Small Victories

Perhaps you could call me lazy,

or exhausted, i dunno.

Maybe the change to Fall and the depressing weather

that comes along with it played a part,

I'm not entirely sure.

In October, Marshall's behaviour and his yelling

seemed to be escalading.

Reflecting back on it now, i know that i was giving in

to this behaviour, giving him whatever

he wanted to stop the yelling.

I was also asking others to do the same,

specifically, his sister D.

Kids are smart, Marshall included.

If they cry/scream to get what they want just once, and you cave,

you're pretty much screwed for the future. lol.

I put down my armour and i gave up the battle.

And in doing so, Marshall's screaming became

more constant, more adament, and i found

myself just doing anything to keep him quiet.

I was semi-aware of this terrible pattern i was creating,

but my energy and efforts to change it were lost.

I'd tell myself that tomorrow i'd put an end to this,

to show Marshall that i'm still in charge here.

But then tomorrow would come with the

same battles, and i would half try, and then ultimitely,

i'd cave.

Then about mid-October, i started to notice a change in

Marshall's sister D.

She was becoming more whiney, about everything,

and crying easily.

She would come home from school and tell me that she

had cried at school and how her teacher had comforted her

and made her feel better.

Hmmm...

It got me thinking a bit.

Then one day when i picked D up from school,

her teacher asked me about D's tears,

and if i was seeing them at home as well.

I stated that yes, i had been.

The teacher talked to me about the pattern of the crying at

school. How D would fall outside during recess

and that she was barely hurt but would continue to cry.

The teacher had been comforting D,

but lately it appeared as though D was doing this

purely for attention.

Mrs. H and i talked about Marshall, about how it is not uncommon

for other children in the home to feel unheard and lack attention

when there is a child with special needs.

It's true.

Marshall's needs just come first most of the time.

We talked about how

we needed D's unwarrented tears to stop.

It was a big wake up call for me.

Don't you just love those? Wake up calls, that is.

Moments when you realize that you suck at being a parent. lol.

I was feeling very convicted...

already at home a bit, but now even more so since it

was obvious that this was affecting sweet D in all areas of her life. :(

Ok, so i chose not to sulk and crap on myself,

but rather, used this information to set up a game plan.

Enough was enough.

Things had to change.

I needed to get my shit together...

for myself, but also for the benefit of my family.

I changed my mind set,

i got my confidence back, my energy to 'fight' back,

and i put back on my armour :)

Story time.

I bought Marshall a new hoodie at the beginning of October.

It is grey with a simple picture on the front, pretty plain.

No zipper or buttons, it needed to go over his head.

Marshall has always been easy with his clothing

and will wear whatever i pull out for him.

But for some strange reason,

he would not wear this grey hoodie.

The first time i tried to put it on him,

he started screaming and yelling "NO!"

I was so put off by this that i just said "ok, ok, off!"

Then the next day i tried to show it to him

and again, screaming.

I didn't quite understand what the problem was.

He has worn his blue pullover hoodie for a year

already (randomly) without a fight,

but it's now too small.

He wears an assortment of jackets,

it's not like he only wears one and now i'm changing it up.

So i waited a few days and then i tried again. Fail.

Then i waited like a week.

This time, i didn't show it to him first.

He stood there and watched as Devyn put her hoodie on first.

The plan was to put on hoodies, socks and shoes, and

to go play in the backyard.

I bunched up the hoodie and he let me put it over his head.

But he very soon realized the hoodie that was

being put on him and he freaked out.

I kept saying "it's ok Marshall, put it on".

He starting grabbing the hoodie and was trying to rip

it off as i kept trying to put it on him,

all the while he was screaming his lungs out at me.

It was crazy!

Now he's thrown himself on the ground in a full out meltdown.

And i am laughing inside at his stubborness.

Seriously.

This was not a battle Marshall was going to win.

He refused to put it on.

So i got D ready and let her go out the slider

and into the backyard.

I held Marshall back and repeatedly told him,

"You put on your sweater, then you can go outside."

He got mad. Then he got really mad.

He threw himself into my arms and he cried.

I comforted him and kept telling him it was ok,

but he had to put on his sweater, sock and shoes,

and then he could go outside.

We sat on the kitchen floor cuddling for about 5

minutes while Marshall kept saying "outside"

and i kept calmly telling him

"Sweater. Socks. Shoes. then Outside."

I was not going to cave.

