Christmas Performances

This was Marshall's first year being a part of Christmas

performances, and he was a part of two!

On the last day of preschool,

Marshall's class had a party where the parents

were invited.

My husband took the day off as both of

the little kids had Christmas performaces during school hours

and on the same day, so it worked out well.

The kids had been practicing Christmas songs

for weeks, but of course, Marshall

does not have the language to tell

me about anything he does at school.

I pick up on some things based on the crafts he brings

home, or Mary his aide will inform me.

Marshall did give me a little taste of

his singing when i brought home

a hair elastic with bells on it for his sister to wear.

He started shaking the bells and belting out,

"Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle all the way!

Oh... fun.... ....... sleigh, HEY!!!"

LOL.

I was shrieking with excitment when he first did this!

It was so cool to hear,

and also, i've never heard him string that many

words together!

(We phoned several family members so he could sing it to them!

He is really into talking on the phone lately :))

I mentioned to Marshall's teacher Mrs. K that M

had sung some of Jingle Bells at home and

she had stated that "if he sings half as loud

during the performance as he does in practice,

it will be awesome!"

Well, the day of the performance came

and Marshall participated in everything...

but he kept pretty silent through it.

He did all of the actions and

seemed to really enjoy it all,

and he did shout out "HEY!" with his arm raised

during the appropriate time during Jingle Bells :)

After the singing time,

there were crafts set up at a few tables

which Marshall enjoyed as well.

After coffee/juice and some snacks,

the parents were free to leave.

Danny and I were talking with a couple of the parents

as well as the teachers and were the last

ones to leave.

One of the teachers commented on how well Marshall did

how very often, the families with

Special Needs kids are the first to leave

as these situations can be overwhelming for the child...

and look at us, the last ones to leave :D

Marshall had a great time as did we.

One of the Moms approached me at the craft table

and said that her daughter talks about Marshall often.

This made me happy.

Another time this morning, Miss Mary pointed out

this same little girl and said that the two

often play really well together. Awww.

Making friends is often difficult for children with Autism,

and look at Marshall, making a friend.

So sweet.

The second Christmas performance Marshall was to be involved

in is the one that we do at our church.

They have been practicing Sunday mornings since

October. There were a lot of songs for the kids to learn,

and then acting parts in between each song that

were done by some of the older kids.

I took Marshall into the practice area

several times, and he would scream and run out as soon

as we'd set foot in the room.

I wasn't going to force it as who knows what the heck

he would do on stage anyways.

Then we had our turn with the cd at home

a few weeks ago so his sister

could practice the songs.

By the end of the week, Marshall was really into a few of the

songs. He was dancing and doing some of the actions

as well as singing a little bit!!

So, the following Sunday, i took him into practice again

and he walked right up to the group of kids

and found his spot!

I sat in during the practice and M was actually participating

for one of the songs where there are a lot of

actions. After that song he was done and

came over to me and we left the practice.

The following Sunday my parents took the kids to church

and my sister told me that M stayed in the practice the whole

time! Ok, so what will he do during the real deal??

The Sunday before the Christmas play

they had a rehersal on the stage.

I decided to take Marshall to this to better gauge

whether or not he could be on the stage

during the live performance.

Ideally i would love to see him up there of course,

but if he was creating problems or being too

distracting, i felt i needed to respect everybody else involved

and pull him out.

Well, Marshall was eager and went on the stage

with the other kids. He kinda participated

doing some of the actions,

but he often just stood there or turned around,

or looked up at the spot lights squinting and what not.

During the times when the kids sit down

was where most of the problems arose

as Marshall could not keep quiet.

He kept talking and jammering and we were

constantly shushing him.

Near the end of the play, the kids all move to the back

of the stage so that one of the children can do back

flips and hand springs and such.

Well, Marshall thought this was a cool idea,

so when he saw her doing it,

he got on the floor in the middle of the stage and started

doing his own gymnastic routine! lol.

It was pretty funny, and i thought the audience

might enjoy it, but really, it was a big hazard

to have M up there with her doing her tricks...

and the Director didn't seem to fond of the

idea of having M rolling around on the stage. lol.

I tried to get him to stay in line with the kids but that concept

was lost on him.

SOOOO....

after practice i decided that i would not put him on stage at all.

