Picture Day

Today was picture day at ACS, Marshall's preschool.

Last night we picked out the clothes for the morning.

This morning i got up and ironed M's button

up shirt and put gel in Marshall's hair.

I fought with M to get the sleep out of his eyes and

to give his teeth a last minute brush.

He was ready.

He looked handsome... he is handsome!

Off to preschool we went

and the transition of leaving him went well as usual.

Picture taking and Marshall are a bit

of a hit or miss.

I was hopeful this morning.

I wouldn't be there, which sometimes is a good thing.

He would have Mary to guide him,

and a row of other kids to watch and to

follow by example... or so i thought.

I went to pick up Marshall from preschool and the

teachers let me know that the photographer

was late and that i needed to take

Marshall downstairs to the Art Room to get

his photo taken.

Hmmm. Ok.

Mary was with us and I asked her to come along

as perhaps he would take her guidance better

than my own since that is what he is used to

at preschool.

Marshall came out of his classroom and

wanted to change his shoes.

He understands routine... he lives for routine

i have come to realize.

Both Mary and I tried to guide Marshall to "walk" with

us down the hall, but he was confused.

He wanted his outside shoes on.

Mommy's here, it's time to go home.

Marshall was getting quite upset and was yelling

in frustration.

He was adament about his backpack and he

finally came along with us without changing his shoes,

but with his backpack in tow.

He held my hand as we headed down the stairs.

Mary told me that the only time they

go downstairs is to go to Gym time (which M loves)

so this might be even more confusing for him.

It was.

We found the Art room and Marshall was not happy.

There was a line of parents and children so about

5 kids in front of us.

Marshall had to wait, which as you know by now,

is not an easy task.

I stood holding him, knelt restraining him, tried to quiet him.

I was having a hard time.

Each and every parent in front of us stood proudly

beaming at their child who was sitting

on the box, smiling away, listening to instructions

from the photographer....

Then it was Marshall's turn.

He was laying on the ground screaming as i tried to

get him to come over to the box to sit.

Mary was trying to talk to him as well.

He became interested in the camera equipment

so i had to try and get him away from touching

or picking up anything... which made him madder.

Then he ran over to the paper rolls and started

pulling at them.

There was a long line of parents and children behind us.

I felt my tears coming,

but thankfully i held them back.

I brought M back to the camera area and he refused

to sit or to cooperate at all.

Then he ran over to a large desk and crawled underneath...

Mary and i got on the ground and tried to lure him out.

He wouldn't come.

I gave up.

Mary spoke to the photographer about when re-takes

were and then told me that next time she

would try to bring him in first thing

to get him comfortable with the space first.

Re-takes are on the 18th of next month...

i have been waiting for these photos to be over

to shave M's head.

It's getting harder to wash and too shaggy to gel.

Another 3 weeks... *sigh.

Once i told Marshall we were all done and could go,

he came out from under the desk and happily

walked back up to the stairs and to his classroom

where he could change his shoes.

We got out to the van and he started screaming

again, which he has been doing for

reasons i don't understand,

whenever we get outside and walk to the car from preschool.

I usually have to carry him screaming as he tries to

break my grip.

Then i have to force his seatbelt on and he (and I) is so

worked up from screaming and crying that

he wants my hugs,

which i give him once he's buckled.

We sit there hugging...

and today, i let myself cry in my sons arms.

I'm not sure i understand why i am so emotional over this today.

I can't even type this out right now without crying.

I know Marshall will get there in time.

But today, i wanted him 'there'... now.

Why can't he just wait like all the other kids?

Why won't he stop screaming?

Why won't he just sit on the seat and look at the camera?

Why can't he understand?

Why can't he be normal?

Why???

God, why is this Your choice for me....

for Marshall...

why do You think i can do this?

I don't feel strong enough for this.

Today it feels too hard.

Giving up is not an option....

and right now i need strength that i cannot

grasp on my own.

