Friday, December 28, 2012

Christmas Concerts


Marshall had three performances over Christmas that he was to take part in.  The first one would be at his preschool Christmas party on December 19th, the last Wednesday before the end of school.  The second was on the last day of school, the 21st, and was a full performance in the gym for the entire school and parents present.  Friday morning was a Christmas Chapel that was put on by the grade one classes mainly, which included M's sister, so Daddy took the day off work and the grandparents were informed to come out!

Naturally there was a lot of practicing going on at preschool in the weeks prior to the party and the performance.  Marshall was talking at home a lot about it, singing some of the songs, and seemed really excited about it!  Well, i knew better than to get my hopes up of the fabulous performance my son was going to give during the actual event. lol.  If he stands in line with the children, i will be happy, he doesn't even have to sing!.... oh wait, actually, even if he sits quietly with me the whole time i would be happy.  lol.  Just please don't cry or have a fit over nothing!!  So, we hoped for success and expected much less, naturally ;)

Miss Mary did a wonderful job of putting together a social story for me to take home to read to Marshall the week prior to the party.  If you don't know, a Social Story is a small laminated book with simple sentences and pictures, that is set up to better prepare your child, or to teach them something they can't quite grasp.  Marshall has only been given one before (that i know of) and that was based around him using the potty, instead of his diaper, to relieve himself.  This story that he recieved now said things like, I will sing loud and do the actions, My Mom will come and she will be so happy!  If i don't know what to do i should look at my teacher.  Marshall was totally into the story, reading it several times with me and speaking about it by heart.  He was excited and we were counting down the days to his party, until it was Tuesday night and we could say, "The party is tomorrow!!"  That was a very exciting night.

Then we woke up Wednesday morning, Party Day, and there was snow on the ground.  School was cancelled for the day.  Hmmm... oh goody.  After i broke the news to Marshall that the party would now be on Friday and he would have to wait, he said, "OK Mom!" and ran off to play.... NOT.  My little boy was in tears.  "Party (to)a-day, Mommy, party (to)a-day."  *sigh.  All of the work we put in to prep him for this big day, and seemingly he was in the right mind set to allow for me to come and see him sing for me and do crafts with me... all out the window.  Some timing our God has!!  Well, Marshall did get over this change in plans as the morning progressed, and didn't stay too upset about it after the initial blow.  His teachers had sent an email saying that they were grateful to at least have Friday left to move the party too, but that it would be after the Chapel and would make for a busy morning.

When Daddy phoned home that morning i told him that the kids had no school and that the party was moved to Friday now.  He said, "Oh good!  Then i can come!".  Oh yeah, i hadn't put it together yet that Danny took Friday off to see the kids in the chapel performance.  I wondered what Marshall would have to say about this change, so i excitedly told him, "Marshall, Daddy gets to come to the party now!!"  He smiled at first, then paused to think, then started saying, "No Daddy a party, no!"  Then he ran to get his social story in which he showed me that there was no photo of Daddy, just Mommy.  lol.  Great.. social story backfire!  haha.  I decided to leave the topic alone for the rest of the day.  The next day though, i brought it up again cause ideally it would be nice if Daddy could come, and also if Marshall was excited about having him there.  Well, Marshall didn't budge, and Danny knew he might just have to wait outside the door or something in order for M to have success at the party.  We pick our battles and this was not one of them!

Friday morning Marshall man woke up and before i even said anything he says, "Ok a Daddy a come a party."  Really?  "Yes!", he confirmed.  He told me he was going to be happy and smile and let me take his picture and video :)  OK!!!  So we got all dressed up and got to school nice and early.  I wasn't sure how to explain to Marshall that he'd be going to the gym first to sing, so i kinda just left him in the hands of his teachers and aide.  Well, how did Marshall do??  AWESOME.  The whole morning, awesome!  Daddy and I along with both Grandma's sat in the gym.  Marshall walked in with his class to the front of the stage, stood and sat as requested, sang and did the actions to the songs!!!  I even came up to the front and he saw me with my camera, but didn't call out to me, just sat in his spot with the rest of his friends... looking like every other kid there :)  Then when it was over, he walked back to his classroom for the party.  He sat for story time, brought us the gifts he had made, ate snack at the appropriate time without whining, and made a variety of crafts with Daddy and I.  What a wonderful morning!!!  Devyn did amazing as an angel in the recreation of the Christmas story on stage as well.  Success all around!