He was too loud during the speaking parts

which would really take from the story.

But now that i'd allowed him to go on the stage with the kids

for rehearsal, was he going to sit nicely in the

audience and just observe Sunday morning? Hmmm... doubtful,

but i thought we'd just have to try it and see.

I talked to a few family members as well as some church

friends about how i was going to keep M from

being a part of the play.

Everyone said to me that they wanted to see Marshall up

there and that i should put him up there.

I wanted to, but i didn't want him to ruin it.

Dilemma.

Church started and during the Directors intro,

Marshall had to go pee.

So i took him out of church to the washroom

which i thought might actually work out well as Marshall

would not see all of the kids enter the stage and be

screaming that he'd want to go too.

We came out of the washroom and the kids were singing

on stage. As we walked down the stairs

towards the front of the chapel where we were sitting,

Marshall kept looking at me saying, "sing".

Yikes, well, lets try to sit down.

I guided him into our row of seats and he didn't want to

sit down... he kept pointing to the stage saying SING!

I said "no no" a few times and he came to me.

Then the kids moved onto the next song,

Marshall's favourite song with all the dancing in it.

Marshall was asking and asking to sing

and i looked over at my husband and asked if i should let him

go up there and he shrugged.

So i let him out of the row and he very slowly crept up to

the stage. He ran across the front of it to the stairs on

the other side. I waited to see what exactly he

was going to do.

Well, he walked up the stairs and across the stage to where

the kids were dancing... i knew the WHOLE chuch had

their eyes on my son. I sat in my seat waiting

for what was to come too!

Marshall paused in his spot on the stage

and the broke into the dance routine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was HILARIOUS!!!!!

The whole church was laughing and Marshall was

having a blast up there smiling and dancing away.

My husband and I were laughing as well.

Goodness Marshall, you are not shy!!

Tears were running down my face i was laughing so hard...

and then as the laughter calmed down i was confused

at how many tears i was having to wipe away still,

and the i realized,

i'm crying.

There were a lot of emotions flowing through me

and i was just so proud of my little guy up there

just being himself with the love of our church

behind him.

The title of the play is called The Christmas Star,

and Marshall was definitely a Star :)

If you are facebook friends with me, you can

go to my wall and watch the 2 minute video my

brother in law took of Marshall's moment of fame!

I've watched it at least 20 times already. lol.

Marshall sat down with the kids when the song was over

and as the audience clapped (mostly for M i'm sure),

Marshall clapped happily as well.

It was a pretty amazing moment for Marshall,

one i'll never forget.

I couldn't believe it, but when all the kids sat down

during the acting parts, M did too, and he was actually quiet!!

I came down to the front so i could grab him if i needed

to, but he did pretty good for a while.

There was a handheld mike that needed to be used by

the girl standing beside Marshall for an upcoming solo.

The director, not really thinking about it,

laid the microphone down in the garland on the stage

right near this girl... and Marshall.

Well, Marshall stopped singing and moving and he went into

a total zone.... he did not take his eyes off of the mike!! lol.

The laughter in the audience as we all waiting in anticipation,

was contaigeous. It was a growing laughter which

is the best kind in my opinion.

I sat on edge, waiting at any moment to jump up and grab

him... but he just stood there staring. lol.

Then he got distracted and the director handed the mike

to the little girl without M noticing.

But then shortly after, he saw that the mike was now in her

hands. He turned his body toward

her and just stared at that mike in her hands.

Everyone was laughing.

I just laughed and watched him.

He reached out once for it but retracted. lol.

Then, of course right when she was supposed to start her solo,

Marshall reached for it, grabbed it, and attempted to

pull it away from her! oh no!!

I jumped up and grabbed it from him and gave it back to her

and then pulled Marshall off the stage.

I felt terrible, i still feel terrible.

The little girl missed her cue and ended up coming in late

for her solo :(

The mike was not turned on so it made me feel a bit better

knowing that the solo wouldn't have been heard either way,

but still.

I went over to her parents right after the program was over

and apologized and they brushed it off saying that it was

totally fine. But i'm sure they were just being nice.

*sigh, what can you do?

I kept Marshall off of the stage after that,

although he really fought me to get on there during the

gymnastic routine. lol.

