Christmas Performances

This was Marshall's first year being a part of Christmas

performances, and he was a part of two!

On the last day of preschool,

Marshall's class had a party where the parents

were invited.

My husband took the day off as both of

the little kids had Christmas performaces during school hours

and on the same day, so it worked out well.

The kids had been practicing Christmas songs

for weeks, but of course, Marshall

does not have the language to tell

me about anything he does at school.

I pick up on some things based on the crafts he brings

home, or Mary his aide will inform me.

Marshall did give me a little taste of

his singing when i brought home

a hair elastic with bells on it for his sister to wear.

He started shaking the bells and belting out,

"Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle all the way!

Oh... fun.... ....... sleigh, HEY!!!"

LOL.

I was shrieking with excitment when he first did this!

It was so cool to hear,

and also, i've never heard him string that many

words together!

(We phoned several family members so he could sing it to them!

He is really into talking on the phone lately :))

I mentioned to Marshall's teacher Mrs. K that M

had sung some of Jingle Bells at home and

she had stated that "if he sings half as loud

during the performance as he does in practice,

it will be awesome!"

Well, the day of the performance came

and Marshall participated in everything...

but he kept pretty silent through it.

He did all of the actions and

seemed to really enjoy it all,

and he did shout out "HEY!" with his arm raised

during the appropriate time during Jingle Bells :)

After the singing time,

there were crafts set up at a few tables

which Marshall enjoyed as well.

After coffee/juice and some snacks,

the parents were free to leave.

Danny and I were talking with a couple of the parents

as well as the teachers and were the last

ones to leave.

One of the teachers commented on how well Marshall did

how very often, the families with

Special Needs kids are the first to leave

as these situations can be overwhelming for the child...

and look at us, the last ones to leave :D

Marshall had a great time as did we.

One of the Moms approached me at the craft table

and said that her daughter talks about Marshall often.

This made me happy.

Another time this morning, Miss Mary pointed out

this same little girl and said that the two

often play really well together. Awww.

Making friends is often difficult for children with Autism,

and look at Marshall, making a friend.

So sweet.

The second Christmas performance Marshall was to be involved

in is the one that we do at our church.

They have been practicing Sunday mornings since

October. There were a lot of songs for the kids to learn,

and then acting parts in between each song that

were done by some of the older kids.

I took Marshall into the practice area

several times, and he would scream and run out as soon

as we'd set foot in the room.

I wasn't going to force it as who knows what the heck

he would do on stage anyways.

Then we had our turn with the cd at home

a few weeks ago so his sister

could practice the songs.

By the end of the week, Marshall was really into a few of the

songs. He was dancing and doing some of the actions

as well as singing a little bit!!

So, the following Sunday, i took him into practice again

and he walked right up to the group of kids

and found his spot!

I sat in during the practice and M was actually participating

for one of the songs where there are a lot of

actions. After that song he was done and

came over to me and we left the practice.

The following Sunday my parents took the kids to church

and my sister told me that M stayed in the practice the whole

time! Ok, so what will he do during the real deal??

The Sunday before the Christmas play

they had a rehersal on the stage.

I decided to take Marshall to this to better gauge

whether or not he could be on the stage

during the live performance.

Ideally i would love to see him up there of course,

but if he was creating problems or being too

distracting, i felt i needed to respect everybody else involved

and pull him out.

Well, Marshall was eager and went on the stage

with the other kids. He kinda participated

doing some of the actions,

but he often just stood there or turned around,

or looked up at the spot lights squinting and what not.

During the times when the kids sit down

was where most of the problems arose

as Marshall could not keep quiet.

He kept talking and jammering and we were

constantly shushing him.

Near the end of the play, the kids all move to the back

of the stage so that one of the children can do back

flips and hand springs and such.

Well, Marshall thought this was a cool idea,

so when he saw her doing it,

he got on the floor in the middle of the stage and started

doing his own gymnastic routine! lol.

It was pretty funny, and i thought the audience

might enjoy it, but really, it was a big hazard

to have M up there with her doing her tricks...

and the Director didn't seem to fond of the

idea of having M rolling around on the stage. lol.

I tried to get him to stay in line with the kids but that concept

was lost on him.

SOOOO....

after practice i decided that i would not put him on stage at all.

He was too loud during the speaking parts

which would really take from the story.

But now that i'd allowed him to go on the stage with the kids

for rehearsal, was he going to sit nicely in the

audience and just observe Sunday morning? Hmmm... doubtful,

but i thought we'd just have to try it and see.

I talked to a few family members as well as some church

friends about how i was going to keep M from

being a part of the play.

Everyone said to me that they wanted to see Marshall up

there and that i should put him up there.

I wanted to, but i didn't want him to ruin it.

Dilemma.

Church started and during the Directors intro,

Marshall had to go pee.

So i took him out of church to the washroom

which i thought might actually work out well as Marshall

would not see all of the kids enter the stage and be

screaming that he'd want to go too.

We came out of the washroom and the kids were singing

on stage. As we walked down the stairs

towards the front of the chapel where we were sitting,

Marshall kept looking at me saying, "sing".

Yikes, well, lets try to sit down.

I guided him into our row of seats and he didn't want to

sit down... he kept pointing to the stage saying SING!

I said "no no" a few times and he came to me.

Then the kids moved onto the next song,

Marshall's favourite song with all the dancing in it.

Marshall was asking and asking to sing

and i looked over at my husband and asked if i should let him

go up there and he shrugged.

So i let him out of the row and he very slowly crept up to

the stage. He ran across the front of it to the stairs on

the other side. I waited to see what exactly he

was going to do.

Well, he walked up the stairs and across the stage to where

the kids were dancing... i knew the WHOLE chuch had

their eyes on my son. I sat in my seat waiting

for what was to come too!

Marshall paused in his spot on the stage

and the broke into the dance routine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was HILARIOUS!!!!!

The whole church was laughing and Marshall was

having a blast up there smiling and dancing away.

My husband and I were laughing as well.

Goodness Marshall, you are not shy!!

Tears were running down my face i was laughing so hard...

and then as the laughter calmed down i was confused

at how many tears i was having to wipe away still,

and the i realized,

i'm crying.

There were a lot of emotions flowing through me

and i was just so proud of my little guy up there

just being himself with the love of our church

behind him.

The title of the play is called The Christmas Star,

and Marshall was definitely a Star :)

If you are facebook friends with me, you can

go to my wall and watch the 2 minute video my

brother in law took of Marshall's moment of fame!

I've watched it at least 20 times already. lol.

Marshall sat down with the kids when the song was over

and as the audience clapped (mostly for M i'm sure),

Marshall clapped happily as well.

It was a pretty amazing moment for Marshall,

one i'll never forget.

I couldn't believe it, but when all the kids sat down

during the acting parts, M did too, and he was actually quiet!!

I came down to the front so i could grab him if i needed

to, but he did pretty good for a while.

There was a handheld mike that needed to be used by

the girl standing beside Marshall for an upcoming solo.

The director, not really thinking about it,

laid the microphone down in the garland on the stage

right near this girl... and Marshall.

Well, Marshall stopped singing and moving and he went into

a total zone.... he did not take his eyes off of the mike!! lol.

The laughter in the audience as we all waiting in anticipation,

was contaigeous. It was a growing laughter which

is the best kind in my opinion.

I sat on edge, waiting at any moment to jump up and grab

him... but he just stood there staring. lol.

Then he got distracted and the director handed the mike

to the little girl without M noticing.

But then shortly after, he saw that the mike was now in her

hands. He turned his body toward

her and just stared at that mike in her hands.

Everyone was laughing.

