We don't have a lot of things with Marshall. He is generally pretty laid back. We know the triggers and do our best to prep him for upcoming changes or new events which helps. There are some things that for whatever reason Marshall has in his head, need to happen his way. Lately he has really been challenging us with behaviour following a "no, not now" or a "this is the way we are doing it".
A few months back we started to have a fight every time we left NSAP with Marshall's refusal to say "bye" to his teachers. Of course, because he knew we were all requiring him to use his manners and say goodbye, he would bolt the instant he was out the door and when I'd hold him back there'd be a lovely screaming fit. We worked our way into great eye contact goodbyes by me using a reward system at home. I shared what we were using for his reward with a few of M's BI's as well as with Janel, and everyone's reactions were similar. With a raised eyebrow they'd say, "A preschool learning book? Are you serious?" haha. YES! Oh how I loved using a learning reward that Marshall deemed fun :) When I'd share with his teachers that he is actually doing the work in them (writing, counting, drawing, shapes, etc) and doing it fairly well with some assistance, most of them were quite surprised! I guess for a lot of kids on the spectrum, book type learning outside of school is not a desired 'free time' activity. I'll take it ;)
Following Marshall's proper goodbyes he would turn to me and ask, "Do my book now?" And I would tell him that yes, we would work on it when we got home. He was happy. I was happy. After a couple of weeks, there were a few times where we weren't able to work on the book after school, or we'd forget once we got home. Marshall didn't seem to mind and wouldn't break down over forgetting or anything. Eventually we got to a point where he stopped asking about working in his book, yet continued to say proper goodbyes.... 'the phase out' was beautifully executed and goodbyes had become very natural. Win!
It's been several weeks since this goodbye business was deemed mastered (at least in my books). And only now that I've been reflecting when this 'new thing' started am I realizing that it started very closely following mastering goodbyes. This seems to happen a lot in different areas. I have heard other moms as well as teachers within my ASD community say the same thing... they finally stop doing thing #1 and now they've started doing thing #2. I think that a lot of kids do replacement behaviour stuff, but it seems to be much stronger in kids with Autism. We are embracing this with joy ;)
What's the new thing, you ask? It's a nothing thing, in my opinion, but Marshall HAS to have control over what it looks like... for reasons unknown to me, and I am not backing down! He wants me to carry his backpack. That's it. Marshall is happy to carry his backpack to and from preschool. Marshall is happy to carry his backpack into Next Step. Marshall is not happy to carry his backpack after NS and back to the car. Huh?? It wasn't like it was a huge deal one day, it has been progressing over the past several weeks.
It started casually with him just giving me his backpack after his goodbyes, or half-asking, and us walking out together. I wasn't bothered by this at first, but then he started kinda chucking it at me and running off... didn't love that. At first this was actually only happening once we left the school and were walking across the basketball courts. I started holding him from running off and telling him that he needed to ask me if he wanted me to carry it for him. He loved this idea... not! He would continue throw it at me or just drop it and then run off. So my next move was to walk past it and follow him to the car. He did not love my move. He would start screaming and yelling at me and even crying about the backpack that had been abandoned. Eventually he would ask me nicely or just carry it himself. It was really fun putting on our little show day after day for all of the parents from the regular school who are waiting for their children to come out. lol.
Marshall is a smart kid. After many days of this drama in the parking lot, he unexpectedly took it inside. Knowing that dropping his backpack and running off was not a cue for me to pick it up and carry it for him, he slung it onto my arm during a conversation I was having with one of his teachers. I didn't even register his sneaky ways until I was halfway across the parking lot, watching him run ahead of me, with this bag I 'accepted' on my arm. lol. The thing is, I don't mind holding his backpack for him at all, I just know that he has more than enough words to ask me to carry it, and I will accept nothing less than a simple request. It's not hard for him to ask, he is simply wanting control and being ridiculously stubborn... to me this is more about that than not wanting to carry it himself. Therefore, it is a battle I have chosen to pick ... and to 'fight'!!! haha.
This past Monday was 'Challenge Accepted' day. lol. In retrospect, I should've spent extra time talking to Marshall about what was happening after school prior to going to school. Each day leading up to it we would have our issue and I would talk to him in the moment or in the car afterwards, and then forget about it until I went to pick him up and we were in it again. You'd think I'd have learned by now. lol. Oh well, continuing on...
