Venturing Out

We have been BUSY!

The sun has been shining for several days now

and what an energy it brings with it, thankfully!

Life gets that way doesn't it? Busy, that is.

I thought being a stay-at-home Mom would

look a little differently than it does today.

My Mom sure made it look easy!!

I'm managing ok though, so i'm not going to complain too much. lol.

My favourite part of each day is

when i get to reflect back for a brief moment

to think about how hard everything was with my little man

a year ago, heck, even 6 months ago!

Daily, i am just amazed at the little boy

that is now my son.

Of course, there are no easy days,

but there are definitely easier days around here .

Before, there was such a huge challenge in going anywhere

with Marshall.

And leaving places he wanted to be at was a huge

challenge as well.

I wouldn't go anywhere with him alone,

and if i did, it was almost always a negative experience

which left me basically in tears and feeling

totally exhausted.

*sigh

I still remember what it was like and it feels

so heavy, so weighted, and it was.

Over the past month and a half,

we have had SO many amazing adventures with Marshall.

In the past, the same outings that were nightmares,

we can now put in the 'positive experience book'.

Castle Fun Park.

I don't think i've ever shared about the first time

we took Marshall there, and honestly i really don't

remember much about it anymore...

except that he hated it, and it was stressful. lol.

It was all so overwhelming for him

and we couldn't get him to do anything besides

run away from us screaming.

When we left i remember thinking that we

would try again when he was 20. lol.

That was probably like a year and a half ago.

I bought a Groupon for $25 with a value of $50 (woohoo!)

and my husband and i decided to try again over

Christmas break.

I knew it'd be better than the last time...

well, i didn't know, but i figured it really couldn't

be any worse than the last time.

As i continue to say,

Marshall is not the same child anymore.

You can get his attention and keep it now...

not for very long, but long enough to get him somewhat focused.

Marshall loved Castle Fun Park this time.

He was all smiles and played tons of games.

We walked our way through the entire place

for a couple of hours and it was simply, enjoyable.

Both kids really liked the rollercoaster simulation ride!

Nobody knew that Marshall has Autism,

and in these precious moments, i forget too,

and it's a wonderful break for myself... to embrace the now.

No thoughts of appointments or therapies

or what my crazy hectic day will look like tomorrow.

Wonderful.

We plan to go back when the weather warms up

and take the kids on the Go-Carts for the first time.

That should be a big hit, not a miss, if we can get

Marshall's seatbelt and helmet on successfully :D

Marshall was recently invited to a birthday party

at the Safari Zone with his entire preschool class.

The parents rented out the place and

specifically told me that they'd love to have Marshall there.

That was nice.

Some of you may remember my post last August about

a birthday party at the Safari zone.

If you haven't read it, i encourage you to.

In doing so, you can understand where we've come from.

So naturally, recieving this party invitation brought

back all of the memories i had tried to forget.

My first thought was that no, i wasn't going to do bday

parties with Marshall anymore.

But, then i reminded myself

that i need to stop selling Marshall short.

I need to believe in him,

to not be afraid of the what ifs.

Look at how much he has accomplished,

how much he's grown.

Ok, so i decided that i would take him to the party.

I had an extra boost of confidence from

Marshall when we took the kids the day before the party

to the new UPlay that just opened up .

He had a blast and listened to

my husband and i the whole time.

When it was time to leave, he came and sat

down and put his own shoes on without

much protest and we were able to leave

without tears or screaming :)

Marshall did awesome at the birthday party.

In comparing this experience to the last one...

He keeps his socks on now, so no issue there.

My concerns of him running out the doors

into the world still exist, but very minimal now,

so i was able to visit with some of the parents

which is something i have really missed out on over

the past couple of years.

When the call for "cake" was made,

my anxiety level rose as i remembered how i

couldn't get Marshall out of the play area last time.

This time, he followed his friends

over to the table and sat down happily.

When they sang, "Happy Birthday"

he watched. He didn't scream. He was ok to not

be the one to blow out the candles.

He ate his cake and snacks and then asked me to

wipe his dirty hands, and back into the

play area with some of the other kids

who were done eating.

When it was time to go, i gave him a 5 mintues warning

and when it was time, he said ``no!``

but when i showed him his shoes and jacket,

he came over to me, sat down, and put them on!!! :O

He said `bye` and even ``thank-you!``

when he was given his goody bag :)

Such a different experience.

In the past couple of months, i have made some new friends.

Parents who also have kids with special needs.

People who i believe God is putting in my life at this time.

I'm not sure if they are in my life to help me, or for me to help them,

but either way it is so wonderful to connect

with other parents who understand, who get it.

And i'm sorry to all of you out there who try,

but you just have no idea until it's your life.

One of my new friends is in the earlier stage of her sons

recent diagnosis. And i feel for her so much.

She cannot see the big picture right now.

A lot of her struggles with her son

are exactly what i was going through with Marshall a year ago.

I keep telling her that it will get better.