I just laughed and watched him.

He reached out once for it but retracted. lol.

Then, of course right when she was supposed to start her solo,

Marshall reached for it, grabbed it, and attempted to

pull it away from her! oh no!!

I jumped up and grabbed it from him and gave it back to her

and then pulled Marshall off the stage.

I felt terrible, i still feel terrible.

The little girl missed her cue and ended up coming in late

for her solo :(

The mike was not turned on so it made me feel a bit better

knowing that the solo wouldn't have been heard either way,

but still.

I went over to her parents right after the program was over

and apologized and they brushed it off saying that it was

totally fine. But i'm sure they were just being nice.

*sigh, what can you do?

I kept Marshall off of the stage after that,

although he really fought me to get on there during the

gymnastic routine. lol.

After church was over, i think every little group gathered

throughout the church had Marshall

as the topic of conversation. Pretty cool.

Many people approached me to say how happy they were

to see M on the stage and how sweet and

memorable he made this Christmas.

A great memory for sure.

Marshall, you are our STAR!!

I will post more about Christmas events we took part

in this year, but most likely after Christmas is over.

So i'd like to wish you and your family a very

MERRY CHRISTMAS

from our home to yours.

Blessing to you all!

Hellos and Goodbyes at NSAP

In my last meeting with NS,

a couple of months ago,

Marshall's goodbyes were right on track and we had listed

that we needed to work on getting Marshall

to say an appropriate "hi" to his interventionist upon arrival

of school.

They have been doing this by coming right up to him

at the door frame and repeatedly saying hi to M

right down at his level until he looks at them

and then greets them with some type of hello,

before he could enter the room.

Marshall is a quick learner,

so after a couple of days of this routine,

M would actually wait at the door when they

would forget to purposefully greet him,

until one of them looked over and then he'd say

his hello and enter the room.

It seemed he'd mastered this.

The past week or so, he isn't saying hello anymore

and they aren't enforcing it...

perhaps just simply because we thought it was mastered,

i'm sure it will come up in conversation in the New Year.

Marshall walks into the classroom now and

become absorbed by his surroundings...

actually, i think this all started when they put their

Christmas tree up.

Marshall loves Christmas trees, and he says it

pretty clear to.

There's so much to look at and of course, all of the pretty

lights... at school, he flocks in that direction each time.

What has become an issue at NSAP

(Next Step Autism Program)

are Marshall's goodbyes.

At the end of Marshall's day his interventionist

will help him get his jacket and backpack on,

and the parents wait in the hallway for

the kids to come out.

The classroom is right near the outside door.

So what was happening was that if i was there

early and Marshall came out of the classroom,

he'd call out "Mommy!" and come over to me for

a big hug. I'd greet him and then talk to his

interventionist about how his day was.

Marshall would be eager to go outside and to the car,

so he'd run over to the door and wait impatiently for me

to finish talking.

Since August when Marshall

started this program, we'd been asking M to say goodbye

to his teacher shortly after saying hello to me.

Sometimes he would say it easily, and other times

we'd really have to prompt him to do so.

There are times when i am not early and Marshall

comes out into the hallway and waits for me.

Then when i enter he runs to the door for me

and then i try to get him to say goodbye.

Well, for whatever reason, Marshall was being

incredibly stubborn about saying goodbye

to his teachers the past month or so.

Also, because there was no goodbye plan really in place,

both Carla and Miranda were dealing with goodbyes

differently, which obviously would be

confusing for Marshall.

Carla took more of an aggressive role and was more

adament that Marshall say goodbye properly than

Miranda who would try but would accept an attempt

rather than wait for a full on eye contact goodbye with words.

I was becoming frustrated with goodbyes and there

were many times where i would somewhat restrain

Marshall in order to force him to acknowledge his

teacher with a goodbye.

Now, I don't mind restraining my son with my hands,

as you already know...

there are times where it is for his own benefit to calm him down

and to realize that one thing needs to happen before the

next thing can happen, such as him putting on his

shoes and jacket before he sees the fish at preschool.

I only had to do it a few times for him to realize that

he needs to follow my routine and not his own.

Back to NS and goodbyes...

A couple of weeks ago, i was a minute or so late to

pick Marshall up.

I walked across the parking lot to the glass doors

only to see Carla with both hands on Marshall,

restraining him in the corner by the door

trying to get him to say goodbye to her.

Marshall had seen me through the glass and was

screaming for me.

I didn't like it, not one bit.

The whole scenario was upsetting to me.

Once i opened the door,

i didn't know what to do.

There had been a few times kind of like this already,

where i wasn't sure if they wanted me to make M

say goodbye, or if they wanted him to acknowledge their

prompting. So in this scenario, when it started

before i even got there, it kinda pissed me off to be honest.

It was upsetting to me.

I got down to Marshall's level and let Carla continue to

restrain him, not sure if i should take over like i

wanted to, or to stand back watching my son

reach out for me, calling to me, and just stare back at him.

Well, in that chaotic moment, i just went along

with Carla and told Marshall (begged him with my eyes)

to just say goodbye to Carla.

Eventually Marshall did say goodbye and then bolted

into my arms crying.

That was hard... for both of us.

Now, i don't want to make Carla out to be some kind of bully

or meany or whatever... she's not.

Even in her restraint, she continued to smile

at Marshall in her prompting and her voice was not

super stern or anything like that.

They have many kids in their program who are all

different. In talking with Miranda i realize that not

only are the kids each individuals in their common label

of Autism, but each parent is different as well.

This scenario of goodbyes wasn't pleasant for me,

and i wasn't sure what i wanted to change at first,

but it was the first time that i really questioned

their methods... but in all fairness,

there was no plan in place for this scenario.

I came home that night and talked to my husband about

it and i had already decided that the next day

i was going to bring this topic up.

I do understand that Marshall

needs to learn to say appropriate goodbyes when

leaving, i don't fight that.

But i would prefer it if I was the one to make him do it,

if I was the one to hold onto him and force it.

So the next day i took Marshall to school

and he had Miranda that day, so we chatted for a bit.

Ironically, both Miranda and Carla had already

talked about the goodbye situation and

she started to talk to me about it first.

I told her that i was just going to mention that i wanted

there to be consistancy so we were all on

the same page.

I then explained to Miranda that i was uncomfortable

with the way Carla was in Marshall's face

while restraining him for a goodbye, and how

from now on i'd prefer it if i took the reigns and controlled

that scenario.

Miranda stated that it is always great to talk with the

parents as each parent is different.

She said that many parents in this situation would

want the interventionist to be firm with their

child. Well, i guess i'm not like most... and i'm ok with that.

I left that conversation feeling good.

Miranda acknowleged my request and said she

would pass it onto Carla and did not state that me taking

over was of any concern to Marshall's well being

or anything like that.

That day, Janel (she runs the NSAP and is also a BI)

was seeing Marshall for a review.

When i came to pick Marshall up she wanted to chat.

She had talked to Miranda

and she had some thoughts of her own on the goodbyes.

She's the boss there and i do value her thoughts

and opinions.

She told me that she understood that i was upset with

the way the goodbyes were being handled.

She asked me,

"Are you going to be there Marshall's whole life to make

him say goodbye?"

I stated that no, i wouldn't, but that no one else would

ever get in Marshall's face and restrain him until he

said goodbye either,

and i felt that that was just as valid of a point.

I said that only in this program will M have forced

goodbyes, so i thought that my scenario

of me controlling it would serve a better purpose

across the board for Marshall right now.

Janel didn't really argue my point.