So now I am aware of Marshall and his backpack, and more aware of my hands/arms and where they are. Marshall comes out of class, says goodbye to his teacher, then comes over to me to sling his backpack onto me... except he can't find any loose limbs! hahaha!! He is not impressed, obviously. He starts getting really mad... he is yelling, jumping, crying, and being super dramatic. I am standing there embarrassed by his behaviour, but remaining calm and cool. I repeat myself again and again, "You need to ask me with your words." He tries to get away with a whining "please" but at this point that is not cutting it for me. He then demands with all of the wonderful words he has that "I no using my words a you hold my backpack!!" I smile and shake my head no as he continues to act out with yelling and trying to rip my arms down. I don't cave, but after a fairly short while (like a minute or two) Marshall does and he asks me to hold his backpack for him. Then I thank him for asking me nicely and we walk to the car... I am happy and he is angry after not getting his way. lol.
I was hopeful that it ended there, that me standing my ground would defeat the attempted victory for Marshall and that he wouldn't try again. I was very wrong.
Almost the exact same thing happened the following day with the same result... 2-0 Mom! woop woop!! The staff at NSAP was aware of what was happening in the hallway, and as disruptive as it was, they just smiled and nodded...hopefully admiring my efforts somewhat, or perhaps thinking I was a terrible mother, who knows!! lol. I'm so past worrying about what others may be thinking, thank goodness.
Wednesday, day three... with two 'wins' in a row, I thought the message was clear. Marshall picks things up pretty quickly and I figured we'd see less of a fight today. Janel was speaking to me about Marshall's yearly assessment when he came out of the classroom. I was hopeful to not see the same behaviour, especially because I was talking to Janel and that made the scenario different already. Well... It was bad. Basically the same routine as the days past happened, except this time was louder and multiplied. He jumped, he ripped at my arms, he screamed at me and screamed with his tongue sticking out. Janel and I had just been talking about how i'd mentioned to one of the staff that we'd be seeing more tantrums and behaviours at home that all seemed to be control based. Well, Marshall put on a show for her. Honestly, I was shocked at how extreme this was... and then it got worse. He started punching me and ramming me... what? Marshall has never been violent before towards anyone, ever. What the heck was going on here?! Not cool. Janel stood by (which always helps when you're dealing with a scenario such as this, an audience!) while I grabbed Marshall's fists and told him to stop hitting me. I told him he needed to ask me with words if he wanted me to hold his backpack. He kept hitting me. I told Janel that this was super extreme and above anything he is ever doing at home. She found that interesting and wondered if he was fighting harder because she was standing right there. Maybe. But regardless this was crazy, I couldn't believe it was lasting this long and that Marshall was so angry with me! When will this end? Then something new started happening... with a face full of anger and tears streaming down, tugging on my arms, Marshall started using his words alright... and even as I write this I still can't believe the things he started saying to me. :(
Marshall (with such anger and frustration):
"I a cut your eyes!"
"I a bam you all over everyfing!"
"I (s)mash your face a ground!"
I just stood there, shocked. Where in the world would he learn this kind of language? This is so mean and disturbing actually. This is not coming from my son... and over a backpack? Finally I bent down and held his face telling him it was not ok to talk like that to me or to anyone, and he stopped. I told Janel that I had never heard him talk like that and had no idea where it was coming from. All she said was that he must have heard other kids saying it. Really?? I guess... but where? What kids? I am still so confused and clueless as to where he would have learned such things. So, Janel left us after 10 long minutes (at least that's what it felt like) of this craziness, and I got on the ground to try and calm my son down. He calmed down after a bit, but refused to talk about his backpack. Then he climbed onto my lap and we sat there for a bit... he let me kiss his cheeks and wipe his tears. I told him I loved him. We were both exhausted. Then he stood up, picked up his backpack, and dramatically but willingly dragged it on the ground back to the car. lol.
We got into the car, buckled up, and I decided to talk have a talk with my son even though we were already late to pick up his sister.
It was not ok that he was screaming like that. It was not ok that he chose not to use his words. It was not ok that he was hitting me. It was not ok that he said such mean things that made me sad.