Both Marshall and Devyn are in the same kids program at our church.  Marshall was designated the role of a shepherd, and Devyn an angel.  Up until the day before the performance, M was adament that he was going to be an angel like his sister.  lol.  Thankfully, he accepted the role of shepherd eventually... although i would've let him be an angel if it came to that.  So, they have been practicing for this program which included some songs as well as a Nativity Story and recreation, for the past month or so.  The first day, Marshall came home with his line he had to memorize.  Hmmm... really?  I was a bit surprised that the lady running the program would ask a line of Marshall, i mean, come on, aren't we just hopeful that he will even set foot on the stage?  But, we practiced the line at home along with his sister, and he knew it with a little help. During the short rehersal on stage the week before, Marshall seemed to be going along with it, but a bit lost and in his own world.  He had just endured an hour and half of church/sunday school already, so i think he was just done.  He wasn't misbehaving or anything, just choosing to sit next to one of his teachers rather than manover around the stage.  Well, he's not screaming "Go away" or "I don't want to".  There is hope!

The morning of the live performance was Sunday, December 23rd.  They had a whole hour scheduled to practice prior to the real deal.  I was quite concerned as to the length of time beforehand and figured M probably would be great for the practice, and be done by the time the performance came around.  So, on the way to church in the car already, we were talking to Marshall a bit about what this morning would look like.  He has been dealing with a cold and been extra whiny the past while because of it.  He started to tell us "no!" and "stop talking" and such things, even starting to tear up over it, so we dropped it.  Then we got to church and he asked to bring in his magnetic coloring board.  The kids each have a little board that they color on while driving.  If we are asking them to sit through a whole church service, or at a doctors appointment or something, i will allow for them to bring them along for entertainment.  Often M or Devyn will ask and i will say no, because it is not necessary, and they are ok with that... even Marshall.  Because this morning entailed Marshall dressing up, holding bells, a candle and a shepherds staff, i told him that the board needed to stay in the car.  He started whining and getting teary over it, but i just repeated myself.  The rest of us were outside of the car waiting for him as he seemingly was now just finishing up the picture he was drawing, and then he would come along with us... or so i thought.  Daddy told Devyn and I to go ahead and that he would come with Marshall.  As i was walking away i said something along the lines of, don't get him crying, this is one of those times where we might have to cave on what we said for the bigger picture.  What i was really trying to say was, don't get M all worked up over this dumb board.  If he starts really crying, there is no hope of him cooperating for his teachers.  Let him bring the darn board if it means keeping the peace.  I'm sure Danny got all that from my mumbled sentence ;)

Devyn and I walk into the Sunday School room and all the little kids are getting into costume.  People are smiling, the kids are cheerful, there is much energy in the room, all in anticipation of the morning.  After a few minutes of getting Devyn into her costume, i hear it.  It's Marshall.  Crying... no, screaming.  And then he is infront of me, capturing the attention of everyone in the room, jumping up and down with tears rolling down his face, yelling and crying about wanting the coloring board.  He was extremely upset.  Daddy trailed into the room behind him.  AHHHHHHHH!  I might have had thoughts about strangling my husband at that point.  I picked up my son and walked out of the room and into the hallway.  Danny then explained to me... one, that he didn't understand that what i had said was to just give him the board.  And two, that he had tried to negotiate the board with Marshall and told him that I had said no, but that they could come inside and ask me again if he really wanted it.  Jeepers.  I can't get mad at Danny, he really does try. Ok, so i shooed Danny off to go and get the board and i sat with Marshall in my lap trying to calm him down.  By the time Danny got back, Marshall was over the board (of course, my stubborn child just wanted his way at that moment). 

I had Marshall in the room with the other children and was trying to get him to dress up a little.  Well, Marshall wasn't down with that.  There was no way he was wearing a towel on his head... so his orange touque remained :)  At this point, there was no pushing a costume on him.  The kids started to head down toward the stage to practice, but Marshall was refusing to follow along.  So.... we bribed him with a cookie.  lol.  And also put a sucker in his pocket that he could enjoy after it was over.  I wasn't sure he would do it, but he totally did.  Gobbled his cookie and ran down with the other kids, sucker hidden in his pocket :)  And then i sat down and watched my son totally participate!  Singing and doing actions, even saying his line into the microphone!!  He was listening to all instructions from his teachers and manovering around the stage appropriately.  I decided i was not taking the chance that he was going to do this later on for the real concert, so i was video taping the whole time.  lol.  Practice was a complete success!  Then the kids came back to their room for a little snack and drink, while all of the people filed into the church.  Marshall ran around the halls a little, but i figured it best he get out some of his energy before he had to get back on the stage, plus, he deserved to be a little 'free' after the great practice.