She understood that there is a lot of chaos at the door

and that Marshall is always very eager to see me,

so her new plan was that the interventist would

ask Marshall to say his goodbyes to them at the coat

rack, before leaving the classroom

and that they would gradually say goodbye

closer and closer to the door.

This worked for me, so it was the plan.

The next day, Marshall said goodbye to his teacher without

a fight at the coat rack, and then when he

comes out of the door and sees me, it's

only happiness :D

I still encourage him to say goodbye again to his teacher,

as that is the long term goal,

and often he does very naturally and with a smile.

Reflecting on it now,

i'm sure that Marshall just knowing that he was going

to be forced to say goodbye at the door,

started fighting it before we even started to prompt him.

It's been about a week or so and the new plan working well :)

Now, another issue that was

arising, possibly due to the harshness of the goodbye

at the door with his teachers, Marshall has been

requesting extra hugs and kisses from me when i am

leaving him at school.

It's not that he doesn't want me to leave, he loves school

and his teachers are awesome.

I have no doubts in their methods when i'm not there,

and daily i am getting reports of Marshall having a

great day :)

I recommend this program to everyone i come into contact with!

Slight sidetrack, but i don't want you to think

that i have doubts about Marshall being in their care.

I am happy that any issues that do arise are

being talked about and that i am included

in every conversation

to ensure that Marshall moves in the right direction :)

Back to my story...

We have always had one embrace goodbye

and then Marshall excitedly waves and says goodbye to

me as i walk out the door.

For whatever reason,

about a month or so ago, Marshall has started

calling out "hug!" and running after me as i walk out the door.

As a parent, how can you deny that?!!

So i'd give him his extra request for love before i'd leave.

His teachers had not been saying that this wasn't

something that i should be doing, so it became the new

routine for Marshall.

But, after a few weeks of doing this, i guess Marshall was

becoming upset after i'd leave and was saying that he

wanted "mommy - hug" and sometimes even getting

upset about it. So now it was a problem.

So Janel talked to me in the same conversation

about how Marshall and i can have as many hugs and kisses

as we need for one embrace, or rather, in one spot,

but that once i got up to walk out the door,

that we would break the cycle of M coming for more hugs.

I joked about how they were asking me to deprive my son

of love! lol. But i understand and accept that it

was affecting his play and learning for a period

of time after i leave, and that it needed to stop.

Janel stated that i should continue to walk

out the door when Marshall requests,

which i did, and M understood very quickly

and adjusted well to this.

Marshall's teacher would state,

"Mommy will come back for more hugs and kisses later"

and that was always nice to hear them say

as i turn my back on my son, it made it easier for

those couple of days.

After just a few times of following through with walking away,

i am now able to look back and wave and shout i love yous

back to Marshall without him running after me,

which is what we were doing before the extra hugs

started.

So, with a little adjusting to Marshall's routine,

we have given M more opportunities to succeed,

which makes me happy,

and Marshall is happier knowing what is expected of him too :)

On a different topic...

During my conversation with Janel that day,

she said to me,

"I understand you have a blog about Marshall?"

This threw me off as i haven't told any of the staff

about this blog! I responded with, "Yes, how do you

know that?" and all Janel said was that

she has her sources, as she laughed.

Then Janel proceeded to ask me if it would be ok

if she sent the link to my blog to a family in the

program who was struggling with the Autism diagnosis of their child.

Wow. I felt quite honored and humbled.

I told her that of course, this blog is for anyone who

wants to come along in our journey, and

that she could pass it on to anyone who might benefit

from reading it.

Thinking about this afterwards, it really made me happy.

It is in large part due to my Faith that i have a

positive spin (for the most part) on this whole Autism thing,

and how cool is it that my story, Marshall's story,

is being used as inspiration to others who are struggling.

Pretty cool.

I will state one thing that we are also working on with

Marshall a lot right now, and that is his impulse to

call everyone Mommy.

If i stop Marshall and ask him who he is looking at,

or trying to talk to,

he knows and will call most by name.

But "Mommy" has become the his words for,

look at me, i need your attention, whoever you are!

It's not uncommon for kids to do this,

and after all, M has only been calling me Mommy

for about 6 months now.

He'll figure it out soon enough, that he needs to

focus more on who he is talking to.

It's so crazy how stinking hard Marshall has to work

on every little thing just to be 'normal'.

It's exhausting for me to think about sometimes,

and i can't imagine how hard it must be

on his brain all the time.

We love you Buddy and are so proud of how

far you've come in just 6 months!!

What an incredible journey we are on.

Marshall had his last day of 2011 at NSAP

yesterday. In the New Year

there will be a few changes.

Janel has added another time slot to benefit

those in full day Kindergarden, so there is

now a 3-5pm time slot.

It seems like an incredibly long day to have your

5 year old in school all day and then 2 extra

hours at NS each day.

But it's a great program, and when our time comes,

we will probably do it too.

Right now, the parents whose children are in Kindergarden

take their kids out at lunch time and bring them to the

afternoon class from 1-3pm.

We'll see how the next couple of years pan out

to know what will be best for Marshall.

Due to this new time slot, they have adjusted

Marshall's class by 15 minutes.

This affects us greatly because right now, i pick

M's sister up early on the days she has school

in order to get Marshall on time.

This 15 minutes puts me in a position of needing to

switch the pickup order.

I have avoided bringing M to ACS when he doesn't

have preschool as the meltdowns are more than

i can physically handle.

But now, every time i have to pick D up from school,

I'll have Marshall with me... so that will

be an adventure all in it's own. :S

But, a routine he will hopefully accept quickly!

Another change they are doing at NSAP in the New Year is that

instead of having the same interventionist,

(Marshall has 2 but most kids have the same one

daily), Janel wants to try rotating the interventionists

so each day, Marshall will have a different one.

There are pros and cons to this structure,

but i think Marshall will do just fine.

We shall see!

Small Victories

Perhaps you could call me lazy,

or exhausted, i dunno.

Maybe the change to Fall and the depressing weather

that comes along with it played a part,

I'm not entirely sure.

In October, Marshall's behaviour and his yelling

seemed to be escalading.

Reflecting back on it now, i know that i was giving in

to this behaviour, giving him whatever

he wanted to stop the yelling.

I was also asking others to do the same,

specifically, his sister D.

Kids are smart, Marshall included.

If they cry/scream to get what they want just once, and you cave,

you're pretty much screwed for the future. lol.

I put down my armour and i gave up the battle.

And in doing so, Marshall's screaming became

more constant, more adament, and i found

myself just doing anything to keep him quiet.

I was semi-aware of this terrible pattern i was creating,

but my energy and efforts to change it were lost.

I'd tell myself that tomorrow i'd put an end to this,

to show Marshall that i'm still in charge here.

But then tomorrow would come with the

same battles, and i would half try, and then ultimitely,

i'd cave.

Then about mid-October, i started to notice a change in

Marshall's sister D.

She was becoming more whiney, about everything,

and crying easily.

She would come home from school and tell me that she

had cried at school and how her teacher had comforted her

and made her feel better.

Hmmm...

It got me thinking a bit.

Then one day when i picked D up from school,

her teacher asked me about D's tears,

and if i was seeing them at home as well.

I stated that yes, i had been.

The teacher talked to me about the pattern of the crying at

school. How D would fall outside during recess

and that she was barely hurt but would continue to cry.

The teacher had been comforting D,

but lately it appeared as though D was doing this

purely for attention.

Mrs. H and i talked about Marshall, about how it is not uncommon

for other children in the home to feel unheard and lack attention

when there is a child with special needs.

It's true.

Marshall's needs just come first most of the time.

We talked about how

we needed D's unwarrented tears to stop.