He said, "Ok Mommy, I no do dat next time".
I said, "Good".
And that was that.
Daddy talked to Marshall that evening about his behaviour in a calm and gentle way, and Marshall seemed to register that it was not an acceptable way to act.
Thursday before we left for school I sat down and had a short conversation with Marshall again about his backpack and after school. I told him that he had two choices:
1. Ask Mommy nicely to hold it.
2. Carry your backpack yourself.
I reminded him that there would be no screaming, crying, or hitting (I left out the mean words part as I thought a reminder maybe wouldn't be beneficial since it is generally not typical behaviour for him... also I am trying to pretend that part didn't actually happen). He stated that he wasn't going to do that again. We went to school. When class was over Marshall came out and stood next to me. He lifted his backpack to me and said, "Please?" I said, "Please what?" He replied sheepishly, "Please carry my backpack?" Of course I smiled and said, "Yes, thank you for asking me so nicely". And off we went to the car :)
Today is Friday. And this story was supposed to be a quick entry and once again has turned into a novel!! Today Marshall came out of his class carrying his own backpack. He said hi to me, told me he had a good day, said goodbye to his teacher. We didn't talk about his backpack. We walked towards the door and I crunched down so we could share an umbrella back to our car. It was a wonderful walk, even in the rain :D
Is this the end of the backpack fight? Who knows. I'm always hopeful. But as seems to be the norm, if it is the end, something else will creep up to take it's place in the world Marshall tries so hard to control. Ironically, or rather, purposefully, God has been teaching me a lot about control lately. About how Marshall, how all of my kids, are His before they are mine. About how I need to acknowledge that God is in control of my life, to trust in Him and have peace in that. Marshall will have many lessons learned in his lifetime, and I look forward to a day when he is aware of the peace he will be granted when he gives up control to Jesus. <3
"Life isn't about waiting for the storms to pass,
it's about learning to dance in the rain."
Friday, May 17, 2013
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Mother's Day Tea
I thought before I started this post I would go back into the blog to find the post on last year's Mother's Day. I am realizing now that I never did one!?! Maybe it's meshed in with something else, but I couldn't find it. Strange. It was such a 'memorable' event. Allow me to share :)
Marshall had just turned 4 and his preschool hosted a Mother's Day Tea. There was much talk and excitement leading up to the big day. The kids had been working on how to 'bless the moms' with crafts they made, songs they would sing, and with a special dessert served with ice tea :) Doesn't this all just sound lovely?
The big day arrived. I brought my camera. I did not have high expectations for this event... of course I was hopeful to be pleasantly surprised. Marshall was not embracing being a performer at this time in his life, but I knew I'd get a craft at least so that was cool. I was really only hopeful that he wouldn't start crying or make a big scene during the morning.
The Moms stayed in the hallway while the kids got ready. Then each preschooler came out with a flower and vase they had decoupage, said "Happy Mother's Day" to their moms, gave them their flower, took their hand, and led them to a table in the classroom. Then the kids went back to the front to sit on their spot in the line. My turn! Marshall came out smiling and gave me my flower, then he took my hand to guide me inside. He found me a spot and then proceeded to pull out the chair next to me and sit down. His aide came over and tried to get him to go back to the front... not happening. I tried to talk to him without getting him worked up... nope, he was not moving. Oh goody. Well, the kids started to sing and I thought that would cue him or encourage him to join his classmates... nope. He then proceeded to lift his arms up, joining his hands together, and placing them behind his head while he smiled like the turkey he is. I have a great picture of this. lol.
When it came time for the gifts to be handed out Marshall jumped up to get his gift for me. He made me a tile with his handprint on it, and he was so proud of it :) Then the kids were told to give their mom's a backrub like they had practiced, Marshall did this well. Then the teachers called the kids to the front to 'bless the moms' with a hand massage using lotion. Marshall was all over this idea. lol. I got a nice hand rub with lots of smiles and got the warm fuzzies I was hoping for that morning.
Then it was time to 'bless the moms' with a special dessert... a croissant with jam, whipped cream, and a strawberry. Marshall followed his classmates to the table to get my dessert. Then he came back with it, put it in front of himself, and ate the whole thing. Nice. lol. He doesn't like strawberries so he put it aside. When I asked if I could eat it he said no, and then threw it in the garbage. Boy oh boy did I ever feel 'blessed' as I watched my son devour my cake while I sipped my iced tea!! haha!
