Bath time

Water and Marshall has been a love/hate relationship since birth. As an infant, M seemed to enjoy being bathed, although he would try to sit up a lot... and he was only a week old when he started using his stomach muscles this way! Once Marshall was capable, we put him in the bathtub with one of those suction chairs and so he sat there with his sister D. He loved playing in the water and sucking on toys he'd dipped in there. He was all smiles and giggles... until we had to wash his hair. Both my kids came out with an abundance of dark hair that they never lost (except for the bald spot on the back), and Marshall's became curly, really curly, as it grew. It was super cute but washing it and rinsing the shampoo out took even longer than normal hair, and M was not a fan of this one bit.

Once M realized he could stand up and out of the suction chair, we couldn't keep him in there. He liked to sit but loved to stand. He loved to dip cups in the water and then tip them and watch the water fall before his eyes and sometimes onto his other hand. Watching water and being fascinated with it's movement is something many children with Autism enjoy. From the time M was 1 year to about 2.5 years old, he really liked bath time. He would get excited to get undressed and would love to sit in the bath as the water came out of the tap and splashed on his feet and hands. Marshall and D would play in the tub together for an hour, easy. I would empty the tub and refill as the water got cold. M loved everything about the bath... until it was time to wash. He would cry and get upset and try to knock our hands away from his head. I would just try to do it FAST and get it over with... which meant more water in his eyes which made him even madder. But it would get done quickly and he could breathe again... i could breathe again.

Around 2.5 years old, Marshall started to become... anxious about bath time. I don't know a better word to describe it besides anxious. He started to run away when i'd sing the 'warning song'... "Splish-splash I was takin' a bath!" He would hide in the house. I'd lure him into the bathroom, but he'd only stand so close to the tub and if i tugged him closer, he'd panic and sit down and try to get out of the room. Unfortunitely for Marshall, and for me for that matter, bathing is not optional.

Bathing started to look like this: Chasing a screaming Marshall throughout the house and having to fight him to strip him of his clothes and diaper. Picking him up while he kicks and screams and cries and bringing him into the bathroom where I'd just put him in the bath. He would NOT sit down and he would not calm down. None of the regular bathtub toys would interest him. I tried to bath with him in hopes that switching it up could be fun for him - not so much. I could sometimes stop the screaming by doing one of M's favourite activities....blowing bubbles for a few minutes, but he would not sit down and i could not wash him properly. It was a LOT of work, really intense, and i came away with a sore back every time.

Then it got worse. Marshall would sense that it was near bath time and would start doing his panicky cry and would dive into his crib in hopes that i would just let him sleep and skip his bath... and sometimes i did just that. We had to be careful that we didn't mention the word bath or even read it in a book as that would trigger M. Typically the kids have baths every other day. I would gather pajamas together and Marshall would see me and although it wasn't even a bath night, he'd freak out and run screaming to his room and hide in his bed under his blanket. I'd shout out, "NO bath Marshall, NO bath, it's ok", but he wouldn't calm down. Getting M into the bath on bath nights was still a big fight and i'd have to place him in there screaming still, but then this past spring, he started to try and climb back out of the bath... the SECOND i put him in there. We were strickly on a 'wash when desperately needed' basis at this point, so it was about once every 5 days or so and thankfully, our weather is cooler and he is not sweating all day long. So i would again, just try to do it fast. It was terrible. Marshall is strong... really strong when he wants to be. I'm no wimp or anything, but i'm not a weight lifter either, and bathing M was becoming extremely difficult. M's Dad comes home from work around 7:30pm and ideally, i'd have the kids out of the bath before he came home so he could spend some time with them before they went to bed at 8pm. But then I noticed one day that Marshall's one arm had strange bruising on it, and it dawned on me that I must have done that to him in the bath.

Just picture M and i right now... he is fighting for his life to get out of that bathtub and i am trying to wash him as fast as i possibly can. Because he won't sit anymore, i have to try and really clean his special parts as best i can, as well as his body and his hair. He is climbing the ledge of the tub, risking slipping and cracking his head. He is screaming... and we are in a bathroom where everything echos. D is in the bath with her ears plugged and turned to the wall as M kicks water all over the place. D is upset as her eyes can't stay open so she is crying. I am getting soaked as I use all of my strength to try and keep M from falling and washing him with my other hand while i repeatedly say, "It's ok Marshall, it's ok". And Marshall is red-faced, screaming, snot running out of his nose, and he is spitting and slapping his mouth, trying to climb out, jumping as he screams at the top of his lungs while i wash his hair, and at the same time, he is also trying to bury his head into my shoulder and he is saying "up" and "all done" when he has a breath that isn't all screams. It was exhausting.... for all of us... and those within earshot were exhausted as well. Something had to change.

First thing i changed was that D and Marshall would have seperate baths. The hope of them playing together again in there seemed to be a world away. Secondly, I would wait until Daddy was home from work as it really became a two person job. Daddy would allow for M to hug him as i tried to wash him. Daddy would get very soapy and wet as M buried himself into his shoulder. Daddy would rub his back and the screaming seemed to not be escalading as badly, and together my husband and i just had more control. It still was quite unpleasant and exhausting though as it was strickly a wash all over and get out experience.