In this situation, i really looked at Marshall and his

refusal to wear this sweatshirt as typical behaviour.

I weighed everything first to make sure

that i was confident that this sweater was not a sensory

thing. Kids with Autism often are drawn to specific

fabrics, however, Marshall has only ever shown

more interest in slinky fabric like a jersey,

but he will wear anything happily.

If the hoodie was a bold color or pattern,

i might think that it was overstimulating for him,

but he rarely shows signs of having issues

with overstimulation, and this sweater is boring old grey,

so no problem there.

Basically, i decided, that there was no reason for him

not to wear this hoodie except for pure stubborness.

So we sat on the floor together.

Then after about 5-10 minutes,

Marshall stood up and started wiping his tears away with

his hands, then he said "happy".

I laughed and said "are you deciding to be happy now?"

I helped him wipe his tears.

Then he reached down and picked up the hoodie

and gave it to me to put on him.

Just like that.

The battle had been fought and won,

and Marshall was ok with that.

And i was thrilled with that!!!

It is amazing how much confidence

filled my being when he handed me that hoodie.

He helped with his arms and we got it on.

He let me put on his socks and shoes,

and out he went to play with his sister. Happy.

And i patted myself on the back.

A small victory that will set the way for the future

situations. It felt good.

When the kids were done outside, Marshall came inside

and actually chose to keep the hoodie on until

bath time later that evening.

And now, a month later,

he will randomly make a face and a little sound

of protest when i have picked the hoodie out

for him to wear, but i tell him to put it on

and he just does it.

And more often than not, he just puts it on without

any protest at all :)

This milestone day (for me) happened on a Saturday.

For some reason,

well, probably because he was running the house at home

and that spread into his school life,

he would not put on his jacket and change his shoes

when preschool was over.

All he cared about was running to the front doors of the school

to see the "pish", or rather, fish :)

This had become a struggle for a couple of weeks.

He was doing it perfectly for all of September,

but then something changed and he wouldn't anymore.

Marshall's aide even made a sequence of pictures

to show Marshall to try and get him to put on his

jacket and shoes first, but Marshall just became

angry at the sight of the pictures.

He'd come out of preschool when i arrived

and he was mad.

He'd scream and plow through all the kids

to run to the fish tank.

I had debated physically holding him back,

but Mary wanted to try the pictures

for a while.

Well, they weren't working.

And after our little battle on the weekend

and my confidence returned,

i decided to take on the fight!

When Marshall came out of his classroom after

preschool, i tackled him. lol.

I held him tight as we went to his coat and

i repeatedly said to him,

"Jacket, shoes, then fish"

He just kept saying, "pish! pish!"

Everybody else didn't matter this day.

After the picture day fiasco and my breakdown afterwards,

anything having to do with crowds has been

so intimdating to me.

But i am over that now.

Being a parent is about doing what's best for the child,

even if you have to look like a psyco to get there! lol.

I calmly sat on the floor while Marshall tried to

break free as he was screaming and crying.

Mary came over to try and calm him

but he was mad.

He ended up head butting me in the mouth

(not the first time he's done that),

and he even kicked my glasses off my face.

Lovely eh?! lol.

I sat there restraining him for quite a while,

about 10 minutes or so.

All the other kids and parents had gone.

I felt kinda bad about all of Marshall's screaming as

there are several other classrooms nearby.

But for me it was a make or break thing.

I knew that if i did anything but follow through,

i'd have 10 times the battle next time.

So there we sat, well, Marshall layed.

I told Mary to leave after the first few minutes,

that i'd be ok with him.

I knew i just had to wait it out...

that Marshall would understand that he was not

getting his way this time, or anytime soon.

There was a new boss in town, and her name is MOM!

So after our 10-15 mintues on the floor,

Marshall got up and put his jacket and shoes on.

Just like that.

He even put his inside shoes in the bin happily,

which i usually have to do.

Then we walked calmly to the fish tank and

enjoyed watching them together.

How wonderful is that?!

Every time since then,

Marshall comes out happy and eager to put on his

jacket and change his shoes,

and then we go see the fish :)

Actually, he returns his jacket picture to Mary and

even waits for me to sign him out of class now.

At home, i am dealing with his screaming

differently, and he is being receptive to it.

D is happier at home now too,

and i have been giving her lots of extra attention and praise,

and the teacher is seeing a happy child in her classroom

as well. PTL.

I have come out of my hiding place with Marshall now.