I knew that M getting his picture taken in such a formal

way could very well be a disaster,

so it doesn't really make sense that after this morning,

i feel so overwhelmed

at the thought of being the mother of a child with ASD.

I don't have mini-meldowns often, but today, i am.

I have been told that it is natural to have

days where you mourn the loss of having a normal child...

and i have thought that that was somewhat ridiculous.

But today i get it.

Today i'm there.

And i am thankful that tomorrow is a new day.

My kids are my life and i love them

more than words can say.

I am their Mom, and i am so blessed to be.

I will do everything i can to give them the best

life possible.

God give me strength.

Potty TrainING

Marshall has had such success in regards to

potty training over the past few days i just have to talk

about it again!!

Saturday, the first day he decided that using the toilet

was for him, he peed 5 times and even did his

business once!

For a good month now, Marshall has been telling

me when he feels he has to either pee or poo.

He has not allowed for me to even take

him into the bathroom half the time, nevermind sit.

So last Saturday,

Marshall would do as he always does and would

tell me when he feels he needs to go...

but then he would actually come to sit

and he would actually go!

I have thought that Marshall has been dry through

the night for about a year already,

i tell everyone that.

But now i'm not so sure.

There are mornings where he comes into my room

completely dry, but then other days

he comes with a full fresh pee.

I have just assumed that he is only peeing in the

morning when he wakes up.

Well, both Saturday night and Sunday night,

Marshall peed in his bed.

I really didn't expect this!

So now i'm wondering if on those mornings when

he comes with a full diaper, if it is perhaps

his second pee in that diaper and that in fact,

he is actually going during the night.

I dunno.

This is all new to Marshall, going on the potty that is,

so perhaps he is peeing at night

just starting now.

He woke up each time and was quite upset about it :(

So, he will wear Pullups to bed for now.

Sunday morning Marshall reverted back to having

anxiety about peeing on the potty.

He was freaking out,

similar to what he'd been doing on Friday

when he had to go so badly, but wouldn't...

not in the potty anyways.

We had a busy Sunday with our Church Fall Kickoff

in the morning, so after he peed in his diaper

at home in the morning,

i kept him in a diaper for church.

He didn't ask to go once at church and we were there

for lunch as well.

We came home around 1:30pm

and I wanted Marshall to take a nap as we were heading

to my parents' to celebrate my Opa's birthday

that evening.

I tried to encourage Marshall to pee

before i put him to bed,

but he again was totally panicky and ended

up going in his diaper.

I was frustrated but not super upset...

M had such a great day yesterday and i knew he'd

get it back. I was hopeful it'd be sooner than later

of course.

At the birthday party, Marshall told me several times

he needed to pee, and so i took him to the potty.

He sat, he played around, he didn't pee.

He peed in his diaper :(

But then....

we came home and gave Marshall a bath.

During his bath he stood up and said, "ow"

and was grabbing by his bum.

I asked him, "poo-poos in the potty?"

He said, "potty".

He let me take him out and put him on the seat...

and he went poo!!

He was quite proud of himself :)

Then right before bed time he told me "pee" again and

so i took him and he went!!!

It was great to have a successful evening after a disappointing

day of toileting.

As i said, he did pee during the night in his bed.

Then this morning,

i was waiting to see where he was at...

and sure enough, around 9am he told me,

i took him, he peed!!

YEAH!!!!

Then again at 11am.

Then i brought him to Next Step with Miranda

and it was great to share our potty news with her!

She got super excited and gave me a high five

and Marshall got doubles :)

I told her that he'd probably have to pee as he'd been

drinking a lot beforehand.

As i was leaving i heard Marshall tell Miranda "pee".

I left and when i came back to pick him up,

i was told that Marshall had gone pee TWO times with her!

How AWESOME is that?!!!

Now i know he will go anywhere

and with anyone,

and he is in a variety of places with different people

so i could not be more thrilled that he went

at school without me :D

We've been home now for almost 2 hours and Marshall

has gone pee twice in the potty.