It was a big wake up call for me.

Don't you just love those? Wake up calls, that is.

Moments when you realize that you suck at being a parent. lol.

I was feeling very convicted...

already at home a bit, but now even more so since it

was obvious that this was affecting sweet D in all areas of her life. :(

Ok, so i chose not to sulk and crap on myself,

but rather, used this information to set up a game plan.

Enough was enough.

Things had to change.

I needed to get my shit together...

for myself, but also for the benefit of my family.

I changed my mind set,

i got my confidence back, my energy to 'fight' back,

and i put back on my armour :)

Story time.

I bought Marshall a new hoodie at the beginning of October.

It is grey with a simple picture on the front, pretty plain.

No zipper or buttons, it needed to go over his head.

Marshall has always been easy with his clothing

and will wear whatever i pull out for him.

But for some strange reason,

he would not wear this grey hoodie.

The first time i tried to put it on him,

he started screaming and yelling "NO!"

I was so put off by this that i just said "ok, ok, off!"

Then the next day i tried to show it to him

and again, screaming.

I didn't quite understand what the problem was.

He has worn his blue pullover hoodie for a year

already (randomly) without a fight,

but it's now too small.

He wears an assortment of jackets,

it's not like he only wears one and now i'm changing it up.

So i waited a few days and then i tried again. Fail.

Then i waited like a week.

This time, i didn't show it to him first.

He stood there and watched as Devyn put her hoodie on first.

The plan was to put on hoodies, socks and shoes, and

to go play in the backyard.

I bunched up the hoodie and he let me put it over his head.

But he very soon realized the hoodie that was

being put on him and he freaked out.

I kept saying "it's ok Marshall, put it on".

He starting grabbing the hoodie and was trying to rip

it off as i kept trying to put it on him,

all the while he was screaming his lungs out at me.

It was crazy!

Now he's thrown himself on the ground in a full out meltdown.

And i am laughing inside at his stubborness.

Seriously.

This was not a battle Marshall was going to win.

He refused to put it on.

So i got D ready and let her go out the slider

and into the backyard.

I held Marshall back and repeatedly told him,

"You put on your sweater, then you can go outside."

He got mad. Then he got really mad.

He threw himself into my arms and he cried.

I comforted him and kept telling him it was ok,

but he had to put on his sweater, sock and shoes,

and then he could go outside.

We sat on the kitchen floor cuddling for about 5

minutes while Marshall kept saying "outside"

and i kept calmly telling him

"Sweater. Socks. Shoes. then Outside."

I was not going to cave.

In this situation, i really looked at Marshall and his

refusal to wear this sweatshirt as typical behaviour.

I weighed everything first to make sure

that i was confident that this sweater was not a sensory

thing. Kids with Autism often are drawn to specific

fabrics, however, Marshall has only ever shown

more interest in slinky fabric like a jersey,

but he will wear anything happily.

If the hoodie was a bold color or pattern,

i might think that it was overstimulating for him,

but he rarely shows signs of having issues

with overstimulation, and this sweater is boring old grey,

so no problem there.

Basically, i decided, that there was no reason for him

not to wear this hoodie except for pure stubborness.

So we sat on the floor together.

Then after about 5-10 minutes,

Marshall stood up and started wiping his tears away with

his hands, then he said "happy".

I laughed and said "are you deciding to be happy now?"

I helped him wipe his tears.

Then he reached down and picked up the hoodie

and gave it to me to put on him.

Just like that.

The battle had been fought and won,

and Marshall was ok with that.

And i was thrilled with that!!!

It is amazing how much confidence

filled my being when he handed me that hoodie.

He helped with his arms and we got it on.

He let me put on his socks and shoes,

and out he went to play with his sister. Happy.

And i patted myself on the back.

A small victory that will set the way for the future

situations. It felt good.

When the kids were done outside, Marshall came inside

and actually chose to keep the hoodie on until

bath time later that evening.

And now, a month later,

he will randomly make a face and a little sound

of protest when i have picked the hoodie out

for him to wear, but i tell him to put it on

and he just does it.

And more often than not, he just puts it on without

any protest at all :)

This milestone day (for me) happened on a Saturday.

For some reason,

well, probably because he was running the house at home

and that spread into his school life,

he would not put on his jacket and change his shoes

when preschool was over.

All he cared about was running to the front doors of the school

to see the "pish", or rather, fish :)

This had become a struggle for a couple of weeks.

He was doing it perfectly for all of September,

but then something changed and he wouldn't anymore.

Marshall's aide even made a sequence of pictures

to show Marshall to try and get him to put on his

jacket and shoes first, but Marshall just became

angry at the sight of the pictures.

He'd come out of preschool when i arrived

and he was mad.

He'd scream and plow through all the kids

to run to the fish tank.

I had debated physically holding him back,

but Mary wanted to try the pictures

for a while.

Well, they weren't working.

And after our little battle on the weekend

and my confidence returned,

i decided to take on the fight!

When Marshall came out of his classroom after

preschool, i tackled him. lol.

I held him tight as we went to his coat and

i repeatedly said to him,

"Jacket, shoes, then fish"

He just kept saying, "pish! pish!"

Everybody else didn't matter this day.

After the picture day fiasco and my breakdown afterwards,

anything having to do with crowds has been

so intimdating to me.

But i am over that now.

Being a parent is about doing what's best for the child,

even if you have to look like a psyco to get there! lol.

I calmly sat on the floor while Marshall tried to

break free as he was screaming and crying.

Mary came over to try and calm him

but he was mad.

He ended up head butting me in the mouth

(not the first time he's done that),

and he even kicked my glasses off my face.

Lovely eh?! lol.

I sat there restraining him for quite a while,

about 10 minutes or so.

All the other kids and parents had gone.

I felt kinda bad about all of Marshall's screaming as

there are several other classrooms nearby.

But for me it was a make or break thing.

I knew that if i did anything but follow through,

i'd have 10 times the battle next time.

So there we sat, well, Marshall layed.

I told Mary to leave after the first few minutes,

that i'd be ok with him.

I knew i just had to wait it out...

that Marshall would understand that he was not

getting his way this time, or anytime soon.

There was a new boss in town, and her name is MOM!

So after our 10-15 mintues on the floor,

Marshall got up and put his jacket and shoes on.

Just like that.

He even put his inside shoes in the bin happily,

which i usually have to do.

Then we walked calmly to the fish tank and

enjoyed watching them together.

How wonderful is that?!

Every time since then,

Marshall comes out happy and eager to put on his

jacket and change his shoes,

and then we go see the fish :)

Actually, he returns his jacket picture to Mary and

even waits for me to sign him out of class now.

At home, i am dealing with his screaming

differently, and he is being receptive to it.

D is happier at home now too,

and i have been giving her lots of extra attention and praise,

and the teacher is seeing a happy child in her classroom

as well. PTL.

I have come out of my hiding place with Marshall now.

I have had so many horrific experiences at Walmart

or the grocery store with him.

In the past couple of weeks i have been taking him

places, places where he is 'free' and not in a

shopping cart, and he listens to me.

He stays with me.

When i say "no touching", he doesn't touch.

It. is. Awesome.

We took him to Ikea and he did amazing!!

As a family, we decided to take Marshall to his first

movie at the theatre a couple of weeks ago.

It could've gone so many ways...

and you just never know with Marshall.

But he surprised us all!

He waited in line to buy tickets and then popcorn,

patiently.

My son, has patience all of a sudden - how cool.

He stayed by Daddy's side through all of it

and followed every instruction given to him.

He loved the big screen.

We saw 'Puss in Boots'.