After church was over, i think every little group gathered

throughout the church had Marshall

as the topic of conversation. Pretty cool.

Many people approached me to say how happy they were

to see M on the stage and how sweet and

memorable he made this Christmas.

A great memory for sure.

Marshall, you are our STAR!!

I will post more about Christmas events we took part

in this year, but most likely after Christmas is over.

So i'd like to wish you and your family a very

MERRY CHRISTMAS

from our home to yours.

Blessing to you all!

Hellos and Goodbyes at NSAP

In my last meeting with NS,

a couple of months ago,

Marshall's goodbyes were right on track and we had listed

that we needed to work on getting Marshall

to say an appropriate "hi" to his interventionist upon arrival

of school.

They have been doing this by coming right up to him

at the door frame and repeatedly saying hi to M

right down at his level until he looks at them

and then greets them with some type of hello,

before he could enter the room.

Marshall is a quick learner,

so after a couple of days of this routine,

M would actually wait at the door when they

would forget to purposefully greet him,

until one of them looked over and then he'd say

his hello and enter the room.

It seemed he'd mastered this.

The past week or so, he isn't saying hello anymore

and they aren't enforcing it...

perhaps just simply because we thought it was mastered,

i'm sure it will come up in conversation in the New Year.

Marshall walks into the classroom now and

become absorbed by his surroundings...

actually, i think this all started when they put their

Christmas tree up.

Marshall loves Christmas trees, and he says it

pretty clear to.

There's so much to look at and of course, all of the pretty

lights... at school, he flocks in that direction each time.

What has become an issue at NSAP

(Next Step Autism Program)

are Marshall's goodbyes.

At the end of Marshall's day his interventionist

will help him get his jacket and backpack on,

and the parents wait in the hallway for

the kids to come out.

The classroom is right near the outside door.

So what was happening was that if i was there

early and Marshall came out of the classroom,

he'd call out "Mommy!" and come over to me for

a big hug. I'd greet him and then talk to his

interventionist about how his day was.

Marshall would be eager to go outside and to the car,

so he'd run over to the door and wait impatiently for me

to finish talking.

Since August when Marshall

started this program, we'd been asking M to say goodbye

to his teacher shortly after saying hello to me.

Sometimes he would say it easily, and other times

we'd really have to prompt him to do so.

There are times when i am not early and Marshall

comes out into the hallway and waits for me.

Then when i enter he runs to the door for me

and then i try to get him to say goodbye.

Well, for whatever reason, Marshall was being

incredibly stubborn about saying goodbye

to his teachers the past month or so.

Also, because there was no goodbye plan really in place,

both Carla and Miranda were dealing with goodbyes

differently, which obviously would be

confusing for Marshall.

Carla took more of an aggressive role and was more

adament that Marshall say goodbye properly than

Miranda who would try but would accept an attempt

rather than wait for a full on eye contact goodbye with words.

I was becoming frustrated with goodbyes and there

were many times where i would somewhat restrain

Marshall in order to force him to acknowledge his

teacher with a goodbye.

Now, I don't mind restraining my son with my hands,

as you already know...

there are times where it is for his own benefit to calm him down

and to realize that one thing needs to happen before the

next thing can happen, such as him putting on his

shoes and jacket before he sees the fish at preschool.

I only had to do it a few times for him to realize that

he needs to follow my routine and not his own.

Back to NS and goodbyes...

A couple of weeks ago, i was a minute or so late to

pick Marshall up.

I walked across the parking lot to the glass doors

only to see Carla with both hands on Marshall,

restraining him in the corner by the door

trying to get him to say goodbye to her.

Marshall had seen me through the glass and was

screaming for me.

I didn't like it, not one bit.

The whole scenario was upsetting to me.

Once i opened the door,

i didn't know what to do.

There had been a few times kind of like this already,

where i wasn't sure if they wanted me to make M

say goodbye, or if they wanted him to acknowledge their

prompting. So in this scenario, when it started

before i even got there, it kinda pissed me off to be honest.

It was upsetting to me.

I got down to Marshall's level and let Carla continue to

restrain him, not sure if i should take over like i

wanted to, or to stand back watching my son

reach out for me, calling to me, and just stare back at him.

Well, in that chaotic moment, i just went along

with Carla and told Marshall (begged him with my eyes)

to just say goodbye to Carla.