FVCDC got a new OT (occupational therapist) and Melissa asked me if i'd like her to come by and meet Marshall and myself. Perhaps she had some ideas of how to make bathing easier and maybe even enjoyable for Marshall again. The OT could also give more advice on potty training which is still an obstical that needs to be overcome, but that is for another post, another day. So Carol came over with Melissa and i explained to her what has been happening pre-bath and during bath time. She had a few suggestions such as using a cloth to slowly get M's head wet without him really realizing it and triggering the big screaming. That didn't work. She suggested giving his head a deep pressure massage prior to washing him... he was not impressed with that one, although i thought it might work as he does enjoy us casually rubbing his head throughout the day. She suggested using a watering can rather than a yogurt container (my current water-dumper)... nope, he was having none of it. I told Carol how when i show him the bath toys or allow for some of his non-bath toys to come in there in an attempt to get him to play, he gets mad and throws them out of the tub. She suggested that i get some 'bath only' toys that never come out, ones that he'd really enjoy and that might be hard to leave behind, but that he'd be excited about playing with in the tub next time i showed it to him. Also, Carol suggested that along with the special bath-only toys, i get Marshall a reward for after bath time. Ok, so i made up my mind to put these last 2 suggestions together and to have a go at it.

So i was on a mission to find that 'perfect toy'. I really was just trying to find one that i knew would interest him. I'd thought about those windy toys that swim around as they unwind, and i had my mind set on that being the toy. Then i found one down in the States! A turtle, with a baby turtle on the top that you twist to wind up, then the arms flap in circles and it swims around in the water!! At the same store in the dollar section, i found bath books that were Toy Story, M's favourite! So i bought 3 of those books, one from each movie, and i thought that if the turtle didn't work, i'd try one of the books.

Then the big day came... experiment time! Lol. It sounds dumb but i was nervous about this!! At this point, i am kinda outta ideas so if this doesn't go over well, what the heck am i gunna do? Marshall's oldest sister B had soccer that evening and Daddy came home early. So my husband took both of the girls to soccer and M and i had a quite, calm house which was just what we needed. Marshall was watching a cartoon as i ran the bath water... which i assume he thought was for me as he didn't go into panic mode. Then i got everything ready and close by and then i prayed, "God help me! Please let this time be different, please help his interest in this new toy and book allow for some kind of normal, stress free bath, please!"

I went into the livingroom and turned down the tv. I said to Marshall, "Come! Look! Come and see, Marshall!" all very excitedly. He followed me into the bathroom where he stood at the doorway as i approached the tub. "Look buddy!", i said to him again, pointing. A bit more coaxing and he came over to the edge of the tub and saw the turtle floating in there. He looked at me and was intrigued! So far so good. I picked up the turtle and wound it and placed it back in the bath. Marshall was excited! "Turtle!", i said. "Turle!", M replied. And then he grabbed his shorts and tried to pull them off... HE WANTED TO GET INTO THE BATH!!! Whaaaa??!! Awesome. So i'm praising M and getting all excited, "Yeah! Bath! Turtle!" Marshall said, "up" once he was naked and i placed him into the bath.... calmly, with no kicking, in peace. He bent down to grab the turtle and then showed it to me. I said to him, "Turtle... ohh la la! You sit down, ok?" And he SAT DOWN. Now i'm excited! I can't believe he is having a normal bath after so many train wrecks. I sat on the edge of the toilet and helped him wind up the turtle and we watched it swim... it was a really great time of one on one interaction in a place where i didn't think i'd ever find it again. It was a blessing. Marshall played in the bath for 25 whole minutes! He was so interested in the toy, he didn't mind that i washed his body while he played. He did lose interest in the turtle for a period of time so i brought out the Toy Story book. He didn't understand why i had a book in the bath so i tried to show him it was ok and i pushed it into the water... he freaked out! Ahh!!.... ok, so this was not a good idea. I quickly picked it up and he was desperately trying to wipe the drops off of it so i grabbed a towel and helped him and he got distracted by the turtle as i did this. I decided in that moment that i would use the book as the after bath reward, so i hid it temporarily.

Then i used a cloth and tried to wet his head for washing while he played, but he was onto me quick. He stood up and started crying and i kept telling him it was ok. I put soap in his hair and then i decided to stop before rinsing (which is usually the worst screaming part) and try to get him to calm down and get his attention back to the turtle. It worked. We played for a few more minutes and then i started to rinse with the wet cloth. I tried to get him to sit but he stood up and cried again ... but he didn't scream, at least not like he had been for the past 6 months. And because i broke up the washing from the rinsing and he had time to calm down, part two was much quicker and M's anger didn't escalade. Seems so simple and makes so much sense now! After washing was done, Marshall wanted "up" (out), but i thought it would be nice if i could take him out of his bath happy. Having him on the couch wiping his tears and trying to catch his breath is a routine i wanted to break. Because everything had gone so well, i did try to lure him back to the turtle... and IT WORKED! We played together for a few more minutes and then I said "all done bath" and M concured happily with, "ahh dah"(all done) and out we came... ALL SMILES! I handed him his Toy Story book... more smiles :) He sat on the couch so content just reading his special book. It was glorious. I sat down with him and we shared that peaceful moment together... along with many extra kisses of "good boy" praise :)

It has been almost a month since that successful day, and i am happy to report that we are still having many good experiences in the bathtub! Marshall still has his off days where he doesn't even want to get in, or days when the turtle doesn't seem to interest him, but MOST days he is happy to bathe... so much that we are back to every other day with him which is wonderful. It's been a challenge and a true test of my patience! But for now anyways, we will call this a success story :)