He sat in his chair perfectly,

ate his licorice and had some pop...

and then he fell asleep!! lol.

It was the time change the night before so he was

kind of wiped. Oh well.

He woke up before it was over and watched the rest

of the movie on my lap :)

Life around here is easier, because i stood my ground

on the things that were becoming harder.

And now, Marshall gets it.

There are less battles to fight.

My words mean something because i followed

through with my actions.

Parenting 101... right here in this blog! lol.

I should be charging for my words of gold! ;)

I have been afraid to post this,

but i can say it with confidence since it has been happening

for over two weeks now...

Marshall is pooping in the potty!!!

He tells me, and he goes.

Fully potty trained by 3.5 years old.

Can't complain about that!!!!!

No accidents, no mess, life is simpler.

Now when i leave my house with my kids,

i only need to take my wallet!!

A pretty huge milestone for my little man...

who is seeming less 'little' as each day passes.

************************

"My hope is in You Lord, ALL the day long!

I won't be shaken by drought or storm.

The peace that passes understanding is my song.

And i sing, My hope is in You alone."

~Aaron Shust

Halloween

My Mother in law takes the kids

(not Marshall- by my choice, maybe next year)

out to the pumpkin patch each year

to pick a pumpkin and to get apples for candied apples.

This year it was slim pickin's in the field so

the girls brought home one large pumpkin for

the whole family to share,

and then 5 mini ones.

Same as last year, Marshall was NOT interested

in helping to clean out the pumpkin.

"Yuck" he kept saying when i

was showing him to put his hand in and pull out the insides.

Lately, Marshall is also saying a lot of "No! Ok." lol.

His 'ok' is being said on our behalf of acknowledging

his 'no'. haha.

Instead of helping with the cleaning and carving,

we decided to give Marshall all 5 mini pumpkins

and a sharpie and let him do his thing.

He was really into this.

He took each pumpkin and drew what

he called "happy" on each one :) He had a hard time with the bumpy Cinderella

pumpkin. lol.

He was so proud of himself and even put them

on the mantel. We are a family of 5 so it was

very fitting to have these five displayed in our

livingroom over Thanksgiving :)

This year, we decided to take Marshall

trick or treating for the first time.

Last year, i considererd taking him out,

but he was still a huge flight risk,

so the stroller was the only safe option.

Then on Halloween he developed a bad cold and i thought it

was best to keep him home with Daddy.

But this year, with all this amazing progress

we've been seeing, i was confident that Marshall would

love trick or treating...

well, 80% confident. lol.

In order to go trick or treating, a costume was in order.

And not just any costume, the perfect costume.

A costume that Marshall would be excited about wearing,

that would keep him warm, that M would choose to keep on.

Well, i thought about it a month or two in advance

and was super on the ball

(unlike last year when his sisters costume was bought

on the day of).

I knew he wouldn't wear those furry animal suits that

go over your head as we tried that with an

old costume and he was not a fan.

Then it came to me... a pirate. Perfect!!

So i went to Superstore and i couldn't believe that i

actually found one, and it was in his size,

and it was only $10!! Score!

So i brought it home and showed it to him.

He got excited and was saying, "pira" "arrr". lol.

He was all eager to put on the outfit

and he went to the mirror to see right aways.

I thought i'd hit the jackpot!

Then we tried to put on the foam hat...

and the fun was over.

It wouldn't fit on his head properly and he was getting

really mad about that. Then he started

pawing at his outfit and wanting everything OFF.

I tried days later and he would run away screaming.

The costume was returned.

I was still planning to take him

trick or treating though,

costume or no costume.

Halloween afternoon we started to get ready to head out.

I thought i'd try to get Marshall to put on

a play tool belt and construction hat that

he does where at home from time to time,

but he wasn't having it.

D was Princess Ariel.

We started to put her dress on and Marshall lost it.

Screaming and pulling and getting really mad...

not because he didn't want her wearing it,

but because he wanted to wear it. lol.

He kept shouting "mine!"

Well, that wasn't an option.

I had a spare princess dress in the closet so i

showed it to Marshall and his face lit up, "on" he said.

So i gave it to him and he happily pulled it on.

Then he ran over to the toy box and

grabbed a pair of dress up heals,

and then one of D's crowns to complete the outfit.

LOL.

Now what?

Do i let him go out like that?

Look how happy he is!!

Well, he didn't want to keep the crown on cause i think

it was hurting his head,

and there's no way he could walk in those heals

on the street, so to wear just the dress with

a jacket over seemed lame.

So we took the whole outfit off

(after a picture of course ;))

and Marshall went as Marshall.

No one said a word about him not being dressed up.

We headed up to 'Ritz-Ville' which in my town

is known as Eagle Mountain...

their firehydrants look like gold. lol.

Anyways, Marshall listened wonderfully

and held Daddy's hand whenever he asked him to.

We went with my nieces so there was 4 kids in our

group. Marshall was right in there

at the front of the pack knocking and saying/yelling

"tick a tee!" at every door.

It was adorable.

It only took about 5 houses before Marshall caught

on to the idea that when the door opens,

you wait for candy,

you don't run into their entryways. lol.

Everyone was very friendly about

Marshall's friendliness. :)

It was a great night, clear and dry, and all the kids

did great, including Marshall.

It was the perfect vision i had for him...

and i don't usually let myself go there anymore,

i generally think the worst

and hope for the best, or some form of normal. lol.

I was happy to see Marshall in and

amongst all of the other kids,

looking like he belonged

with a huge smile on his face.

It doesn't get better than that.

NS, Preschool and Sunday school

I'm not sure why i haven't been sitting down

to keep this blog updated...

oh wait, i do know why - life is keeping me BUSY!!

And when i do have a bit of down time to myself, i have been

choosing to 'escape' through reading my book,

or playing mindless games on the computer,

or watching 'Ellen' :)

My husband said to me just this morning

how D being in part time Kindergarten,

which for her means full days but only 2 days a week

with the odd week where she goes 3 times,

has been helpful for adjusting to this busy routine.

So true.

It is my saving grace, for real.

If all 5 days of the week looked like my Tuesdays and

Thursdays, i would have lost my mind already.

As of now, my brain and body only feels half dead. lol.

Marshall continues to show progress

in all areas at school. We have had several reports from

both Preschool and Next Step which all

state that Marshall is doing great!

He is sitting at the work table (NS) for longer periods

of time now. There have been 2 occaisions where

Marshall's class should've been cancelled when

his interventionist was sick, but

they let him come and the other aides just took

him on and shared him, along with their regular kids.

This tells me that Marshall is totally manageable

even without one on one, which is awesome!

On those days when i picked him up,

there were 2 different teachers who told me about

Marshall's day.

One was Annika, who has been working in this program

for 10 years. She said that Marshall did awesome and

she could not believe what a fast learner he was!

The other time, Patty was there when i picked M up.

Patty helped Warren with Marshall when M first started

at Next Step. Patty is also very experienced and

has a son with Autism of her own.

She came to me and told me that she really cannot believe

the progress Marshall has made in such a short amount

of time. She was shaking her head in disbelief almost.

How cool is that?!

Marshall could not be getting better compliments,

and i am SO happy that he is really embracing this program

and the staff there, and that he is doing so well. PTL!

For the past month at Next Step, Marshall has actually been

working with 2 different interventionists.

Miranda took over full time with Marshall

in September when Warren left.

Then the centre took on a new child that was assigned to

Miranda in October, so now Marshall only sees Miranda

on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

So now M,W, and Friday, Marshall is with Carla.

The first day with Carla, Marshall was pretty

angry and upset when i left.

