Reflecting 2011

I wanted to do a more detailed post about Christmas and

all of the family gatherings we attended,

but we are now almost mid January

and i am over it. lol.

All in all, Marshall did SO well.

We had several family gatherings in unfamiliar places

with tons of people and Marshall did great.

I was blessed in December

by an annonymous giver from my church

who was moved by what i shared with my church

in my Thanksgiving post.

2 gift cards:

one for PC and the other for the

Wild Orange Spa.

I am looking forward to spoiling myself with a

professional massage... although i'm kinda scared

as i've never had one, but mostly excited!

The support and love i have felt, we have felt as a family

over this past year has really blown us away.

What a crazy year 2011 has been.

A rollercoaster.

Going from not knowing why M was struggling,

to getting the diagnosis of Autism,

to daily intervention and therapy,

to seeing the best come out in my son.

To being proud of who he is and

of how much he has grown.

To stand tall with my head held high

as i see his motivation and determination to not let

this thing we call Autism, hold him back.

He will do amazing things in his life....

i mean, he's already transformed mine!

Life is much more day to day for me now.

I've always thought that it was my purpose to be a Mom,

to raise, guide, teach and love my kids

and to show them what it means to live in Christ.

I never thought it was my purpose to

face the challenges of a child with special needs.

But God gave it to me,

He entrusted me with it...

He believes in me.

That's pretty cool, and i'm honored actually.

It's always been said that it takes someone

special to work with anyone with special needs,

well, that's me now, i'm special :)

I married a man who already had a daughter,

and 10 years ago i thought that although

it was not an ideal situation to get invovled in,

that God had purpose there.

I believed that He felt i was strong enough,

had faith enough, to be a stepmother...

to be a loving, stable person in this childs life,

to show her God's love.

I thought that this was going to be my challenge in life.

When Marshall was 3 months old,

his sister D who was not quite 2 years old

had a couple of seizures

that landed us in the Children's hospital

for 4 days in isolation with many tests...

that all came back with no results.

I wondered at that time,

what D's future was going to look like?

Were seizures going to stick with her and effect every part

of her life? I prayed that it wouldn't...

but i knew that God had a plan that was purposeful,

and i still trust that.

Last Spring we tried to wean D off her medication

and her seizures appeared again :(

We are so thankful that the small dose that she is

currently taking is enough to keep the seizures

under control.

But we now know that she does have Epilepsy.

There's still a chance that she will grow out of it,

but who knows.

Two months after finding out that D definitely has Epilepsy,

we got the diagnosis of Autism for Marshall.

It's a lot to take in, right?

Well, it felt like a lot...

and there were also some extremely stressful things

going on with my stepdaughter and her mother

at that time as well.

I have always believed that

God won't give you more than you can handle.

Well, honestly, i had a lot of doubt in this

promise in dealing with so many things at the same time...

and they were all BIG things.

I remember just laughing and saying this promise to my

family each and every time something else would

make it's way onto my plate.

All of these circumstances

made all of the other stresses that i'd complained

about, felt burdened down with at times in my

life feel like peanuts.

I was almost shameful of how much i had complained in my

heart in years past.

Before my husband, i dated a guy for 4 years

through highschool.

I thought it was love, meant to be.

But when it ended and i thought back to it,

i thought it wasn't fair to say that i thought i loved him

and that he was 'the one' but now i didn't love him anymore

Rather, i like to say that

I loved him as much as i knew love to be

at that time in my life.

It wasn't until i met my now husband,

that this came to me.

And it was only because Danny showed me a love

and a relationship surrounding communication

that i fully understood what love is.

I can use this thought to relate to my faith and

to what it truely means to trust the Lord.

I thought i'd been doing this my whole life...

until it all crumbled down around me

and all i really had left was faith.

Life gets really simple when you stop thinking

and trying to plan and shape your future. lol.

I am happy to say that through all of this,

although there were some very low points for me,

majority of the time i held my head high and i held on to

God more than i ever have.

When you are that broken down,

what else do you have but faith and trust in the God who

has carried you to this point?

Giving up or turning from Him was not an option for me.

God is too instilled in me and i'm too smart for that ;)

Leading up to Christmas, a lot of the heavy issues

surrounding my stepdaughter and her mother came to rest.

D is back on her medication and doing awesome in every way.

Marshall is a very busy 3.5 year old, but he is thriving

and i am constantly referring back to 6 months

ago when Marshall was so hard to handle.

I cannot believe how far he's come in such a short

amount of time... it gives me such peace that

he will be ok.

As i just typed that last sentence, it struck me that

i have never thought like this with

my daughters.

My hopes and dreams for them far exceed 'ok'.

With Marshall, i just can't see his future yet.

For him, ok is wonderful...

for now anyways.

I am at peace with knowing this.

In my reflecting, i have thought to my future,

and to how i can see myself sharing

2011 with others, how

"it was the hardest year of my life".

But i have to stop myself from thinking that,

because although it feels like the only place we can

go is up from here, that may not be God's plan

for us!!! Perhaps things are going to get harder...

oh Dear God, please not!!! lol.

Anyways, life will continue to move forward

in 2012 and i am excited to take on the

challenges that God presents

and to rejoice in the times where we realize,

time and time again,

just how truely blessed we are,

how blessed I am.

Happy New Year! or rather,

Blessed New Year :)