I do remember starting to get a little emotional that morning as I watched all the other mom's gleam with pride at their children who were doing all of the right things, but I didn't crack and just tried to remind myself that what I was being given in that moment was enough... because it was, especially for Marshall at that time :)
The teachers had a story time for the kids afterwards and Marshall did go sit with his friends and listened to the story well. Overall it was a good morning... I got some great handmade keepsakes, a good laugh out of Marshall's lack of effort, there were no tears or yelling fits, and I did in fact, feel blessed!
So this year when I opened up my email to see my invite to this years Mother's Day Tea, I had to laugh as I reflected last years special day that was 'all about me'. After some great performances over Christmas by Marshall, I was definitely hopeful to see him follow the lead of his classmates in truly blessing me on this fine morning. Well, this year Marshall had been talking so much more about the "Mothers Day Team" lol. He would come out of his classroom days prior and tell me right away, "shhh, its a secret" which was him repeating what his teachers had been telling them during class. haha. Marshall told me that he was going to sing for me and give me dessert... I tried not to snort or laugh when he would tell me this. lol. I caught him singing to the tune of B-I-N-G-O... "M-M-M-M-Y" and when I finished it by singing, "And MOMMY was her name-o!!", his smile widened as had uncovered one of his secrets!! It was sweet.
The morning of the tea Marshall wanted to pick out my clothes. He chose a dress with big orange and pink flowers on it, and an orange little cardigan to wear over it. It looked nice! Letting him chose my outfit worked really well for me, cause then when it came time to get Marshall dressed, I could say, "You picked my clothes so now I get to pick yours." lol. He picks out his clothes every day and is quite particular about it. So I picked out his jean shorts and gave him two choices for shirts. He chose a button up plaid shirt that he looks so sharp in, and together we were orange and loving it!
OH!! I totally forgot about the highlight (for the kids) of the whole morning... they were going to 'bless the moms' by painting their toenails!! Great idea. Marshall had been talking about wanting orange as well as stripes for my toes... I wasn't going to buy polish for this event, so I managed to convince him that it would be super cool if he put clear with sparkles overtop of some light purple that I had on my toes already. He was game!! Phew ;)
I got to preschool the morning of the tea and both Marshall and I were excited. Marshall joined his friends in the classroom and the moms waiting in the hallway. When Marshall came to get me he brought me a beautiful flower (coffee filters dyed) he'd made and took me to a spot.... then he went back to the front of the class in line with his friends!!! And then, he sang!! The kids sang quite a few songs and Marshall looked at me, did the actions, and sang his heart out for me :) Then they brought us our gifts...a hand painted box with little gadgets inside (a marble to replace one of the ones they helped us lose, etc) with a picture of him on the front, and a paper cut out of a teapot with a tea bag on it. Marshall helped me open it all and just beamed as he awaited my praise. We got a good picture of the two of us with his huge smile :D
Then the kids took some lotion from their teacher and rubbed our feet and legs... Marshall was all over this task again this year and even went back up for more lotion to rub on my legs! It felt so nice. Then the kids were instructed to get us ready for nail polish by putting in cotton balls between our toes if they were squished together. My toes are long and not in need of separating, but Marshall wanted to do it, so together we put in "marshmallows". lol. And then Marshall painted my toenails with sparkles and he did a fabulous job!! I was so proud of how careful he was and how much he was concentrating.
Dessert time!! Surely we couldn't have a completed perfect morning? But low and behold, my son brought me dessert and placed it directly in front of me, allowing me to eat the whole thing myself. Then he went to the table and got us both some iced tea. Before he went back to get his cookie, he asked me if I wanted a cookie too! The kids were instructed to only help themselves to a cookie once Mommy was fully taken care of. Marshall definitely did that. I was so proud of my big guy. We ate our designated treats together, and it was lovely. Then the kids climbed on the Mom's laps while the teachers proceeded to tell us the 'fill in the blanks' that our children said about us. Last year Marshall did not give his teachers any answers so they left it alone... this year, he was all over it. Here is what they read out loud... the way my son feels about me :S All of us moms were quite scared. lol.