It was not a smooth transition like it was with Miranda.

Carla works in the same class so Marshall knows who

she is, but he didn't take to her right aways.

But he totally got over that and has been

doing awesome with her too!

Marshall really loves Andy as well.

He says his name every time we drive up to school,

and he looks for him when we go into class.

Andy is another interventionist who is in Marshall's

group, but who Marshall does not work directly with,

or hasn't yet anyways.

I've liked Andy from the first day of meeting him.

He is now the only male teacher there,

so of course, Marshall has taken to him.

Andy's really sweet and seems to really enjoy Marshall's

love for him. lol.

Andy got to play with Marshall on the outdoor

playground recently and Andy said

how impressed he is at M's capabilities as far

as climbing around goes.

We've heard this a lot from different people involved

and it is definitely something we now recognize as

a huge blessing,

and so cursing his physical abilities at age 1 already

is something we take back!! lol

Marshall is really enjoying Preschool as well.

Mary, M's aide, appears to be enjoying working with M,

and Marshall has, as the other teachers put it,

"has a soft spot for Miss Mary".

The 2 teachers Debbie and Julie have both

said that Marshall bee-lines to Mary everyday and

he doesn't even know that they're there!

It is said in a joking and loving way :)

A few weeks back, Marshall got to be the Special Helper

for the day. He got to bring 2 of his favourite toys

for show and tell (it was a surprise for M too as i hid

them even from him to avoid possible drama! lol).

He got to sit on the special chair next to the teacher

during circle, ring the bell, and be at the front of the

line as the children walked to the gym.

Apparently Marshall did awesome!!

Mary was a bit concerned that the next class M might

have trouble with going back to him normal

routine, but he did just fine.

Mary commented to me that Marshall is doing

really well and is loving doing crafts and circle as well as

gym time. She has said that he actually very social from

what she has observed. I would agree :)

She even said to me quietly that

Marshall follows his hand along the wall when

they walk down the halls and he is quiet...

she said that he is more well behaved than some of the

other (typical) children.

Yah Marshall! You show them!! lol.

We have been having a struggle with routine after

preschool is over, but i will save that story for a future post

as it relates to some other struggles we've been having

at home.

I have not touched on Church or Sunday School

in this blog in the past, but today, i will :)

Our church is small (100-150 ppl)

and we meet in a highschool.

The kids program is:

Nursery 0-3

Preschoolers 4-6

Last year, before Marshall was diagnosed, he was

kind of a wild child. He had so much energy

and being in a church that is in a school with

endless hallways and room to run...

well, Marshall was in his glory,

and sweaty every Sunday,

and i was exhausted and sweaty as well. lol.

There wasn't a designated nursery classroom,

but rather, the helpers and the kids met in

a lounge area which had full access to the hallways.

Marshall had no interest in the toys,

but liked to climb the sitting areas

and would attempt to bolt down the hallways...

constantly.

It was too much to ask the volunteers to deal with,

so i have pretty much lived in the nursery area

Sunday mornings since Marshall was 1 years old.

Marshall is the only kid in our church who was

born in 2008, so this year, he was the only

child who would technically be moving

up into the preschool program.

I didn't know back in Spring if we should just keep

him back another year or not.

Prior to Marshall starting Next Step

and Preschool, i did have visions of him sitting in a

structured environment.

Back in June, my sister suggested that we

try a few times. And we did. And it failed.

But in September, my sister and I

worked out a plan to benefit and accommidate to

having Marshall in the program.

In the beginning, my sis and i shared Sundays.

This year they are using playdoh to tell the stories

which was an instant grab for Marshall,

which is great!

He would play with playdoh and sit nicely,

and then as the time went on,

he would get restless

and would end up running around the room

which is a cafeteria with tables set up everywhere.

We'd have to lock him inside

so he wouldn't run down the halls.

My sister got a few other volunteers on board

as it seemed that Marshall was doing better

with teachers and not with Mommy.

I am not upset by this.

I have come to accept that Marshall has some of his

worst behaviour with me. I mean, it sucks, but

i have been told that this is normal by

the therapists as he knows i am a safe person

and provide a safe place for him to tantrum or whatever.

Lovely eh? lol.

Moving on...

I am happy to share with you that over the past month,

with the help of a few loving volunteers,

Marshall is loving Sunday school!!

He sits and does every activity, and is no longer

running around or yelling

or being a distraction at all.

He has come out of the room and i have helped him

use the washroom, and he is eager to

go back into Sunday School without me!!

I am a happy Mommy.

I have been able to listen to the sermons for the past

few weeks. It has been years since Church has been

a place where i get fed, and it's wonderful

to have that back again.

A big thanks to Auntie C for making Marshall's success

at Sunday School a priority :)

So there you have it!

A brief run down of all of the school-type

activites that Marshall is loving and thriving in.

Marshall's World at Home

There`s been a lot of cool things going on

here at home lately.

Marshall is doing really well everywhere he goes!

... and let me clarify that i mean 'really well... for Marshall'.

He does and always will have Autism.

We are in month 5 since the diagnosis and more recently,

Marshall is just becoming so independent.

It is awesome... most days ;)

I've been making a list of all the little things

that he is doing, doing differently, doing better lately,

and i am happy to share them with you!

Get ready for a lot of exclamation points -

i can't help myself!! :D

Marshall has learnt how to ride a tricycle

using the pedals!

He is helping me do laundry and willingly put his

favourite blanket in to be washed when i requested it

on 2 occaisions now!!

Marshall's original blue blanket knitted by Nana

fell apart months back.

She made him a new one...

which he rejected immediately. lol.

We've been trying to trick him but it hasn't worked.

His old blanket didn't even cover him at night

anymore. Then randomly one night,

he decided to make the trade all on his own.

I couldn't believe it when i saw the new blanket laying

on my kitchen floor the next morning!

The old one got one last wash and is now in hiding for life :)

Marshall has discovered his love for wa-wa's,

otherwise known as waffles.

This is not profound, but definitely a loved

and muched talked about food option for him

in the morning these days. lol.

My kids never seem to have actual pajamas for bed.

I have some hand me downs from my oldest

for my younger daughter,

but Marshall is usually naked.

Now with fall settling in, he needs to be wearing

something more than nothing at bed time.

In the past, i've just thrown on an older

muscle shirt or tshirt on him.

Well, i tried that last week and M was freaking out!

I guess he thought i was dressing him for the

day or something, when all he wanted to

do was go to bed. lol.

I went out and bought him a pajama set,

Two actually as they were on sale.

Marshall rejected those at first too,

and the first night only slept with the bottoms on.

But the second night, he let me put on his shirt

and he fell asleep wearing it :)

Now, he loves his pj's!

It is no longer a confusing thing for him,

which was mostly my own fault.

Bed time all together has improved by leaps and bounds!!

Brushing Marshall's teeth has looked like this

most of his life: Chase him down, sometimes he

opens his mouth, sometimes he doesn't

and i have to fight him,

but they get brushed one way or another,

and the toothpaste is swallowed.

Suddenly, Marshall is interested in brushing his teeth at the sink!!

He will open his mouth bigger if i show

him in the mirror by opening mine.

He likes to watch me brush,

and he is a big fan of the spitting part!! lol.

He will take several sips of water

and spit them out and he is so happy to do so!

Of course, the first time i made a huge deal out of it

and i told him to go and show Daddy his teeth.

Off he ran into the living room beaming from

ear to ear to show off his pearly whites!

Daddy of course, plays it up too for him :)

Marshall is eager and excited and actually runs

into the bathroom when i suggest brushing teeth.

It's great.

Such a big boy!!