It is SO great.

It was great to share the news with 2 other parents

at Next Step while we waited for our kids to come out.

Parents who understand the struggle it can

be with our autistic children...

wondering if they will ever be fully potty trained,

if they will have language or even sensory

abilities to tell and to feel when they have to go.

Well, Marshall is a success story!!

He will be 100% in no time,

i am confident of this,

and i am thankful.

Updates and Reports

As seems to be the trend these days,

Marshall is doing amazing in both schools!

I feel like there has been too much positive feedback

and i am just waiting for something

to go downhill.

I'd like to think that i'm a positive person,

but i like to be realistic also!

I am just soaking in all of the good and then

when the setbacks do come, and i'm sure they will,

i can remember the awesomeness

that has been this past month and a half!

********************************

A few accomplishments for Marshall at home

that i'd like to make note of:

He will now lay down in his bath to get his hair wet!!!

(not to wash, but just get it wet - huge deal for him).

Marshall's favourite diy flipflops broke this week

so he has been wearing his sandals.

The other day he didn't want my help and he

put them on all by himself!!!!!

He even knew to pull the strap to tighten

the velcro before he put it down.

I never knew he was watching me that closely!!

Now he just wants to put them on all the time,

like right now while he's watching Shrek

in his underwear. lol.

A few days ago we were leaving my parent's house

and Marshall, for whatever reason, decided

he wanted to put on his seatbelt himself!!

He has kinda tried in the past but then i help him

complete it. That day, he got mad when i tried

to help him and he continued to try

until he did it!!!

Our little boy is growing up!

Marshall is super big on drawing on the pavement

outside with chalk lately.

He is drawing a circle,

then eyes, a smile, a nose,

always 3 legs (lol)

and a few arms as well!!!

These little figures are all over our home

on both the ground as well as on paper :)

And of course, as i just shared,

Marshall peed in the potty this morning!

So much good eh?!!

It's been really exciting watching him grow and learn.

Yesterday i got to watch him at NS

for the last part of circle time.

Marshall was dancing away and doing the actions

to all of the songs... it was adorable.

Miranda has said to me that Marshall makes her job fun.

He is always checking in to see if she's watching him

when he's accomplished something,

and he just wants to learn and pushes himself until he gets it!

Miranda also said to me the other day that

"Marshall is so smart."

Wonderful to hear... i'm sure as M continues to grow

we will see just what kind of 'smart' he really is.

Autistic children can be very smart

and very computer savey...

and with the way M moves through my

touch-screen phone,

who knows!

At home, we have been having some struggles with Marshall.

Lately he is really into pestering his sister. lol.

Typical boy right?

It's actually kinda nice to see him 'engage' with her

when he covers her picture with his hand

and then waits for the anticipated reaction. lol.

M has been pestering her a lot, as well as his 2 girl cousins

who he sees often and who are his age.

Covering a picture is one thing...

but Marshall is also yelling in their faces,

pushing and hitting, and has

even bitten his sister on 2 occaisions.

He is not normally violent.

Even in these situations, his actions are not based

on anger, he thinks it's funny...

and he laughs and laughs

when the girls get upset and whine or cry.

lol. it's terrible and yet somewhat funny at times.

He is simply looking for a dramatic reaction,

and he's getting it.

I have been focusing on teaching D as well as my nieces

about how to not react as that seems

easier than telling Marshall "no" all day long...

but is that the best solution?

Probably not.

So far i have not had any reports of this behaviour at

school... and of course, you are always meaner to

your family than anyone else. lol.

Melissa was telling me about a seminar coming up

that deals with discipline for autistic children.

That will probably be helpful for me :)

****************************************

Marshall has gone to preschool twice now and only for

an hour each day. Karen visited the classroom

on both days and wrote up a report based on

what she ....

IMPORTANT INTERUPTION.....