She didn't see Marshall before, she only sees him now.

When i look in her eyes i see so much doubt

and disbelief that her son will acheive the same milestones.

Back when it was me, i didn't see it either.

Any kind of normalcy was not within my reach,

not even in my dreams.

The diagnosis and the daily challenges that come with it

kinda stop you in your tracks.

There is so much to take on, to work on,

on a daily basis, and it is often exhausting and overwhelming.

And it can be depressing for sure.

The progress in Marshall is hope.

And i know it's encouraging a lot of other people,

other parents, and i believe strongly that God's hand is in

all of it.

You don't think about God using your kids for His will

when they're so young, we tend to focus on God's will

for us in their little lives.

I am doing my best with Marshall, and i believe

that what we have in place for him right now

with all of the intervention

is what's right for him.

How cool is it that God is using Marshall,

as a living, breathing, loving example of hope.

I stopped taking Marshall to Walmart-type stores

a long time ago.

His behaviour was so unpredictable,

and i often found myself racing through the store

grabbing the bare minimum and getting

the heck outta there.

Well, not before several screaming meltdowns about being

strapped into the buggy,

and often managing to even climb out of the belt!

Also, not without complete maddness as we wait in the

checkout line.

Now that Marshall is in school,

i take these kid-free opportunities to run my errands.

It is so nice to have this time.

Recently though, it dawned on me that going

when M's at school because it's easy is perhaps

not the best option for Marshall.

He needs to learn how to behave in public at some point.

And a couple of weeks ago,

i decided to try it again.

Because you have to, try again, that is.

Look back to Marshall and swimming last summer.

If i would have never gone back to the pool

after his complete meltdown the first time,

we would have lost out on so much enjoyment the whole

rest of the summer.

Finding that inner strength and courage,

that faith that your child will succeed,

is not always easy.

But you really have no choice, in my opinion.

In the New Year,

NSAP changed their time frame for Marshall by 15 mintues.

These 15 min. changed the course of my pickup

schedule with the kids.

I had been picking D up early from Kindergarden

by about 20 minutes, and now

i`d have to pickup M first and then go and get D.

At the beginning of the year,

i tried to dropoff and pickup D with Marshall when

it wasn`t a preschool day for him,

and it was hard.

Marshall did not understand why he wasn`t going to

school and it resulted in screaming and crying

and me having to carry him, restraining him really,

so he`d come with me back to the car.

I was not looking forward to this change,

but it had to be done.

I did not have much hope, pretty much planned for the worst.

Marshall`s comprehention is growing though,

and he does better if i lay out the order of things ahead of time.

So in the car on the way to pickup D that first time

in the New Year,

I repeated myself over and over again,

``Marshall, we`re going to walk, hold hands,

get Devyn, give hugs, see Mrs. Humphries,

walk to the car, go home.``

Yes, that is a lot of words.

I also made sure once we got to the school

that he understood his backpack would stay in the car.

He repeated me.

`walk... hands... Camcam (his sis.)... hugs... walk...car... home`

This was the first time he

actually copied me like this and i had to laugh

as he was doing it in the same tone that i was. lol

We did everything that we talked about...

and Marshall did awesome.

I really couldn`t believe how easy it was.

And every time since, it has been awesome.

He now understands that we go to school for different

reasons, and he is ok with that.

This past Monday, D had school when M didn`t.

My hubby is normally home in the morning and can

stay with Marshall while i bring her,

but he had to work early so i had no choice.

Even after how easy it was and has been,

i was worried. We hadn`t done morning before.

Once we were at the school i had to direct

M to D`s classroom which he was ok with,

but once we dropped her off, he pointed

and wanted to go to his class.

I had to tell him `no school today, walk to the car`

and at that point he broke down and started

crying. Oh dear, i thought.

He wanted a ``HUG``, which is a very frequent request from him

these days, and then i had to carry him back to the

car which was quite the workout for me. lol.

But after we got to the car and chatted a bit,

he was ok.

And so i was ok.

And we did it, fairly successfully. Yeah.

I shared about Marshall`s first ever movie theatre

experience months back where he slept through

the whole movie. lol.

Well, since then we`ve gone to see the Muppet movie,

which he again slept through,

and also the Chipmunk movie, which he stayed awake for!!

He did great, and we had fun.

It`s so nice to be able to do things with my kids again.

I took Marshall to his sisters quarterly visit to the eye

specialist in Surrey. Again, tried that once

years ago, and have gotten a sitter for him every time since.

Well, this time i decided to try again.

He. Did. Amazing.

He listened, followed my direction, sat quietly

while D sat in the chair and answered sight questions.

I didn`t have to explain that M has Autism,

which i feel i need to do sometimes due to the behaviour

that he displays.

All of this makes me feel so free.

And it feels good to say that,

but at the same time sad

as so often i have felt trapped with having Marshall.

God is growing our whole family through this,

and i am so thankful and blessed for

all that i have.