I love my mom because she makes spaghetti.
My mom is as pretty as a dinosaur.
My mom is so smart, she even knows how to wear dresses.
My heart was mostly warmed by the dinosaur 'compliment'. lol. I love that he did it this year, and that he did it in his own way in which his character shows through :) So this was my glorious morning where I was blessed beyond expectation. What a difference from last year... really reflects Marshall's progress and how much he's grown. With all this talk about kindergarten coming up, this day gave me great comfort that Marshall is going to do well in fall. He is understanding direction and taking social cues from his peers well. Above all, Marshall is learning about the joy that comes from giving to someone else. I am happy to have been at the receiving end on a day that I will cherish forever.
Happy Mother's Day to me!!
Marshall had just turned 4 and his preschool hosted a Mother's Day Tea. There was much talk and excitement leading up to the big day. The kids had been working on how to 'bless the moms' with crafts they made, songs they would sing, and with a special dessert served with ice tea :) Doesn't this all just sound lovely?
The big day arrived. I brought my camera. I did not have high expectations for this event... of course I was hopeful to be pleasantly surprised. Marshall was not embracing being a performer at this time in his life, but I knew I'd get a craft at least so that was cool. I was really only hopeful that he wouldn't start crying or make a big scene during the morning.
The Moms stayed in the hallway while the kids got ready. Then each preschooler came out with a flower and vase they had decoupage, said "Happy Mother's Day" to their moms, gave them their flower, took their hand, and led them to a table in the classroom. Then the kids went back to the front to sit on their spot in the line. My turn! Marshall came out smiling and gave me my flower, then he took my hand to guide me inside. He found me a spot and then proceeded to pull out the chair next to me and sit down. His aide came over and tried to get him to go back to the front... not happening. I tried to talk to him without getting him worked up... nope, he was not moving. Oh goody. Well, the kids started to sing and I thought that would cue him or encourage him to join his classmates... nope. He then proceeded to lift his arms up, joining his hands together, and placing them behind his head while he smiled like the turkey he is. I have a great picture of this. lol.
When it came time for the gifts to be handed out Marshall jumped up to get his gift for me. He made me a tile with his handprint on it, and he was so proud of it :) Then the kids were told to give their mom's a backrub like they had practiced, Marshall did this well. Then the teachers called the kids to the front to 'bless the moms' with a hand massage using lotion. Marshall was all over this idea. lol. I got a nice hand rub with lots of smiles and got the warm fuzzies I was hoping for that morning.
Then it was time to 'bless the moms' with a special dessert... a croissant with jam, whipped cream, and a strawberry. Marshall followed his classmates to the table to get my dessert. Then he came back with it, put it in front of himself, and ate the whole thing. Nice. lol. He doesn't like strawberries so he put it aside. When I asked if I could eat it he said no, and then threw it in the garbage. Boy oh boy did I ever feel 'blessed' as I watched my son devour my cake while I sipped my iced tea!! haha!
I do remember starting to get a little emotional that morning as I watched all the other mom's gleam with pride at their children who were doing all of the right things, but I didn't crack and just tried to remind myself that what I was being given in that moment was enough... because it was, especially for Marshall at that time :)
The teachers had a story time for the kids afterwards and Marshall did go sit with his friends and listened to the story well. Overall it was a good morning... I got some great handmade keepsakes, a good laugh out of Marshall's lack of effort, there were no tears or yelling fits, and I did in fact, feel blessed!
So this year when I opened up my email to see my invite to this years Mother's Day Tea, I had to laugh as I reflected last years special day that was 'all about me'. After some great performances over Christmas by Marshall, I was definitely hopeful to see him follow the lead of his classmates in truly blessing me on this fine morning. Well, this year Marshall had been talking so much more about the "Mothers Day Team" lol. He would come out of his classroom days prior and tell me right away, "shhh, its a secret" which was him repeating what his teachers had been telling them during class. haha. Marshall told me that he was going to sing for me and give me dessert... I tried not to snort or laugh when he would tell me this. lol. I caught him singing to the tune of B-I-N-G-O... "M-M-M-M-Y" and when I finished it by singing, "And MOMMY was her name-o!!", his smile widened as had uncovered one of his secrets!! It was sweet.
