God of All Comfort

I really should have made an effort to

post on this blog

the very next day after the last post.

I am doing just fine!!!

I'm sure it will not be the last breakdown i ever have,

and i hope that it will be quite a while

before i go into that 'dark' place again... it can

be quite depressing.

Thankfully, i do not suffer from depression

or anything like that,

and when you look at how Marshall is doing

in the bigger picture of things,

how can i be anything but happy and proud!!

Thank you to those who sent me messages reminding

me of my purpose in this life,

and for encouraging me...

for loving me and my family.

I recieved an email from someone very close to me,

who is not an emotionally open person.

He spoke about how hard it is for him to express

how he feels, even through email,

and that perhaps he should try to (say kind things)

more often so it's not so hard.

It got me thinking about myself a lot.

I don't come from a very open family.

We all have our opinions

and will speak strongly about them. lol.

But we don't say "I love you" often... or ever.

But i know that i am loved by everyone -

but is knowing it the same as hearing it?

I always thought so... but after hearing it this week,

even through email,

i gotta say, that it feels pretty amazing.

It's a strange thing, often a scary thing,

to be vulnerable.

In writing this blog, i write it as my own journal.

It is open.

Everything is laid out.

And honestly, i have considered myself to be

quite closed (in the past) as far as these things are concerned.

God has put it on my heart to

share...

to make myself vulnerable to the world.

To share about our journey,

about my son,

about all of it - both good and hard times.

There have been times when i've struggled but have

been reserved as far as this blog is concerned.

But i felt that in my 'breakdown',

my mourning of the loss of my 'normal' son

this past week,

i needed to share.

I couldn't ignore God's prompting of my heart.

It's not always easy to do.

But it is definitely a lot easier to do via this blog than

it is in person. lol.

If i need to stop typing to just keel over and bawl,

i can do that without an audience...

and last Tuesday, that's what it looked like.

Crying out to God as a lost lamb

is not easy for me.

I am strong.

I've got it together.

I can do this.

I, I, I.

But you know what?

I can't do it alone.

I needed strength beyond all human measure

this past week.

In your weakness, I am strong

says the Lord.

It has been a reminder that i

need to ask and accept His strength daily.

That it doesn't make me weak to admit

that i can't do it on my own...

if anything, it makes me stronger in my faith

and breaks me down before God.

I believe that needs to happen

in order for our eyes, minds and souls to be opened.

Open to His love, His arms.

It is humbling.

A friend of mine passed away in highschool.

She was a musician and wrote this beautiful song

with these lyrics that come to the surface often in my life.

God of all comfort, comfort me.

God of all mercy, come to me.

You heard my voice and rescued me.

Your child i will always be.

Take every day one at a time.

Be thankful that each day you can start fresh.

Learn. Laugh. Love.

Forgive.

Get out of your comfort zone

and let someone in... into your heart and soul.

It very well may be the hardest thing

you ever do,

but i will tell you, it will also be rewarding.

I have been amazed by how many

people have told me how this blog has touched them.

I have so much support on this journey.

Prayer that is much needed.

God's work in me, and my willingness to follow

Him and the passion He has placed on my heart,

has been such a blessing to me.

Thank you for coming along.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Praise be to the God and Father of our

Lord Jesus Christ,

the Father of compassion and the

God of all comfort,

who comforts us in all our troubles,

so that we can comfort those in any trouble

with the comfort we ourselves

have recieved from God.