AHHHHHH WAHOOOO!!!

Marshall just went pee #2 in the potty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...to continue...

a report on what Karen observed :)

It is so nice to see Marshall settle into preschool.

Areas of success:

Marshall chose to participate in a variety of

activities today. He demonstrated a great attention span

for some and stayed longer at others with the

use of visuals... he seemed to like these!

Nice joint attention in tree house corner

with Mary was observed.

Talking on the phone and eating a snack.

Marshall worked for a short time at the art table,

using a couple of markers. He drew on the back

independently and it looked like a person!? WOW.

A super class! We will slowly work towards

facilitating pier play.

For now Marshall seems happy navigating

the room and interacting with Mary.

*******************************************

At Next Step, Marshall has seen Kristie

who is an OT (occupational therapist) on 2 occaisions now.

Kristie wrote up reports each time.

Here is report #1 dated Aug. 18th,

so a month ago.

Marshall has recently started the NS program

and we are working at becoming familiar

with his skills.

Shape Sorter- M recognized the circle, but for other

shapes required assistance to find the hole

to put it in.

Puzzles- M was very good at the single insert

puzzles that have the picture painted

on the bottom. He was using his eyes to identify

the shape he was looking for. He also did the single

insert with no picture on the bottom, but this

was harder for him.

Fine Motor- M appears to have right hand dominance.

He can cross midline. He will change hands

during a task. He uses a palmar pronate grasp of

the crayon.

He repeatedly draws the same face shape,

starting with the eyes, adding the mouth and nose

and drawing a circle around it.

He also draws a straight line, bottom up,

with a round circle on top.

He does no imitating.

Marshall can stack 11 blocks. He will not copy

block designs.

Behaviour- initially M was cooperative and compliant.

He worked hard for half an hour and was given

a break. After the break it was

harder for him to settle down to work.

He makes his displeasure known by yelling.

*************************************

I had to laugh at the last line

as it is all too familiar!!!

Here's the most recent report from Kristie

that i recieved this week.

Marshall is really making progress with adjusting

to the program.

Visual/spatial- M can do 6 piece puzzles and can do

9 piece with help. He did the 10 piece shape

sorter today with a bit of assistance.

This is great progress!

Self help- M is very motivated to do things for

himself. He can open his back pack,

take out his lunch bag and open the zipper.

He needs help to open the container,

and will look for help but needs prompting

to ask for help.

Toileting- has not yet begun, but M is talking

about going potty. He is probably

ready to begin.

(How cool to see progress already!!)

Gross Motor- M runs smoothly and climbs easily.

He occaisionally gets stuck and looks for

help but again needs prompting

to ask for it.

Fine Motor- M is showing good strength with

the clothes pegs.

**************************************

So there you have it!

Perhaps these reports are of no interest to you,

but they are very exciting for me

and i am happy to have constant

documentation from different people who are

a part of Marshall's journey!!

In fact, i am so used to daily reports that it feels

so strange to pickup M's sister from Kindergarten

with nothing. lol. She comes out

smiling and i get to assume she had a wonderful day!! :)

Both the kiddies are doing amazing

and i am just so blessed to be their Mom!

Marshall PEED IN THE POTTY!!!

I can't believe it.

I think i'm in a state of shock!

I am SOOO excited and i guess i am just overwhelmed

with joy that i now sit here crying

and i'm not even sure why.

I am so stinking proud of you Marshall!!!!

I am watching my son walk around proudly in his

"Buzz" undies and even though this morning was

just the first time, i know that he gets it and that he will only

succeed moving forward as far as toileting is concerned.

Man, i am so overwhelmed with emotions -

this is crazy. lol.

I have been waiting to find some time to blog about

preschool and seeing the OT at Next Step over

the past 3 days...

more positive things to share!!

And now i have this awesome pee-pee news

to share.

So there will be another post soon about school :)

**************************************

The pee-pee story!!!