The morning of the tea Marshall wanted to pick out my clothes. He chose a dress with big orange and pink flowers on it, and an orange little cardigan to wear over it. It looked nice! Letting him chose my outfit worked really well for me, cause then when it came time to get Marshall dressed, I could say, "You picked my clothes so now I get to pick yours." lol. He picks out his clothes every day and is quite particular about it. So I picked out his jean shorts and gave him two choices for shirts. He chose a button up plaid shirt that he looks so sharp in, and together we were orange and loving it!
OH!! I totally forgot about the highlight (for the kids) of the whole morning... they were going to 'bless the moms' by painting their toenails!! Great idea. Marshall had been talking about wanting orange as well as stripes for my toes... I wasn't going to buy polish for this event, so I managed to convince him that it would be super cool if he put clear with sparkles overtop of some light purple that I had on my toes already. He was game!! Phew ;)
I got to preschool the morning of the tea and both Marshall and I were excited. Marshall joined his friends in the classroom and the moms waiting in the hallway. When Marshall came to get me he brought me a beautiful flower (coffee filters dyed) he'd made and took me to a spot.... then he went back to the front of the class in line with his friends!!! And then, he sang!! The kids sang quite a few songs and Marshall looked at me, did the actions, and sang his heart out for me :) Then they brought us our gifts...a hand painted box with little gadgets inside (a marble to replace one of the ones they helped us lose, etc) with a picture of him on the front, and a paper cut out of a teapot with a tea bag on it. Marshall helped me open it all and just beamed as he awaited my praise. We got a good picture of the two of us with his huge smile :D
Then the kids took some lotion from their teacher and rubbed our feet and legs... Marshall was all over this task again this year and even went back up for more lotion to rub on my legs! It felt so nice. Then the kids were instructed to get us ready for nail polish by putting in cotton balls between our toes if they were squished together. My toes are long and not in need of separating, but Marshall wanted to do it, so together we put in "marshmallows". lol. And then Marshall painted my toenails with sparkles and he did a fabulous job!! I was so proud of how careful he was and how much he was concentrating.
Dessert time!! Surely we couldn't have a completed perfect morning? But low and behold, my son brought me dessert and placed it directly in front of me, allowing me to eat the whole thing myself. Then he went to the table and got us both some iced tea. Before he went back to get his cookie, he asked me if I wanted a cookie too! The kids were instructed to only help themselves to a cookie once Mommy was fully taken care of. Marshall definitely did that. I was so proud of my big guy. We ate our designated treats together, and it was lovely. Then the kids climbed on the Mom's laps while the teachers proceeded to tell us the 'fill in the blanks' that our children said about us. Last year Marshall did not give his teachers any answers so they left it alone... this year, he was all over it. Here is what they read out loud... the way my son feels about me :S All of us moms were quite scared. lol.
I love my mom because she makes spaghetti.
My mom is as pretty as a dinosaur.
My mom is so smart, she even knows how to wear dresses.
My heart was mostly warmed by the dinosaur 'compliment'. lol. I love that he did it this year, and that he did it in his own way in which his character shows through :) So this was my glorious morning where I was blessed beyond expectation. What a difference from last year... really reflects Marshall's progress and how much he's grown. With all this talk about kindergarten coming up, this day gave me great comfort that Marshall is going to do well in fall. He is understanding direction and taking social cues from his peers well. Above all, Marshall is learning about the joy that comes from giving to someone else. I am happy to have been at the receiving end on a day that I will cherish forever.
Happy Mother's Day to me!!
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Marshall turns 5!!!!!
This blog post has been haunting me... the one where I return after 5 months of no updates. I have completed my winter semester of school a few weeks ago and finally feel like I have the time (and the head space) to write. I've really missed blogging and being able to express myself here. I plan to do a couple of back dated posts in the next month, so for today I will just focus on Marshall's birthday!