Eventually Marshall did say goodbye and then bolted

into my arms crying.

That was hard... for both of us.

Now, i don't want to make Carla out to be some kind of bully

or meany or whatever... she's not.

Even in her restraint, she continued to smile

at Marshall in her prompting and her voice was not

super stern or anything like that.

They have many kids in their program who are all

different. In talking with Miranda i realize that not

only are the kids each individuals in their common label

of Autism, but each parent is different as well.

This scenario of goodbyes wasn't pleasant for me,

and i wasn't sure what i wanted to change at first,

but it was the first time that i really questioned

their methods... but in all fairness,

there was no plan in place for this scenario.

I came home that night and talked to my husband about

it and i had already decided that the next day

i was going to bring this topic up.

I do understand that Marshall

needs to learn to say appropriate goodbyes when

leaving, i don't fight that.

But i would prefer it if I was the one to make him do it,

if I was the one to hold onto him and force it.

So the next day i took Marshall to school

and he had Miranda that day, so we chatted for a bit.

Ironically, both Miranda and Carla had already

talked about the goodbye situation and

she started to talk to me about it first.

I told her that i was just going to mention that i wanted

there to be consistancy so we were all on

the same page.

I then explained to Miranda that i was uncomfortable

with the way Carla was in Marshall's face

while restraining him for a goodbye, and how

from now on i'd prefer it if i took the reigns and controlled

that scenario.

Miranda stated that it is always great to talk with the

parents as each parent is different.

She said that many parents in this situation would

want the interventionist to be firm with their

child. Well, i guess i'm not like most... and i'm ok with that.

I left that conversation feeling good.

Miranda acknowleged my request and said she

would pass it onto Carla and did not state that me taking

over was of any concern to Marshall's well being

or anything like that.

That day, Janel (she runs the NSAP and is also a BI)

was seeing Marshall for a review.

When i came to pick Marshall up she wanted to chat.

She had talked to Miranda

and she had some thoughts of her own on the goodbyes.

She's the boss there and i do value her thoughts

and opinions.

She told me that she understood that i was upset with

the way the goodbyes were being handled.

She asked me,

"Are you going to be there Marshall's whole life to make

him say goodbye?"

I stated that no, i wouldn't, but that no one else would

ever get in Marshall's face and restrain him until he

said goodbye either,

and i felt that that was just as valid of a point.

I said that only in this program will M have forced

goodbyes, so i thought that my scenario

of me controlling it would serve a better purpose

across the board for Marshall right now.

Janel didn't really argue my point.

She understood that there is a lot of chaos at the door

and that Marshall is always very eager to see me,

so her new plan was that the interventist would

ask Marshall to say his goodbyes to them at the coat

rack, before leaving the classroom

and that they would gradually say goodbye

closer and closer to the door.

This worked for me, so it was the plan.

The next day, Marshall said goodbye to his teacher without

a fight at the coat rack, and then when he

comes out of the door and sees me, it's

only happiness :D

I still encourage him to say goodbye again to his teacher,

as that is the long term goal,

and often he does very naturally and with a smile.

Reflecting on it now,

i'm sure that Marshall just knowing that he was going

to be forced to say goodbye at the door,

started fighting it before we even started to prompt him.

It's been about a week or so and the new plan working well :)

Now, another issue that was

arising, possibly due to the harshness of the goodbye

at the door with his teachers, Marshall has been

requesting extra hugs and kisses from me when i am

leaving him at school.

It's not that he doesn't want me to leave, he loves school

and his teachers are awesome.

I have no doubts in their methods when i'm not there,

and daily i am getting reports of Marshall having a

great day :)

I recommend this program to everyone i come into contact with!

Slight sidetrack, but i don't want you to think

that i have doubts about Marshall being in their care.

I am happy that any issues that do arise are

being talked about and that i am included

in every conversation

to ensure that Marshall moves in the right direction :)

Back to my story...

We have always had one embrace goodbye

and then Marshall excitedly waves and says goodbye to

me as i walk out the door.

For whatever reason,

about a month or so ago, Marshall has started

calling out "hug!" and running after me as i walk out the door.

As a parent, how can you deny that?!!

So i'd give him his extra request for love before i'd leave.