It was finally time to head to the stage.  There is a long flight of stairs the kids have to walk down to get there where they are visible to everyone.  The children were all given battery operated candles to hold while walking down.  At the last second, Marshall threw his into his touque and started walking down the stairs.  His head was totally glowing!!  lol.  I thought it was hilarious, and exactly the type of thing that shouts Marshall.  Once he got on stage and the teacher noticed, she took it out and Marshall held it happily.  Then, to my surprise, as well as to the surprise of all of those present who know Marshall, he totally performed beautifully.  The whole thing.  Said his line nice and clear and into the microphone, and then shared the mic with the friend next to him (unlike last year when he robbed a little girl of her solo! oops).  Of course, we were so proud of our little guy up there on the stage.  During the song, 'Go Tell it on the Mountain', Marshall belted out the chorus quite loudly, lol, the kids near him all turned to stare at him but he didn't care!  It was adorable.  Our church family was all smiling and laughing a little, and of course, i was crying, just overjoyed once again at how far my son has come.  And of course, beaming from ear to ear at how well both my little angel and touque wearing shepherd did that fine morning... our sweet little children of God. 

After such a rough start in the day, look at how it turned out!!  You just cannot ever lose hope.  Based on the screaming and crying that morning, i had very low expectations of the mornings success.  But we stayed positive, were on our toes with new ideas and slight adjustments in 'the plan'.  The plan.  LOL... truely a laughable concept in Marshall's world most of the time!!  But that's ok... we get there.  We see the light at the end...the bigger picture, and often there is success :)  And in success comes great reward... for both Marshall and for us as his parents.  We are so thankful for the way God continually blesses our little family.

Merry Christmas to you and yours!! 

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Marshall's World at Home- Part 2

 

From time to time i enjoy going back through Marshall's blog and re-reading some of my posts.  I do this to remember how hard things were, as i often forget just how far Marshall has come, and how quickly he has done so.  I find myself often coming across parents with horror stories of bath time or birthday parties, and i laugh and tell them, "Go back and read that post!!".  I've been there, we've been there, and look at where we are now!  I love that i continue to be surprised at the child that Marshall is today, considering the child he used to be.  Last month i came across this post of 'Marshall's World at Home' from last year.  As i was reading through it, i was smiling the whole time.  To think, these were mostly positive and shocking at that time, and that Marshall is doing even better a year later.  I thought it might be fun, both for me and hopefully for you, to just copy and paste the post, and then add in, in RED, the updates or changes that we now see in our son.