Yesterday was Marshall's birthday... a whopping 5 years old with Kindergarten in his near future! Next month marks the 2 year anniversary of Marshall's diagnosis of Autism (PDD-NOS). I am just blown away with who my son is today, and just how far he has come. We are just so blessed to have had an early diagnosis and that there is funding for intervention... Marshall has become a 'poster child' for early intervention and autism when you look at his progress! He has really grown into his own character over the past year and continues to be a fun-loving, carefree, happy, jokey little dude. His language continues to progress and almost daily I find myself pausing in thought or motion to reflect back something Marshall just said or asked, in awe of the complete (or almost) form! He is becoming more aware of his surrounding in that he is talking about his schools and the friends and activities that happen there. His social world is evolving and he is becoming more comfortable in scenarios that may have been big triggers in the past.
Birthday parties. Ugh. I am not one of those Mom's who plans their kids' parties a year in advance. I don't go all out with crazy decorations, cakes, or party games/crafts...my sister is one of those Moms. haha. In truth, I hate planning birthday parties. lol. I find them to be a source of stress... who do we invite? is the weather going to cooperate? what kind of food should I have? do I have to bake a cake myself? how much is this going to cost me? Of course, I have to care a little bit because my kids count on me, but I am so thankful that they are pretty relaxed like myself and not demanding of elaborate events... quite possibly because unlike my sister, I haven't exposed my kids to amazingly planned and executed birthdays. lol. If their friends come, there are presents and cake, they are happy!
Marshall has been talking about his birthday, about his party for several months now. This year he knew who he wanted to invite and from both schools... the two he chose from preschool have autism as well (thought that was interesting). Because we planned his party on his actual birthday which was a Monday, we invited the siblings of these kids. What we ended up doing was having the preschool 2, plus moms, plus 3 siblings all over for lunch during the time between the two school schedules. We left the NSAP friends for after school as there were many siblings as well (6), plus the 4 friends and the Moms.
Two parties in one day, for someone who isn't a party planning lover... what was I thinking?? Well, i guess I just wanted to give my big boy a great birthday... 5 is a big one! It was a busy day and the weather was HOT (30'c) and everyone had a good time... including me ;) Marshall had a blast and loved having his friends here!! I've been to a few parties with Marshall that did not go well for him. Too many organized games and photos where those moments that us ASD Mom's hate to see our child be so different from the rest. So, we had NO games, NO posed photos. Total free time to play in our backyard using the trampoline, play structure, water table, and basketball hoop! We ate a variety of ORANGE themed foods, and all had fun! I love my backyard. I am so thankful that we are able to host play dates where the kids are safe and have lots of areas to play, that allow for the Moms to have some good visiting time.
Last year we told the families not to bring presents. This year we enforced presents. lol, jk. We didn't say not to bring them... Marshall knows what birthday parties are supposed to look like now, and presents are the highlight. I hate it. But I know that it is exciting, and I always try to encourage my kids to give back, and to give and be satisfied in that alone. But Marshall is 5, and I need to let him enjoy the gift part.... and he did, so much actually, that several times throughout the party I had to coach him back outside as he felt he needed to protect the presents on the table inside. lol. Turkey.
On Sunday we went out for lunch after Church with Nana and Grandpa, at Marshall's request, to Red Robin... or as he likes to call it, "Robin's House". lol. Tomorrow we will head to Nana's house for dinner where Marshall has requested hamburgers and icecream for dessert! Grandpa started a theme with his grandkids this year of singing to them and posting it on facebook for their birthdays... it's so sweet. Marshall loved it and wanted to watch it again and again!! Later that day Marshall ran over to me and wanted to see the video of where Nana is singing happy birthday to him (LOL)... come on Mom, you don't want to disappoint him, do you? I laughed so hard when he asked me this! It's only funny for those who know how 'outspoken' she is ;)
Reflecting on both parties I just really see how much Marshall has matured. In the past there would have been so many times where sharing his toys at a party would have been a nightmare. He was so happy to have his friends over that he just enjoyed himself and we did not have one meltdown :) The only issue was the presents in the house, and I had to use my persuasive ways to lure him outside (threatened that he wouldn't get cake, lol). Oh! I just remembered there was one time where he started to lose it at the first party, and that was when he went into a panic and started to cry because they were leaving and I had forgotten about the goody bags we prepared for the kids. He was begging them to "please wait!" and stop walking towards the gate so he could run in the house and get them. Can't knock him for that!!
Happy Birthday Marshall!