I have had so many horrific experiences at Walmart

or the grocery store with him.

In the past couple of weeks i have been taking him

places, places where he is 'free' and not in a

shopping cart, and he listens to me.

He stays with me.

When i say "no touching", he doesn't touch.

It. is. Awesome.

We took him to Ikea and he did amazing!!

As a family, we decided to take Marshall to his first

movie at the theatre a couple of weeks ago.

It could've gone so many ways...

and you just never know with Marshall.

But he surprised us all!

He waited in line to buy tickets and then popcorn,

patiently.

My son, has patience all of a sudden - how cool.

He stayed by Daddy's side through all of it

and followed every instruction given to him.

He loved the big screen.

We saw 'Puss in Boots'.

He sat in his chair perfectly,

ate his licorice and had some pop...

and then he fell asleep!! lol.

It was the time change the night before so he was

kind of wiped. Oh well.

He woke up before it was over and watched the rest

of the movie on my lap :)

Life around here is easier, because i stood my ground

on the things that were becoming harder.

And now, Marshall gets it.

There are less battles to fight.

My words mean something because i followed

through with my actions.

Parenting 101... right here in this blog! lol.

I should be charging for my words of gold! ;)

I have been afraid to post this,

but i can say it with confidence since it has been happening

for over two weeks now...

Marshall is pooping in the potty!!!

He tells me, and he goes.

Fully potty trained by 3.5 years old.

Can't complain about that!!!!!

No accidents, no mess, life is simpler.

Now when i leave my house with my kids,

i only need to take my wallet!!

A pretty huge milestone for my little man...

who is seeming less 'little' as each day passes.

************************

"My hope is in You Lord, ALL the day long!

I won't be shaken by drought or storm.

The peace that passes understanding is my song.

And i sing, My hope is in You alone."

~Aaron Shust

Halloween

My Mother in law takes the kids

(not Marshall- by my choice, maybe next year)

out to the pumpkin patch each year

to pick a pumpkin and to get apples for candied apples.

This year it was slim pickin's in the field so

the girls brought home one large pumpkin for

the whole family to share,

and then 5 mini ones.

Same as last year, Marshall was NOT interested

in helping to clean out the pumpkin.

"Yuck" he kept saying when i

was showing him to put his hand in and pull out the insides.

Lately, Marshall is also saying a lot of "No! Ok." lol.

His 'ok' is being said on our behalf of acknowledging

his 'no'. haha.

Instead of helping with the cleaning and carving,

we decided to give Marshall all 5 mini pumpkins

and a sharpie and let him do his thing.

He was really into this.

He took each pumpkin and drew what

he called "happy" on each one :) He had a hard time with the bumpy Cinderella

pumpkin. lol.

He was so proud of himself and even put them

on the mantel. We are a family of 5 so it was

very fitting to have these five displayed in our

livingroom over Thanksgiving :)

This year, we decided to take Marshall

trick or treating for the first time.

Last year, i considererd taking him out,

but he was still a huge flight risk,

so the stroller was the only safe option.

Then on Halloween he developed a bad cold and i thought it

was best to keep him home with Daddy.

But this year, with all this amazing progress

we've been seeing, i was confident that Marshall would

love trick or treating...

well, 80% confident. lol.

In order to go trick or treating, a costume was in order.

And not just any costume, the perfect costume.

A costume that Marshall would be excited about wearing,

that would keep him warm, that M would choose to keep on.

Well, i thought about it a month or two in advance

and was super on the ball

(unlike last year when his sisters costume was bought

on the day of).

I knew he wouldn't wear those furry animal suits that

go over your head as we tried that with an

old costume and he was not a fan.

Then it came to me... a pirate. Perfect!!

So i went to Superstore and i couldn't believe that i

actually found one, and it was in his size,

and it was only $10!! Score!

So i brought it home and showed it to him.

He got excited and was saying, "pira" "arrr". lol.

He was all eager to put on the outfit

and he went to the mirror to see right aways.

I thought i'd hit the jackpot!

Then we tried to put on the foam hat...

and the fun was over.

It wouldn't fit on his head properly and he was getting

really mad about that. Then he started

pawing at his outfit and wanting everything OFF.

I tried days later and he would run away screaming.

The costume was returned.

I was still planning to take him

trick or treating though,

costume or no costume.

Halloween afternoon we started to get ready to head out.