Marshall has continued to bathe well.

He is helping me wash him.

His hair is getting on the longer side,

so washing is becoming a bit harder as it just takes

longer. He will be getting a buzz in the next couple

of weeks for sure.

Evenings are great with the routine down pat.

And what is even greater,

is that suddenly Marshall is interested in actually

reading books!!!!!!!!!!

That one gets extra '!!!'

Up until recently, Marshall has only had interest in looking

at the pictures and talking very briefly about what

we see. But now, when his sister goes

to pick out her bedtime book, Marshall picks out his own too!

He even says "book" after showing

Daddy his smile :)

Both the kiddies climb to the top bunk and eagerly

await reading their books together.

Marshall is even waiting to read D's book first,

as long as he can turn the pages, he is happy...

and also, as long as there are not too many words.

But he'll let me read a Franklin book which isn't super short!

Then he gets his book out and we mostly talk about

the pictures, but sometimes he waits until he hears my

`reading voice`for a few sentences and then turns the page!

It has become such a great time with him.

I wondered if he'd ever get to this place.

And just like that, when he decides,

he really can do anything it seems!

He has been requesting for me to "sing"

at bed time every night for the past several weeks.

Just recently he has started to sing along :)

It sounds nothing like what i'm singing,

but it's music to my ears!

Since he is so calm at night time now, i have been

able to start prayers with him.

We do the

Now i lay me down to..."leep"

I pray the Lord my soul to... "keet"

May your love go with me all the..."nigh"

and wake me up with the morning... "ligh"

"A-men!"

M finishes the last word of each line proudly :)

I love it.

I believe i have shared that Marshall can successfully

put on his velcro sandals.

He is now putting on his velcro shoes all by himself!!

He knows to push the tongue down and he lines it

up just right. Pretty cool.

I remember seeing a documentary about a year

ago about a young autistic boy,

and they showed how he had mastered

putting on his shoes...

and for some reason i was moved by how hard

that little boy tried, and then succeded.

And now i can be proud of my son

for accomplishing something that a year ago,

seemed like a lost cause.

How cool is that?!

Marshall is also putting on his seatbelt himself

in the car. He's in a 5 point harness, and as long

as i give him a bit of extra belt,

he does it up all on his own!

and again, proud as ever of himself.

He is becoming so independent lately, it's crazy!

Marshall is trying to say any word we

ask of him lately, and he's even saying words on his

own too!

He has just started making "ch" and "j" sounds.

Words like "orange" actually sound like orange now!

The first word i heard him say with that sound was

"pinching". lol.

After several times of me having to be stern with

him about pinching his sister, and my having

to get right to his level and say, "no pinching",

he repeated it.

I was at a cross roads...

"Yes that's right Marshall, NO pinching,

and good talking Marshall- yeah no pinching-good boy!

Now NO pinching your sister." lol.

Even i had to laugh afterwards.

Besides the pinching, pushing, pestering stuff

that Marshall is still doing at times,

he has been playing really well with his sister lately.

They have started wresting with one another...

and it is hilarious to watch them and to listen

to them laugh together.

He follows every direction she gives him!

Marshall wants to do everything with D.

He will yell for her if she is not right beside

him when going out the door.

It's really sweet.

She tells me every day that she wants to be a

teacher when she grows up because she

loves to teach Marshall.

She will make an awesome teacher...

she already is!

So much of what

Marshall is learning on a social level is from D.

Marshall is saying "lease" (please)

and "kan-ku" (thank you) on his own

without prompting all the time now.

He will call out,

"Mommy!! All done!"

when he wants me to clean up after him.

The other day he was looking at my book and when

he was done with it, he closed it and handed it to me

as he said,

"Here you go Mommy". :O

That one surprised me!

Four words together with purpose and in proper context.

That's my boy!!

Learning and growing every day!

OH!!!

I almost forgot.

Ok, so this was so random and surprising...

We were at my sister's house for Thanksgiving

and Marshall needed to go "pee".

Marshall always sits down to go pee.

Back when we were trying to train him

(before he was ready), we'd try both sitting and

standing. He's watched Daddy a few times.

So anyways, i take him to the washroom

where he strips down his bottom half to nothing.

I turn around to help him shimy onto the potty

only to see him pressing himself against it...standing.

I am shocked. lol. I don`t know what to do,

so i do nothing but observe.

Sure enough, he stands there and starts to pee!!!

He even shifted over when the stream went

to the side! lol.

I couldn`t believe it.

I still can`t believe it.

He did his thing and acted as if this was an every day

occurance! He didn`t look to me for praise

or anything, simply put his clothes back

on and went out to play.

Unbelievable eh?

I went to my family at the table

and told them what just happened and asked them

if anyone had been teaching him this.

They all said no.

My husband said that that morning he had shown

Marshall an example again, but that was it.

Marshall peed again this same way another time

while at Thanksgiving, and then again at home

the same night before his bath.

He has not done it since.

So wierd!!!

This kid is full of surprises... and i love it!

So here you have another post

filled with wonderful things!

Don`t get me wrong, there are still Marshall`s screaming fits,

tantrums and the frustrations

of our daily life here in the Hiebert home,

but all in all we just have

SO much to be thankful for.

Yeah Marshall!!!!!!!!!!

Isaiah 40:30-31

Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the Lord

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

Conference, Meetings, and Reports

This may not be the most interesting read,

but for my own record i'd like to state

some of the 'official' type things

that i've attended and recieved in the past month.

The staff at Next Step attended a 2 day

conference with speaker David Loyst, M.Cs., SLP.

The parents of NS kids were able to attend

the morning session on the first day for free.

The focus of the workshop, the title of it was

Reference and Regulate.

The morning session that i attended was focused on

speech. The whole conference was Autism based.

The main catch phrase

in which David focused on, using many examples

and even video of his own kids' progress was,

'Learn to look. Look to learn'

I really enjoyed this workshop.

David was so easy to listen to and everything that he

spoke about i could relate to with Marshall.

Teaching kids with Autism, kids who lack

focus and observation of the world around them to LOOK,

will automatically teach these kids to LEARN.

Duh right?

Well i never really thought about it before this session.

It makes so much sense... and is a pretty basic concept really.

David talked a lot about how 'our kids' grow,

and how the most important thing in teaching them to

look and to learn, is to first figure out how

to meet them where they already are.

If your focus is trying to get them to where age appropriate

is, you will fail, and also, you will miss important

steps that our kids will not catch along the way,

but that need to be taught.

Example. Marshall is at a 16 month old stage in his language.

If i look at what a typical 3 year old should be doing,

and then try to get Marshall to start using sentences

and what not, joining 2 words together,

he will miss how to label objects and to understand their purpose.

The goal is for him to understand and not just to repeat or

to mimik everything i say.

David stated a lot of statistics and i took some notes.

Here are some of the things i found note-worthy :)

People with ASD are systamizers rather than empathizers.

Study in UK: 70% of 500 were all high-funtioning with

regular IQ's.

ASD has a higher impact on families than any other disability.

High functioning ASD are at big risk for depression

and anxiety and often get a double diagnosis of this.

A 3 year old typical child will look to an adult

when they are 'lost' (fire alarm at school)

and in looking to an adult, they will find calm.

ASD kids are sensory sensitive and have not naturally learned

to look to adults for calming,

because they don't observe these behaviours.

ASD kids will not pickup on sarcasm or facial expressions

to understand that what you say

is not always what you mean.

In order to obtain better language out of our kids,

the focus needs to be on looking and observing

rather than teaching the words themselves.

If we teach them to look,

they will automatically pickup on the language and

behaviours around them.