Marshall's World at Home - October 17, 2011

There`s been a lot of cool things going on
here at home lately.
Marshall is doing really well everywhere he goes!
... and let me clarify that i mean 'really well... for Marshall'.
He does and always will have Autism.
We are in month 5 since the diagnosis and more recently,
Marshall is just becoming so independent.
It is awesome... most days ;)
I've been making a list of all the little things
that he is doing, doing differently, doing better lately,
and i am happy to share them with you!
Get ready for a lot of exclamation points -
i can't help myself!! :D
Marshall continues to push towards independance,
although it is not nearly as frustrating as it was sometimes.
He has conquered a lot and now are just part of this normal
things that he does on his own!
Also, Marshall's comprehention is coming along nicely,
and if i tell him i need to help him,
he often is fine with that.
Marshall has learnt how to ride a tricycle
using the pedals!
He is now riding a two wheeler with training wheels!
He will totally master it withough the little wheels next summer,
i am sure of that.  We didn't have a bike for him
until he was 4, but just before his birthday we went to
Toys R Us and both Danny and i started
laughing in shock as Marshall climbed onto a bike at the
store and started cruising around (with training wheels)
like he'd been doing this forever!!
He is helping me do laundry and willingly put his
favourite blanket in to be washed when i requested it
on 2 occaisions now!!
Marshall still happily puts his favourite blanket into the wash,
actually he requests it sometimes, bringing it to
me when i have other laundry i am doing :)
Marshall's original blue blanket knitted by Nana
fell apart months back.
She made him a new one...
which he rejected immediately. lol.
We've been trying to trick him but it hasn't worked.
His old blanket didn't even cover him at night
anymore. Then randomly one night,
he decided to make the trade all on his own.
I couldn't believe it when i saw the new blanket laying
on my kitchen floor the next morning!
The old one got one last wash and is now in hiding for life :)
We haven't had to change up Marshall's blanket since
this time, but i have been trying to introduce his quilt to him
made by Nana, for night time sleeping.
He is warm enough with his blue blanket, so i haven't pushed
it too much.  He does cover his pillow with the quilt
now and sleeps that way... as well as on top of all of his stuffies! lol.
Marshall has discovered his love for wa-wa's,
otherwise known as waffles.
This is not profound, but definitely a loved
and muched talked about food option for him
in the morning these days. lol.
Marshall still loves his wa-wa's, but he now calls them "waffles".
I did have to work on him getting those 'f''s in there
for a while :)
He also loves cinnamon buns for breakfast, or toast.
He has eaten some cereal with milk recently,
but definitely prefers a warm carb for breakfast...
and chocolate milk or juice with everything!
My kids never seem to have actual pajamas for bed.
I have some hand me downs from my oldest
for my younger daughter,
but Marshall is usually naked.
Now with fall settling in, he needs to be wearing
something more than nothing at bed time.
In the past, i've just thrown on an older
muscle shirt or tshirt on him.
Well, i tried that last week and M was freaking out!
I guess he thought i was dressing him for the
day or something, when all he wanted to
do was go to bed. lol.
I went out and bought him a pajama set,
Two actually as they were on sale.
Marshall rejected those at first too,
and the first night only slept with the bottoms on.
But the second night, he let me put on his shirt
and he fell asleep wearing it :)
Now, he loves his pj's!
It is no longer a confusing thing for him,
which was mostly my own fault.
Marshall's pajama wardrobe now has several options for him.
He had a slight resistance to adjusting from summer type pj's
into fleece ones for winter, but all in all did well with it.
He loves wearing pajamas and there are no issues with
getting him to wear them now.
Bed time all together has improved by leaps and bounds!!
Brushing Marshall's teeth has looked like this
most of his life: Chase him down, sometimes he
opens his mouth, sometimes he doesn't
and i have to fight him,
but they get brushed one way or another,
and the toothpaste is swallowed.
Suddenly, Marshall is interested in brushing his teeth at the sink!!
He will open his mouth bigger if i show
him in the mirror by opening mine.
He likes to watch me brush,
and he is a big fan of the spitting part!! lol.
He will take several sips of water
and spit them out and he is so happy to do so!
Of course, the first time i made a huge deal out of it
and i told him to go and show Daddy his teeth.
Off he ran into the living room beaming from
ear to ear to show off his pearly whites!
Daddy of course, plays it up too for him :)
Marshall is eager and excited and actually runs
into the bathroom when i suggest brushing teeth.
It's great.
Such a big boy!!
Bed time routine is very scheduled now, and Marshall loves it.
Both of the kids understand what is going on,
and they both enjoy the hour of getting ready for bed :)
Brushing teeth is no sweat, and Marshall does brush on his own
sometimes after i have finished.
He even lets me floss sometimes... thankfully his teeth all
have spaces between them so we shouldn't have any
worry of cavities for a while.
Marshall has been to the dentist twice, and both times were
successful!!  He watches his sister first and waits
patiently for his turn.  He loves the chair that moves up and down
based on which body part he touches (nose or knee).
He lets the dental hygenist brush them with that little spinny brush,
and lets her floss!
At the last visit we tried to put in the floride cups,
but Marshall started to cry... he'll get there in his own time, plus,
I don't like that part either so i get it.  lol.
He doesn't enjoy it, but he even let the dentist scratch off some plaque
with that nasty sharp tool that gives you goosebumps! 
Marshall has continued to bathe well.
He is helping me wash him.
His hair is getting on the longer side,
so washing is becoming a bit harder as it just takes
longer. He will be getting a buzz in the next couple
of weeks for sure.
Marshall is now laying down his head in the bath in order to
wash his hair!  I think i have mentioned this already, but it
is still sooo exciting :)
He lets me wash him the same as i would Devyn,
and bath time is just fun and productive and wonderful.