His teachers had not been saying that this wasn't

something that i should be doing, so it became the new

routine for Marshall.

But, after a few weeks of doing this, i guess Marshall was

becoming upset after i'd leave and was saying that he

wanted "mommy - hug" and sometimes even getting

upset about it. So now it was a problem.

So Janel talked to me in the same conversation

about how Marshall and i can have as many hugs and kisses

as we need for one embrace, or rather, in one spot,

but that once i got up to walk out the door,

that we would break the cycle of M coming for more hugs.

I joked about how they were asking me to deprive my son

of love! lol. But i understand and accept that it

was affecting his play and learning for a period

of time after i leave, and that it needed to stop.

Janel stated that i should continue to walk

out the door when Marshall requests,

which i did, and M understood very quickly

and adjusted well to this.

Marshall's teacher would state,

"Mommy will come back for more hugs and kisses later"

and that was always nice to hear them say

as i turn my back on my son, it made it easier for

those couple of days.

After just a few times of following through with walking away,

i am now able to look back and wave and shout i love yous

back to Marshall without him running after me,

which is what we were doing before the extra hugs

started.

So, with a little adjusting to Marshall's routine,

we have given M more opportunities to succeed,

which makes me happy,

and Marshall is happier knowing what is expected of him too :)

On a different topic...

During my conversation with Janel that day,

she said to me,

"I understand you have a blog about Marshall?"

This threw me off as i haven't told any of the staff

about this blog! I responded with, "Yes, how do you

know that?" and all Janel said was that

she has her sources, as she laughed.

Then Janel proceeded to ask me if it would be ok

if she sent the link to my blog to a family in the

program who was struggling with the Autism diagnosis of their child.

Wow. I felt quite honored and humbled.

I told her that of course, this blog is for anyone who

wants to come along in our journey, and

that she could pass it on to anyone who might benefit

from reading it.

Thinking about this afterwards, it really made me happy.

It is in large part due to my Faith that i have a

positive spin (for the most part) on this whole Autism thing,

and how cool is it that my story, Marshall's story,

is being used as inspiration to others who are struggling.

Pretty cool.

I will state one thing that we are also working on with

Marshall a lot right now, and that is his impulse to

call everyone Mommy.

If i stop Marshall and ask him who he is looking at,

or trying to talk to,

he knows and will call most by name.

But "Mommy" has become the his words for,

look at me, i need your attention, whoever you are!

It's not uncommon for kids to do this,

and after all, M has only been calling me Mommy

for about 6 months now.

He'll figure it out soon enough, that he needs to

focus more on who he is talking to.

It's so crazy how stinking hard Marshall has to work

on every little thing just to be 'normal'.

It's exhausting for me to think about sometimes,

and i can't imagine how hard it must be

on his brain all the time.

We love you Buddy and are so proud of how

far you've come in just 6 months!!

What an incredible journey we are on.

Marshall had his last day of 2011 at NSAP

yesterday. In the New Year

there will be a few changes.

Janel has added another time slot to benefit

those in full day Kindergarden, so there is

now a 3-5pm time slot.

It seems like an incredibly long day to have your

5 year old in school all day and then 2 extra

hours at NS each day.

But it's a great program, and when our time comes,

we will probably do it too.

Right now, the parents whose children are in Kindergarden

take their kids out at lunch time and bring them to the

afternoon class from 1-3pm.

We'll see how the next couple of years pan out

to know what will be best for Marshall.

Due to this new time slot, they have adjusted

Marshall's class by 15 minutes.

This affects us greatly because right now, i pick

M's sister up early on the days she has school

in order to get Marshall on time.

This 15 minutes puts me in a position of needing to

switch the pickup order.

I have avoided bringing M to ACS when he doesn't

have preschool as the meltdowns are more than

i can physically handle.

But now, every time i have to pick D up from school,

I'll have Marshall with me... so that will

be an adventure all in it's own. :S

But, a routine he will hopefully accept quickly!

Another change they are doing at NSAP in the New Year is that

instead of having the same interventionist,

(Marshall has 2 but most kids have the same one

daily), Janel wants to try rotating the interventionists

so each day, Marshall will have a different one.

There are pros and cons to this structure,

but i think Marshall will do just fine.

We shall see!