Birthday Parties

We recently attended two little boys' birthday parties.

Both D and Marshall were invited

and I stayed for both events.

Both of these parties were cousins of the kids' so

the parents themselves are very understanding of

Marshall and our struggles at times.

But there are many other parents and unfamiliar

kids, at these two parties anyways,

and Marshall had a hard time.

The one party had 26 kids (crazy eh!)

and was held in a school gym/preschool room.

I knew that there were going to be a lot of gym type

activities including a bouncy castle

so i thought...

open space, room to run, big room=big sound

and the bouncy castle should seal the deal

of a successful time for Marshall.

Ummm... NOT!

He did...ok.

This was the 26 kid party and so there was a lot

of activity which Marshall was ok with

(and is usually ok with).

There were stations set up around the gym

and that's where the challenges started.

There was a photo station where

a mother and daughter team were trying to talk

to Marshall to get him to put on silly clothes and

then to pose for a photo.

He kept running away but they were following him...

these situations are so hard, for me.

I make my i'm sorry face and then state,

"He has Autism and very little language."

Is this my new introduction for my son?

I'm not lovin' it.

Marshall is Marshall.

Marshall is not simply autistic,

but i feel like that's what i'm saying when i say it.

Like i'm the one giving him the label.

I hate that.

Marshall was playing well on his own, well, with me

guiding him around to the different activities

and quite enjoyed the hula hoops.

There were bowling pins and a ball and again,

he did well until he saw other kids playing it and

then it became his mission to run over,

knock their pins over, and steal their ball.

Lovely.

One boy in particular told me right out a few

times, "Your boy is wrecking my game,

he is ruining everything and he won't stop."

Well guy, i am trying to drag him away...

can't you see that!!

I wasn't mad at the little boy,

and i wasn't mad at my little boy either.

They don't understand eachother...

and it saddend me to think that M may never be

understood by other children.

Right now, he's not even understood by half

of the adults he has contact with.

To that child, and to other parents,

Marshall looks like a kid with bad parents.

A kid whose parents must let him get away with

everything.

A kid who has no discipline at home.

A kid who is stared at and called different.

Marshall tried to escape the gym several times and

i had to drag him back screaming.

Then it was snack time which he did well with.

Then all of the kids went outside to

the playground.

Marshall loves playgrounds and has never

struggled with physical activities.

He does however,

struggle with change at times and i didn`t

know if i`d be able to get him to leave the playground.

Well, he took a few minutes longer than the rest of the

kids, but once i started walking away,

he did follow me and was happy...

til we got to the door and he

figured out that i was trying to get him back into

the school.

We went to the classroom to have cake

but Marshall ran off screaming.

I was exhausted and just wanted

to sit and relax a bit.

I sat there with my cake while my sis took

over chasing for a bit, and

I looked around at the 25 other children

as they sat properly at the tables

and ate their cake and used their manners.

Sigh.

Marshall will get there right?

I am hopeful.

But he is not there yet, at least not

on this particular day.

Then during gift time, Marshall just wanted

to grab all of the Cars bags to play with,

and one had a helium balloon attatched to it so that

became a problem,

especially when all of the kids grabbed their gifts

and the balloon became within reach.

Once again,

ALL of the other kids sat near the bday boy and

were anxiously waiting their turn for

him to open their gifts...

and there i sat somewhat restraining Marshall,

hoping he`d get over it and just be happy again.

That didn`t happen.

I asked my dear friend, the mother of the bday boy,

to open our gift first so D wouldn`t be

disappointed as i knew we`d have to leave pretty quick.

M wanted that balloon.

He was screaming for that balloon.

The little boy who brought the balloon didn`t like

Marshall trying to grab the balloon.

All of the kids and the mom`s that were there were

just watching me, and watching my son,

and his tantrum just escaladed.

I told D we needed to go and she is so easy,

bless her heart,

she just said, ok mom!

She walked beside me while i tried to balance

my bag as i pretty much dragged M

screaming all the way

(long hallway and much echoing!)

to the car.

My cousin followed us out with goody bags which

calmed M down somewhat.

So exhausting.

He fell asleep on the drive home.

The second birthday party was at one of those indoor

play places. The place was packed with kids.

We don't attend those places regularly

so they are unfamiliar.

When we walked in the door,

one of the workers there deemed it necessary

for Marshall, for all kids at the party,

to wear a bracelet.

Well, M didn't want to wear a bracelet.

I was kinda torn cause people were starting to look

over and the worker was trying to talk to

Marshall and explain...

ahhhh...ok Lady.

I just told you that he will NOT

wear socks due to him having Autism and you think

you can explain this bracelet to him?

He was screaming at this point as i was holding

him down so she could strap that stupid thing

to him. He was mad... and i was sweating. lol.

She got it on and then i yanked off M`s sandals

and he ran to the play area, sat down,

and started screaming as he tried to rip the bracelet

off... i went over and ripped the stupid thing off.

Everyone was watching our little show.

During the tantrum, people who were

kinda near us moved away.

It was a 5 minute moment i am happy to forget!

The rest of the time at that party,

Marshall ran through the play area and really

had a blast. He wouldn`t go up to the

food area to sing and have cake when everyone

else did... but he eventually, on his own,

wandered up the stairs and so we had cake and juice

after everyone else was done.

Then we came down the stairs, played for a bit longer,

and then we had to leave.

I gave my 5 minute countdown warnings each time

Marshall and D came out of the play area.

Then when i counted, one more minute, one more time...

M didn`t come out of the play structure.

Turkey.

So..... i tried to call him out - yeah right.

Eventually he came down to the bottom and i had to

race over and grab him out.

He was not happy with me.

I told him we were all done and he got mad.

Then i tried to put on his sandals... he fought me.

Then i dragged him to the front door screaming...

and of course, had quite the audience as we walked

through the door and walked to the car.

Ahhh... strapped in the carseat.

I can breathe again.

I wonder to myself...

is this just plain maddness that i even try?

It`s hard on Marshall,

and it`s hard on me,

and these birthday parties are so exhausting

by the end...

and leaving on such a terrible note is not fun.

I don`t know.

I want to try and live our lives as normal as

possible, to not let Autism affect

every part of our lives.

But i`m coming to terms with the fact

that our lives don`t end because of this diagnosis...

they do however,

change how we live our lives.

Accepting that feels easy some days...

and others, it is so very hard.

But we will not give up on birthday parties yet!

I will ask a lot of questions and

definitely weigh all of the options before i tackle

another one with Marshall though.

We shall see.