This is gross, but he even lets me clean out his nose
afterwards to avoid any runaways the next day.  lol.
Ahh... being a Mom ;)
A routine that Marshall has after bath and nose cleaning,
is to ask me to, "Lift me up!"
I pick him up in his towel like a baby, carrying him into
the livingroom where we've set up pillows and a
fluffy blanket for me to throw Marshall into :)
In talking about mastering sensory issues
with Marshall's in regards to his head...
Over the past year, Marshall has been getting regular
haircuts!!  We go to a friend of mine for this task.
The first time was a little shaky, but now he
looks forward to it, allowing for her to both
buzz the sides and cut the top.
You can see his discomfort at times,
but he is pretty good with a little verbal coaching
to sit through it.
He looks so handsome with an actual haircut :)
Also a side note,
he lets me cut his nails when i ask him to
without complaint now.
Evenings are great with the routine down pat.
And what is even greater,
is that suddenly Marshall is interested in actually
reading books!!!!!!!!!!
That one gets extra '!!!'
Up until recently, Marshall has only had interest in looking
at the pictures and talking very briefly about what
we see. But now, when his sister goes
to pick out her bedtime book, Marshall picks out his own too!
He even says "book" after showing
Daddy his smile :)
Both the kiddies climb to the top bunk and eagerly
await reading their books together.
Marshall is even waiting to read D's book first,
as long as he can turn the pages, he is happy...
and also, as long as there are not too many words.
But he'll let me read a Franklin book which isn't super short!
Then he gets his book out and we mostly talk about
the pictures, but sometimes he waits until he hears my
`reading voice`for a few sentences and then turns the page!
It has become such a great time with him.
I wondered if he'd ever get to this place.
And just like that, when he decides,
he really can do anything it seems!
Marshall loves bedtime reading,
and now lets me read the whole book.
Both he and Devyn choose their own
and let me turn the pages :)
Actually, Devyn often has home-reading from school
so she will read at bedtime.
Marshall will select his book of choice for me to read.
Last Spring i started using the calm bedtime to
prompt Marshall to work on his 's' and 'f' blends.
I have 3 pages now with drawn images that we work through.
Marshall knows that if he focuses and does his words
that i will read his bedtime book to him.
He also knows (i only had to do it once, and it was hard!)
that if he is being silly and goofing around,
that after two warnings, i will take away his bedtime book.
About half of the words that we work on
Marshall now says properly in his normal speaking!!
Today, our first SNOW DAY,
Marshall is still talking about all of the "(s)now"
and about making a "(s)nowman".  lol.
He'll figure it out eventually!
He has been requesting for me to "sing"
at bed time every night for the past several weeks.
Just recently he has started to sing along :)
It sounds nothing like what i'm singing,
but it's music to my ears!
Since he is so calm at night time now, i have been
able to start prayers with him.
We do the
Now i lay me down to..."leep"
I pray the Lord my soul to... "keet"
May your love go with me all the..."nigh"
and wake me up with the morning... "ligh"
"A-men!"
M finishes the last word of each line proudly :)
I love it.
Marshall still loves to sing at bedtime,
but will not let me pray with him anymore. lol.
His one and only request each night is to sing,
"Up, up, and away we go!"
which is from VBS last summer.
It's about God so i've decided that it serves as
worship/prayer and that works for us. ;)
Marshall sings along the whole time.
I believe i have shared that Marshall can successfully
put on his velcro sandals.
He is now putting on his velcro shoes all by himself!!
He knows to push the tongue down and he lines it
up just right. Pretty cool.
I remember seeing a documentary about a year
ago about a young autistic boy,
and they showed how he had mastered
putting on his shoes...
and for some reason i was moved by how hard
that little boy tried, and then succeded.
And now i can be proud of my son
for accomplishing something that a year ago,
seemed like a lost cause.
How cool is that?!
Marshall is a shoe master now.
He puts on his boots, shoes or sandals with ease.
He often puts them on the right feet without help,
but if he gets them wrong,
he is cool with switching them around now when i ask.
He used to get very mad about this request.  lol.
There is an example of how he's grown in his need to be
independant!
Marshall is also putting on his hat or toque,
as well as zipping up his jackets,
all on his own.
He also helps pack his lunch and tucks it into his
backpack, zipping it up himself :)
Marshall is also putting on his seatbelt himself
in the car. He's in a 5 point harness, and as long
as i give him a bit of extra belt,
he does it up all on his own!
and again, proud as ever of himself.
He is becoming so independent lately, it's crazy!
Marshall is a pro at putting on his 5 point harness
without giving him any extra belt now.
We use just a booster sometimes,
and he can buckle and unbuckle himself as well...
and he understands that it is not something he does
without asking either, so no worries of him unbelting
while driving :)
Marshall is trying to say any word we
ask of him lately, and he's even saying words on his
own too!
He has just started making "ch" and "j" sounds.
Words like "orange" actually sound like orange now!
The first word i heard him say with that sound was
"pinching". lol.
After several times of me having to be stern with
him about pinching his sister, and my having
to get right to his level and say, "no pinching",
he repeated it.
I was at a cross roads...
"Yes that's right Marshall, NO pinching,
and good talking Marshall- yeah no pinching-good boy!
Now NO pinching your sister." lol.
Even i had to laugh afterwards.
I don't even know where to begin with this section!!
Marshall's language, his biggest challenge,
has come along sooo much in a years time!!
I believe in his diagnosis at 3 years of age,
they put his language at a 1 year old level.
I have no professional to tell me where he is at now,
but i'd be comfortable saying that at 4.5 years old,
he is definitely at a 3 year old level if not more.
He has a LOT of words and talks constantly,
can't shut him up sometimes! lol.
Much of what Marshall has to say needs to be spoken more
clearly, which he is always working on and improving.