If you can get to a place where you can just play

with them, therapy is not needed as it will be

taught by default.

We want ASD kids to choose to look,

rather than constant prompting.

(Right now Marshall is still needing much prompting

all across the board).

Play with kids at their brain height,

not their physical height.

The 3 hours were very informative and i was able

to relate everything back to Marshall which

was really great.

I was able to see through David's video studies,

the progress of his kids in one year.

It was so inspiring really.

Some of these kids went from basically no language,

to using full sentences in order to interact...

in just one year!!

Progress, even if it's slow, is just so amazing to see.

I am excited to look back in a years time at Marshall's progress!

***********************************************

I attended a monthly meeting held by the

Fraser Valley Autism Society (FVAS)

back in Spring with my sister.

The focus of that particular meeting was about a newer

type of therapy out there which has

a few names, but can be known as 'Floor Therpy'.

ABA therapy is known to be a desk type of therapy

with rewards for doing tasks.

At this meeting, there was a lot of negative focus on

ABA therapy.

It isn't for every child,

and i had my doubts as to how receptive Marshall

would be to this stricter type of therapy.

NS is ABA focused, but they will pull from other therapies

if their methods are not working,

or you can choose to pull your child out of their program.

Marshall is doing awesome in this type of learning

environment right now.

I have to say that i was mostly worried about Marshall

being 'rewarded' with treats, like a dog or something. lol.

But they use toys and outside playtime as rewards also.

In a most recent report from the OT at NS,

she stated that Marshall needed food reward to get

him going, but once he started working,

he didn't anymore and was happy to have

the praise from his interventionist and a simple high-five

was reward enough.

I gotta tell you, that made me SO happy to hear.

I am so thankful that Marshall is so receptive to praise

and to emotions and that they play

a big part in his life... that they are not something that

needs teaching. :)

Anyways, back to FVAS.

So when i attended with my sister in Spring,

Marshall was not yet diagnosed.

It was a small group of parents, about 8 and then the two of us.

I felt out of place.

After that meeting, i had some serious doubts that M even

had autism. We were going back and forth

with it of course, but most of the parents' stories and examples

were just so beyond where Marshall was at at that time.

I did not attend the next meeting.

After M was diagnosed in June, i recieved a brochure

about their program and i found them on facebook.

In fall now, the meetings started back up.

I talked to my friend Dawnya (who's son is also autistic)

and we decided to attend the meeting together.

It was the introductory meeting for the year.

There were 5 of us total.

To be an official member, there is an annual fee

or a fee for life.

There are many perks to being a member such as

first dibs to free tickets (such as the PNE)

as well as to grant money that is recieved to send kids

to camp and other such things.

With Marshall only being 3, most of these perks just

aren't something he can benefit at this time.

As a member, you are required to volunteer a certain

amount of time as well, which i just do not have right now.

So i will attend the meetings as a non-member

as i learn what it is all about.

Both Dawnya and i learned about many things in our

community that we could be benefiting from with

our sons' diagnosis.

Such as...

We qualify for a handicap parking spot.

(don't see myself taking advantage of that one, at least not right now).

We can pay for our child and get in free to Playland/PNE.

At any Rec Center, i can pay for M and go free as

his attendant.

I can apply for a pass that allows for me to get in free with

Marshall at the movie theatre.

Westjet (airlines) has a policy that i'd need to fill out paperwork for,

but that i could pay for Marshall's seat and mine

would be free.

If we went to Disneyland, we'd get an automatic front

of the line pass with Marshall (for 4 of us).

The ferries also have deals for families with a child with a disability.

All of this info was just great to hear!

Marshall's needs don't allow for me to work at all

anymore. My husband has a good job, but money is tight at times.

Marshall will get to experience so much more

because it is affordable for us.

During this first meeting, we also talked about what the

upcoming monthly meetings will look like.

They will have a lawyer come in and talk to us about

how to set up our wills so that our kids with disabilities

won't have all of their inheritance taken away

by the government.

Also, a meeting will focus on all of the different

tax credits and what not we possibly qualify for, and how

to go about filling out paperwork.

(We are currently waiting for approval of the

Disability Tax Credit which is undergoing

further investigation. I have a feeling we will be declined,

but we will fight for what we believe we are entitled to

based on Marshall's disabilities).

They will have some speakers, and some of the meetings

will just be a time of sharing.

The 3 other Mom's who were at this meeting

had teenage children, so it was a little difficult to really

connect with them. But at the same time,

all of this autism stuff is second nature to them,

so they have a lot of wisdom to share,

and i look forward to learning more about their journeys.

*******************************************

I had a meeting with Janel from Next Step as well

as with Miranda, Marshall's interventionist.

The OT as well as the Speech therapist were not able

to attend this meeting, but their input was relayed

through Janel.

It was a 2 hour meeting that took place instead of

Marshall's regular time slot.

We talked about Marshall's progress.

They have a good read now of Marshall's strengths and

weaknesses, and they follow a booklet,

like a rating system called,

The Assessment of Basic Language and Learning Skills.

It is crazy extensive and detailed.

Miranda is very experienced and effecient.

So i have a computer graph of each category and then

the booklet to look at to correspond why M was

given a 1-2-3 or 4 mark currently.

Each year Marshall is reassessed and a new color

gets added to the grid.

Janel also went over their written assessment and

goals that they have for Marshall going forward.

I agreed with all of the goals,

and they asked for specific input where needed.

Marshall's biggest delay in my opinion is his speech,

so it is definitely a focus, but also, it is a constant

work in progress in every activity that is presented.

It was exciting to actually be able to cross off some (or change) the

goals set out as Marshall has, since the report

was printed a week ago, mastered!!

Such as potty training... well, the pee part anyways.

M is not doing his business at all in the toilet now.

It's been frustrating,

but his OT has told us to be patient and to not

push him too hard.

That is hard to do when he's already gone several times

in the toilet and Marshall

knows his body and when he needs to go! Grr.

He has become a hider.

So i'm pretty much at a loss with it all right now.

I bought him a new toy as incentive,

as recommended by Janel, and

Miranda made him a Social Story based on it and using

the potty for both poo and pee.

He talks about the story, he knows that the reward

is that he gets to play with the toy,

but he doesn't care.

At least not right now.

Back to the meeting...

Marshall is doing really well in a lot of areas,

and of course, still needs work in a lot of areas too.

Miranda said again that Marshall is a very quick

learner and that he is quite smart.

It was a good meeting

and i am happy to be a part of his learning

when he's not in my care :)

*******************************************

In a post i did a month or so ago,

i wrote out the detailed report that i recieved for Marshall

from the OT i believe.

Well, since then i have recieved 3 more reports from 3

different therapists.

This is more than i was expecting!!

So i will not be re-writing every report that i get for

Marshall from this point forward,

but rather, will just focus on some of the more key

acheivements and/or concerns.

The Speech therapist has stated that Marshall is

interacting well with his teachers,

and is using good eye contact.

He is doing 6 piece puzzles on his own.

He is repeating words and short phrases.

She didn't really state anything

about Marshall improving or anything like that.

I know that Marshall's speech on a daily basis

is improving and it has been wonderful to hear!

I already stated that the OT spoke about

Marshall's need for, or rather lack of, rewards.

She wrote that Marshall continues to impress them

with his gross motor abilities, and his awareness

of his body in space.

Marshall is so good at doing things for himself, she writes.

(I have been seeing this more and more and

will share more in the next post which

i'm hoping to get done later on today)

********************************************

So, i think i've covered everything i've been

meaning to touch on for quite some time now,

as far as meetings and such goes anyways!

More later today :)