I thought i'd try to get Marshall to put on

a play tool belt and construction hat that

he does where at home from time to time,

but he wasn't having it.

D was Princess Ariel.

We started to put her dress on and Marshall lost it.

Screaming and pulling and getting really mad...

not because he didn't want her wearing it,

but because he wanted to wear it. lol.

He kept shouting "mine!"

Well, that wasn't an option.

I had a spare princess dress in the closet so i

showed it to Marshall and his face lit up, "on" he said.

So i gave it to him and he happily pulled it on.

Then he ran over to the toy box and

grabbed a pair of dress up heals,

and then one of D's crowns to complete the outfit.

LOL.

Now what?

Do i let him go out like that?

Look how happy he is!!

Well, he didn't want to keep the crown on cause i think

it was hurting his head,

and there's no way he could walk in those heals

on the street, so to wear just the dress with

a jacket over seemed lame.

So we took the whole outfit off

(after a picture of course ;))

and Marshall went as Marshall.

No one said a word about him not being dressed up.

We headed up to 'Ritz-Ville' which in my town

is known as Eagle Mountain...

their firehydrants look like gold. lol.

Anyways, Marshall listened wonderfully

and held Daddy's hand whenever he asked him to.

We went with my nieces so there was 4 kids in our

group. Marshall was right in there

at the front of the pack knocking and saying/yelling

"tick a tee!" at every door.

It was adorable.

It only took about 5 houses before Marshall caught

on to the idea that when the door opens,

you wait for candy,

you don't run into their entryways. lol.

Everyone was very friendly about

Marshall's friendliness. :)

It was a great night, clear and dry, and all the kids

did great, including Marshall.

It was the perfect vision i had for him...

and i don't usually let myself go there anymore,

i generally think the worst

and hope for the best, or some form of normal. lol.

I was happy to see Marshall in and

amongst all of the other kids,

looking like he belonged

with a huge smile on his face.

It doesn't get better than that.

NS, Preschool and Sunday school

I'm not sure why i haven't been sitting down

to keep this blog updated...

oh wait, i do know why - life is keeping me BUSY!!

And when i do have a bit of down time to myself, i have been

choosing to 'escape' through reading my book,

or playing mindless games on the computer,

or watching 'Ellen' :)

My husband said to me just this morning

how D being in part time Kindergarten,

which for her means full days but only 2 days a week

with the odd week where she goes 3 times,

has been helpful for adjusting to this busy routine.

So true.

It is my saving grace, for real.

If all 5 days of the week looked like my Tuesdays and

Thursdays, i would have lost my mind already.

As of now, my brain and body only feels half dead. lol.

Marshall continues to show progress

in all areas at school. We have had several reports from

both Preschool and Next Step which all

state that Marshall is doing great!

He is sitting at the work table (NS) for longer periods

of time now. There have been 2 occaisions where

Marshall's class should've been cancelled when

his interventionist was sick, but

they let him come and the other aides just took

him on and shared him, along with their regular kids.

This tells me that Marshall is totally manageable

even without one on one, which is awesome!

On those days when i picked him up,

there were 2 different teachers who told me about

Marshall's day.

One was Annika, who has been working in this program

for 10 years. She said that Marshall did awesome and

she could not believe what a fast learner he was!

The other time, Patty was there when i picked M up.

Patty helped Warren with Marshall when M first started

at Next Step. Patty is also very experienced and

has a son with Autism of her own.

She came to me and told me that she really cannot believe

the progress Marshall has made in such a short amount

of time. She was shaking her head in disbelief almost.

How cool is that?!

Marshall could not be getting better compliments,

and i am SO happy that he is really embracing this program

and the staff there, and that he is doing so well. PTL!

For the past month at Next Step, Marshall has actually been

working with 2 different interventionists.

Miranda took over full time with Marshall

in September when Warren left.

Then the centre took on a new child that was assigned to

Miranda in October, so now Marshall only sees Miranda

on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

So now M,W, and Friday, Marshall is with Carla.

The first day with Carla, Marshall was pretty

angry and upset when i left.

It was not a smooth transition like it was with Miranda.

Carla works in the same class so Marshall knows who

she is, but he didn't take to her right aways.

But he totally got over that and has been

doing awesome with her too!

Marshall really loves Andy as well.

He says his name every time we drive up to school,

and he looks for him when we go into class.

Andy is another interventionist who is in Marshall's

group, but who Marshall does not work directly with,

or hasn't yet anyways.