Also, just figuring out how to piece together sentences
using the words like; the, and, a, you, me
all appropriately is a daily challenge.
Right now, we are working on Marshall not referring to himself
as "Marshall".  lol.  He does this a lot,
but seems to be doing it less now that we've been
working on correcting him when he has mispoken.
Besides the pinching, pushing, pestering stuff
that Marshall is still doing at times,
he has been playing really well with his sister lately.
They have started wresting with one another...
and it is hilarious to watch them and to listen
to them laugh together.
He follows every direction she gives him!
Marshall wants to do everything with D.
He will yell for her if she is not right beside
him when going out the door.
It's really sweet.
She tells me every day that she wants to be a
teacher when she grows up because she
loves to teach Marshall.
She will make an awesome teacher...
she already is!
So much of what
Marshall is learning on a social level is from D.
Marshall's play skills have come a long way too!!
He is not pestering Devyn or his cousins anymore.
He takes turns and knows how to ask for
"5 minutes a my turn!"
when he wants something,
and also gives toys back when his turn is over.
His teachers at both schools have shared with me how
some days Marshall's social play is really great,
how he is making friends.
Friends.
I could not be happier to hear this!
Marshall now goes for sleepovers at my parents place!!
My two nieces and Devyn have been going for a few
years now, but we didn't think Marshall was ready,
and also knew that because of the way
that he plays, or doesn't understand play,
that having them all there together would be hard
and the girls would not enjoy their time as much.
Well, Marshall is in a place now where
they can all go together and they all enjoy the time spent
with Nana and Grandpa.
Sure, a lot of the play is more organzied with group games
led by my Mom to ensure they go smoothly.
Even our weekly dinners have had less,
"Marshall's ruining our coloring"
"Marshall's pulling my shirt"
"Marshall is driving us crazy!"
lol.
He seems to be learning what is acceptable play,
and for the most part, will adjust
his behaviour if i talk to him about it.
He is becoming more aware of others,
and therefore more concerned if there is fighting
or if someone is upset...
so... i guess we could call him a bit of a tattle tale.  lol.
He has incredible empathy though, which is wonderful.
Marshall is saying "lease" (please)
and "kan-ku" (thank you) on his own
without prompting all the time now.
He will call out,
"Mommy!! All done!"
when he wants me to clean up after him.
The other day he was looking at my book and when
he was done with it, he closed it and handed it to me
as he said,
"Here you go Mommy". :O
That one surprised me!
Four words together with purpose and in proper context.
That's my boy!!
Learning and growing every day!
Again, i am just so impressed with Marshall's progress
in his language.  I love reading how excited i was
at the small words he was piecing together,
or attempting to say.
It is all so much more invovled now.
The english language is not easy!!
Way to go Marshall,
you are a rockstar!
OH!!!
I almost forgot.
Ok, so this was so random and surprising...
We were at my sister's house for Thanksgiving
and Marshall needed to go "pee".
Marshall always sits down to go pee.
Back when we were trying to train him
(before he was ready), we'd try both sitting and
standing. He's watched Daddy a few times.
So anyways, i take him to the washroom
where he strips down his bottom half to nothing.
I turn around to help him shimy onto the potty
only to see him pressing himself against it...standing.
I am shocked. lol. I don`t know what to do,
so i do nothing but observe.
Sure enough, he stands there and starts to pee!!!
He even shifted over when the stream went
to the side! lol.
I couldn`t believe it.
I still can`t believe it.
He did his thing and acted as if this was an every day
occurance! He didn`t look to me for praise
or anything, simply put his clothes back
on and went out to play.
Unbelievable eh?
I went to my family at the table
and told them what just happened and asked them
if anyone had been teaching him this.
They all said no.
My husband said that that morning he had shown
Marshall an example again, but that was it.
Marshall peed again this same way another time
while at Thanksgiving, and then again at home
the same night before his bath.
He has not done it since.
So wierd!!!
This kid is full of surprises... and i love it!
Marshall is a pro washroom user!
Once he was potty trained at 3.5 years old,
he never looked back!!
I pack him extra clothes at school each day,
and we've never had to use them :)
He willingly washes his hand on his own in proper form now,
which is great and less work for me!
So here you have another post
filled with wonderful things!
Don`t get me wrong, there are still Marshall`s screaming fits,
tantrums and the frustrations
of our daily life here in the Hiebert home,
but all in all we just have
SO much to be thankful for.
Yeah Marshall!!!!!!!!!!
Screaming fits, tantrums, and frustrations.
The first two simply don't exist anymore.
Some of this is due to him just growing up,
as well as him having language in a way he just didn't have back then.
And some of this is also due to some of the adjusting i've
done in my own parenting :)
Does Marshall still get frustrated?
All the time.
So do i, often not even in relation to Marshall.
Allowing ourselves to get frustrated is part of life,
and i believe in that we can teach our children
how to manage stress and being upset in very healthy ways.
Marshall might escalade at unexpected things still,
or start crying over something that is odd.
But as a whole picture, Marshall's behaviour is amazing.
He is listening to Daddy and i at home.
He is having fun, loving and respecting his siblings.
He is learning and growing at school,
resepcting his teachers,
and making friends.
Look how far Marshall has come!!!
God has taken care of our family this past year,
and has allowed for so much positivity to keep us moving forward in hope.
I am so thankful that Marshall is in His hands.
Isaiah 40:30-31
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Jeremiah 29:11-13
For I know the plans i have for you,
declares the Lord,
plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.
Then you will call upon me
and come and pray to me,
and I will listen to you.
You will seek me and find me
when you seek me with all your heart.