You have inspired us, proven that with determination comes success, and loved beyond words. You have taught me patience, how to put my feet in someone else's shoes, and you have stretched my smile far beyond it's limits. We know that you will continue to succeed in your journey and we are so happy that God planned for us to be your parents. We love you... more than chicken ;)
Birthday parties. Ugh. I am not one of those Mom's who plans their kids' parties a year in advance. I don't go all out with crazy decorations, cakes, or party games/crafts...my sister is one of those Moms. haha. In truth, I hate planning birthday parties. lol. I find them to be a source of stress... who do we invite? is the weather going to cooperate? what kind of food should I have? do I have to bake a cake myself? how much is this going to cost me? Of course, I have to care a little bit because my kids count on me, but I am so thankful that they are pretty relaxed like myself and not demanding of elaborate events... quite possibly because unlike my sister, I haven't exposed my kids to amazingly planned and executed birthdays. lol. If their friends come, there are presents and cake, they are happy!
Marshall has been talking about his birthday, about his party for several months now. This year he knew who he wanted to invite and from both schools... the two he chose from preschool have autism as well (thought that was interesting). Because we planned his party on his actual birthday which was a Monday, we invited the siblings of these kids. What we ended up doing was having the preschool 2, plus moms, plus 3 siblings all over for lunch during the time between the two school schedules. We left the NSAP friends for after school as there were many siblings as well (6), plus the 4 friends and the Moms.
Two parties in one day, for someone who isn't a party planning lover... what was I thinking?? Well, i guess I just wanted to give my big boy a great birthday... 5 is a big one! It was a busy day and the weather was HOT (30'c) and everyone had a good time... including me ;) Marshall had a blast and loved having his friends here!! I've been to a few parties with Marshall that did not go well for him. Too many organized games and photos where those moments that us ASD Mom's hate to see our child be so different from the rest. So, we had NO games, NO posed photos. Total free time to play in our backyard using the trampoline, play structure, water table, and basketball hoop! We ate a variety of ORANGE themed foods, and all had fun! I love my backyard. I am so thankful that we are able to host play dates where the kids are safe and have lots of areas to play, that allow for the Moms to have some good visiting time.
Last year we told the families not to bring presents. This year we enforced presents. lol, jk. We didn't say not to bring them... Marshall knows what birthday parties are supposed to look like now, and presents are the highlight. I hate it. But I know that it is exciting, and I always try to encourage my kids to give back, and to give and be satisfied in that alone. But Marshall is 5, and I need to let him enjoy the gift part.... and he did, so much actually, that several times throughout the party I had to coach him back outside as he felt he needed to protect the presents on the table inside. lol. Turkey.
On Sunday we went out for lunch after Church with Nana and Grandpa, at Marshall's request, to Red Robin... or as he likes to call it, "Robin's House". lol. Tomorrow we will head to Nana's house for dinner where Marshall has requested hamburgers and icecream for dessert! Grandpa started a theme with his grandkids this year of singing to them and posting it on facebook for their birthdays... it's so sweet. Marshall loved it and wanted to watch it again and again!! Later that day Marshall ran over to me and wanted to see the video of where Nana is singing happy birthday to him (LOL)... come on Mom, you don't want to disappoint him, do you? I laughed so hard when he asked me this! It's only funny for those who know how 'outspoken' she is ;)
Reflecting on both parties I just really see how much Marshall has matured. In the past there would have been so many times where sharing his toys at a party would have been a nightmare. He was so happy to have his friends over that he just enjoyed himself and we did not have one meltdown :) The only issue was the presents in the house, and I had to use my persuasive ways to lure him outside (threatened that he wouldn't get cake, lol). Oh! I just remembered there was one time where he started to lose it at the first party, and that was when he went into a panic and started to cry because they were leaving and I had forgotten about the goody bags we prepared for the kids. He was begging them to "please wait!" and stop walking towards the gate so he could run in the house and get them. Can't knock him for that!!
Happy Birthday Marshall!
You have inspired us, proven that with determination comes success, and loved beyond words. You have taught me patience, how to put my feet in someone else's shoes, and you have stretched my smile far beyond it's limits. We know that you will continue to succeed in your journey and we are so happy that God planned for us to be your parents. We love you... more than chicken ;)
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