I've liked Andy from the first day of meeting him.

He is now the only male teacher there,

so of course, Marshall has taken to him.

Andy's really sweet and seems to really enjoy Marshall's

love for him. lol.

Andy got to play with Marshall on the outdoor

playground recently and Andy said

how impressed he is at M's capabilities as far

as climbing around goes.

We've heard this a lot from different people involved

and it is definitely something we now recognize as

a huge blessing,

and so cursing his physical abilities at age 1 already

is something we take back!! lol

Marshall is really enjoying Preschool as well.

Mary, M's aide, appears to be enjoying working with M,

and Marshall has, as the other teachers put it,

"has a soft spot for Miss Mary".

The 2 teachers Debbie and Julie have both

said that Marshall bee-lines to Mary everyday and

he doesn't even know that they're there!

It is said in a joking and loving way :)

A few weeks back, Marshall got to be the Special Helper

for the day. He got to bring 2 of his favourite toys

for show and tell (it was a surprise for M too as i hid

them even from him to avoid possible drama! lol).

He got to sit on the special chair next to the teacher

during circle, ring the bell, and be at the front of the

line as the children walked to the gym.

Apparently Marshall did awesome!!

Mary was a bit concerned that the next class M might

have trouble with going back to him normal

routine, but he did just fine.

Mary commented to me that Marshall is doing

really well and is loving doing crafts and circle as well as

gym time. She has said that he actually very social from

what she has observed. I would agree :)

She even said to me quietly that

Marshall follows his hand along the wall when

they walk down the halls and he is quiet...

she said that he is more well behaved than some of the

other (typical) children.

Yah Marshall! You show them!! lol.

We have been having a struggle with routine after

preschool is over, but i will save that story for a future post

as it relates to some other struggles we've been having

at home.

I have not touched on Church or Sunday School

in this blog in the past, but today, i will :)

Our church is small (100-150 ppl)

and we meet in a highschool.

The kids program is:

Nursery 0-3

Preschoolers 4-6

Last year, before Marshall was diagnosed, he was

kind of a wild child. He had so much energy

and being in a church that is in a school with

endless hallways and room to run...

well, Marshall was in his glory,

and sweaty every Sunday,

and i was exhausted and sweaty as well. lol.

There wasn't a designated nursery classroom,

but rather, the helpers and the kids met in

a lounge area which had full access to the hallways.

Marshall had no interest in the toys,

but liked to climb the sitting areas

and would attempt to bolt down the hallways...

constantly.

It was too much to ask the volunteers to deal with,

so i have pretty much lived in the nursery area

Sunday mornings since Marshall was 1 years old.

Marshall is the only kid in our church who was

born in 2008, so this year, he was the only

child who would technically be moving

up into the preschool program.

I didn't know back in Spring if we should just keep

him back another year or not.

Prior to Marshall starting Next Step

and Preschool, i did have visions of him sitting in a

structured environment.

Back in June, my sister suggested that we

try a few times. And we did. And it failed.

But in September, my sister and I

worked out a plan to benefit and accommidate to

having Marshall in the program.

In the beginning, my sis and i shared Sundays.

This year they are using playdoh to tell the stories

which was an instant grab for Marshall,

which is great!

He would play with playdoh and sit nicely,

and then as the time went on,

he would get restless

and would end up running around the room

which is a cafeteria with tables set up everywhere.

We'd have to lock him inside

so he wouldn't run down the halls.

My sister got a few other volunteers on board

as it seemed that Marshall was doing better

with teachers and not with Mommy.

I am not upset by this.

I have come to accept that Marshall has some of his

worst behaviour with me. I mean, it sucks, but

i have been told that this is normal by

the therapists as he knows i am a safe person

and provide a safe place for him to tantrum or whatever.

Lovely eh? lol.

Moving on...

I am happy to share with you that over the past month,

with the help of a few loving volunteers,

Marshall is loving Sunday school!!

He sits and does every activity, and is no longer

running around or yelling

or being a distraction at all.

He has come out of the room and i have helped him

use the washroom, and he is eager to

go back into Sunday School without me!!

I am a happy Mommy.

I have been able to listen to the sermons for the past

few weeks. It has been years since Church has been

a place where i get fed, and it's wonderful

to have that back again.

A big thanks to Auntie C for making Marshall's success

at Sunday School a priority :)

So there you have it!

A brief run down of all of the school-type

activites that Marshall is loving and thriving in.