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Today's lesson: Be selfish

Yesterday i picked Marshall up from preschool and Mary, his aide, pulled me aside to chat.  She's never really done this before, so i was a little worried as to what she was going to tell me.  Mary started out by saying that Marshall had a very hard morning :(  She told me that they were making/decorating gingerbread men, and Marshall really wanted to make one for his sister Devyn, and became upset when he was told that he could only make one.  I was not surprised by this.  Marshall and Devyn share a lot and are always looking out for one another.  But, i guess Marshall couldn't let it go during class, and so the tears came, and frustration came.  Throughout the morning, he kept bringing up wanting to have a second cookie for Devyn, along with the tears.  Mary told me that they did have an extra gingerbread man, but the teachers and her were hesitant to give him one as the other children would want a second one as well.  I then also mentioned that if they did it once, then he will expect it each time and escalade with more persistance in the future.  The teachers all agreed. 

After Mary mentioned all of this to me, two thoughts that came to mind right aways.  In the past few weeks at NSAP (Next Step Autism Program) Marshall has been bringing home his food rewards in a ziploc bag (jelly beans or chocolate chips) because he has chosen to "save a wawer (later)", and to share at home with the family.  It is so sweet.  He was saving the coffee flavoured ones for Daddy "cause Daddy a love coffee!" :)  How many kids do you know who will get just 5 jelly beans and not hoover them on the spot, but ask to take them home to give them away?  It warms my heart each day to see the excitement on his face that he has something to share with us.  With Marshall having a different BI (behaviour interventionist) each day, there were some days where Marhsall's bag would come home with a sharpied label on it, and other days when it wouldn't.  Marshall would get upset if the bag didn't have any writing on it, so the teachers made a plan that sometimes they would, and sometimes they wouldn't, all to teach Marshall that it is ok for things to change.  This is something that Marshall struggles with across the board, and it is an 'autism thing' as well.  Marshall is actually really ok with sudden changes such as going shopping (he has come to love shopping and asks to go daily), or bigger planned things like that.  But what he struggles with are the little changes in routine, such as the labelled bag mentioned above, or the order in which we work on his 'S' and 'F' blend sheets at bedtime, or if someone else gets the cup of water ready for brushing teeth at bedtime.  For the most part, i don't try to break these smaller things.  But now with Marshall spending so much of his focus at preschool that morning on crying and wanting to share so badly, it needs to be addressed. 

After sharing with Mary about the bag of goodies from NSAP, i remembered this story from last week.  It brought me to tears last week when it happened, and of course, i couldn't help but cry in front of Mary as i shared it with her, realizing that this was most likely why Marshall was getting so upset about wanting to share with Devyn.  I posted it on facebook as a conversation, and so i will just cut and paste it here for you now.

In the car on the way home...

