My brother asked me to be a part of the worship team at
our church for Thanksgiving Sunday.
I used to be on a regular rotation,
but Marshall's needs have taken over a lot of the things
i was once involved in in our church.
My brother put out there that he wanted each person
on the team to choose a song that has touched our
lives personally, and also, to pray about possibly
sharing why during the Sunday service.
Hmmmm.
Well, i do a lot of 'sharing' in this blog,
but sharing verbally involves emotions that are definitely
not private, and it's definitely not an easy thing to do.
But God was prompting me.
I prayed for clarity of direction
and it finally came, late the night beforehand.
I really don't know any other way to express myself
except through truth and straight from my heart.
I feel that God has given me a lot to deal
with, especially in this past year.
Those of you who only read this blog,
don't know much else except
that my son has Autism.
Well, Autism is definitely the focus of most of my
writings, but i thought that it was important
that i share with you what i shared with
my church for Thanksgiving.
Here it is.
Music is and always has been,
a big part of my life.
There is one song that from the moment i heard it,
felt as though it was speaking directly to me and to my
life at this exact time.
What if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights
are what it takes to know You're near?
What if trials of this life,
are your mercies in diguise?
This song is called 'Blessings' by Laura Story.
The lyrics are so amazing and so powerful
and i know that they speak not only to me,
but to so many broken souls out there.
It has been a hard year for our family of 5.
So when asked what i'm thankful for,
the instant answers of the past
don't apply in the same way as they once did.
Am i thankful for financial stress?
Am i thankful for a hurting child that i tried to help
but couldn't?
Am i thankful for annual hospital visits?
Am i thankful for Epilepsy?
Am i thankful that life is filled with questions and uncertainties?
Am i thankful for Autism?
Am i thankful that God has given me such a full
plate that i have questioned if he really knew if i was
strong enough,
trusting enough,
had faith enough
to believe in His plan and His plan alone?
When this song comes on the radio now,
my 5 year old says to me,
"Mommy, this is your sad song."
Have i cried to this song?
Maybe a little, ok, maybe a lot.
This song meets me where i'm at...
and will carry me through.
So, what AM i thankful for you ask?
Let me tell you.
I am thankful for my husband.
I am thankful for his job.
I am thankful for food on the table.
I am thankful for my home on earth,
and that there's one waiting for me in heaven.
I am thankful for my kids - B, D and Marshall.
I am thankful for healing,
and knowing that time is in God's hands.
I am thankful for His word,
and for a future that is not mine to worry about.
I am thankful for medication
that prevents and controls seizures and
has allowed my little girl to blossom.
I am thankful for doctors and nurses...
I am thankful for help.
I am thankful for my sister,
my parents,
my family,
my church family,
my friends.
I am thankful for encouraging words.
I am thankful for prayer and support.
I am thankful for patience.
I am thankful for His death and ressurection.
I am thankful for my health.
I am thankful that with Marshall's diagnosis
of Autism, he is getting the therapy
and intervention he needs.
I am thankful that Marshall has had
tremendous progress in such
a short time,
and that there is hope for a bright future.
Yes, my plate is full, but i am thankful
that WITH God I AM
strong enough,
trusting enough,
have faith enough
to believe in His plan and His plan alone.
God's love for me is unconditional,
and for that,
I am thankful.
And then I, along with my brother and sister in law,
sang this song...
or rather, attempted to sing it. :)
I almost made it through, but the words got to me
at the very end.
This was not an easy share.
It definitely made me incredibly vulnerable.
But i really felt like i had no choice.
God is using me in ways i never thought possible.
For what other reason would He
burden me with the things of this world if not to be
able to relate to others?
To be able to share a piece of what we've gone through
as a family...
what we are going through right now.
To be a witness of His strength and love.
To prove to me that with Him,
and only with Him,
I can survive.
What if trials of this life...
the rain, the storms, the darkest nights,
are your mercies in disguise.
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