Devyn: "Mom, today we got to decorate gingerbread men, and since I don't like gingerbread, I made mine for Marshall."
Marshall (before I could respond): "Is really really nice a Marshall, Devyn!"
Me: "You two are so sweet."
Devyn then pulled out the cookie from her backpack and sadly realized that most of her sprinkles had fallen off.
Marshall's response: "Devyn hand a give a kiss."
Devyn handed him her hand which he kissed and then said, "I love a ginger man Devyn, a love it"

Ok, so now I am welling up with tears. We pull into the driveway and as they are unbuckling, Marshall says, "Devyn come a hug a ginger man (hug me), I love it a really nice."

I could not be happier to be able to tell both my kids how proud I am of their kind hearts, and how well they love eachother Black heart (cards). Proud Mama over here right now
.
 
Ahhh... now it all makes sense why he couldn't let it go when he was told that he couldn't have one for Devyn.  Marshall could have chosen to give his one gingerbread man, or as he likes to call it, "gingerman boy" to Devyn, but i guess that was just too much of a sacrifice.  lol.  He was torn, and just wanted a second cookie.  I get it. 
The preschool teachers were all giving me their sympathy faces as they said, "He just wants to share, it's so hard to tell him he can't, but that's just how it is sometimes".  I totally get it.  And i know buddy, it sucks.
 
On my way home with Marshall after preschool was over, i started to think about what i could do to help Marshall understand this concept of; sometimes we can share and other times we can't.  And it dawned on me that really, what i need for him to learn, is to be more selfish.  lol.  Selfish.  That just doesn't sit well with me!  I know that isn't quite right, but at the root of it, that is what my child needs to learn, right?  Just eat your own reward, Marshall.  Don't think about your sister when you're making cookies, just gobble it up and brag to her later about how you got a cookie and she didn't.  lol.  Maybe this is what 'normal' kids do?  Just think about themselves?  I am closest with my nieces who are my kids' age, and i can see this in them.  I don't think it makes them bad kids, but i think my kids have just learned differently.  My kids are not normal. lol.  And in this sense, i could not be happier about that. 
 
Devyn's whole life, she has adjusted to make sure that Marshall is included, that he is shown love and acceptance, and she is smart enough to know that if she asks for a second goody bag for her brother at her own friends party (embarassing, but sweet.  lol), that she will get to enjoy her bag herself, without having to share, or without being asked to share.  Don't get me wrong, there are times when i let Devyn have her own things, and help Marshall work through the saddness of that, but for the most part, they want to share with one another.  It makes me happy and proud.  Because of Devyn's tender heart towards Marshall, she desires to make him happy, and to not see him upset.  She has learned how to create harmony in our home by what she sees from me, i guess.  Danny and I have had to work extra hard in those years from 2-4 with Marshall, to figure out how to have success with him, and Devyn has been observant.  We still adjust our lives for success with this kids all the time, and i think that when the odds are against you (having a diagnosis that falls under Autism and plenty of reasons/excuses to live in chaos), you try harder and you do better to make it work.  I believe we have had so much success because of the hope that we have, as well as the daily effort to live our own kind of normal :)
 
So, moving forward, i have talked to the staff at NSAP about the goody bags, telling them that maybe between them they can figure out days when Marshall is allowed to take home his rewards to share, and days when he needs to eat them when they are recieved.  They were all on board, and i had them all laughing when i said, "I will do my best to make sure Marshall learns to be more selfish."  One of the BI's commented on how funny my choice of words is.  Really though, i think i am spot on.  I need to teach Marshall about this world we live in.  Giving, caring, and loving are all wonderful qualities, but in thinking about all of this, i can see Marshall growing up and having a lot of people walk all over him, using him for their own gain.  I could leave this all alone, knowing that he will learn these harsh life lessons at school as he gets older, or i could try to adjust a little bit at home (as much as it pains me), teaching him that sharing is 'unacceptable' sometimes.  UGH.  This back and forth conversation with myself is annoying me!!  lol. 
 
Perhaps it won't hurt anybody to just leave my sweet, sweet son for now.  Soak it all in.  Let him learn to be selfish in his own time, as i'm sure it will come.  We all have that in us... and that's the thing with autism, that so much of the social world needs to be taught.  But teaching selfishness?  I guess i have no solid plan for this lesson right now. lol.  It's hard to be excited about a game plan that teaches an undesireable characteristic.  So,  I will adjust as needed to ensure success at his schools, and that's it for now.   We shall see how Marshall's tender heart develops over time... the world can ruin him later (lol), but for the time being, i will embrace every last bit of my loving, selfless little man :)