... this will not be for everybody so feel free

to stop reading now if you don't want details! :D

The past few days, Marshall has been 'holding it'...

in both senses of the phrase. lol.

As i've said, Marshall has been dry through the

night for a year already.

He typically wakes up and either pees in his diaper

before he comes into my bedroom (it's warm so i know

he just did it) or very shortly after being up.

Since Marshall has become a pro at the on and off diaper

business, he has been peeing a little bit

ALL DAY LONG

and each time, he wants to change his diaper...

so he's been going through at least 10 diapers a day.

It's been ridiculous... and costing a fortune.

(I save them for another time if it's just a dribble!!)

A few days ago, Marshall started holding his pee

in the morning. He starting talking a LOT about

"pee-pee" and holding himself to keep it in.

He was dancing around

for an hour in the morning

or even longer, talking about pee and looking

antsy to go, but he wouldn't come and sit on the toilet.

He was getting upset at the feeling of needing to go.

It's been frustrating for both of us.

In the end he would pee in his diaper and it would be FULL

and often wouldn't even hold it all so we'd have to change

his shorts as well.

He was waiting until 11am to go...

and then was holding it all day and would wait until

i put him in the bath around 6:30pm

to pee again (in the tub).

Twice a day, that's it.

I was getting concerned that this was unhealthy

and that he'd get a bladder infection or

something.

Then yesterday i got him to come to the bathroom

in the morning (11am) to sit on the potty.

He did for his typical 10 seconds and then

came off and was freaking out.

Then i tried to set up the little potty that sits

on the floor, which is kinda too big for M and he never

took to it in the past (it is the girl kind and

i am scared of the possible firehose effect, so i've hardly used it).

Marshall got upset but showed me that he wanted the

seat part to sit on the big potty,

so i put it on there.

Then he wanted to sit...

and he sat on there for half an hour with a bit

of on and off.

He ended up peeing in his diaper right before school :(

I told Miranda of our morning on the potty

and she agreed with me that M is so close

and then she recommended i view a certain web video

on toileting.

Marshall had farted twice and said "poo" and

he was quite aware of what was going on...

and he even paused a few times

like he was concentrating and i thought

"Oh my word, he's going to pee!!"

But he didn't.

It was the first day in a long time that i had a glimmer of hope!

Then later on in the day, from 4-5:30pm,

that's right, an hour and a half,

Marshall was on and off the potty (mostly on).

It was kinda heartbreaking though as he

was dripping and had started to pee a very small amount,

but he was upset :(

He was crying and bouncing around on the potty

as if he felt that when he was peeing,

he was doing something wrong.

He wanted hugs and i was doing that while he was

sitting there, and i kept trying to explain

to him that it was ok to go pee.

That was yesterday... and he ended up peeing in his diaper

5 minutes after 5:30pm when we went outside.

First thing this morning,

Marshall held it again.

But today, he seemed to have to go already by 9am.

He jumped around holding himself and saying

"peepee" countless times.

I tried to get him to come and sit but he wasn't having it.

Then half an hour later, he was willing to

sit on the potty, but it was short lived.

I was on the phone with my sister and telling her

about yesterday's potty experience

while Marshall was on and off sitting.

Then he starting 'leaking'.

He was freaking out standing all funny and

in panic mode.

He'd done this several times already and was always

willing to let me help him back on the potty quickly,

to not pee in the potty.

But this time was different!!!

I hung up with my sister so i could really focus with

Marshall and he was sitting there

like normal, looking around and getting himself

distracted by things in the room.

He wasn't scared or panicky like yesterday.

Then after a few minutes,

he paused and i heard a few drops (!!!!!!)

and then Marshall said, "pee"

and i quietly said, "yes, pee, good boy, more?"

and he focused again,

said "pee" again,

and then he let it out... HE PEEEEEEEEED!!!

It was a lot. lol.

It slipped through the seats and my feet were getting

splattered a bit

(gross yes, but the best reason EVER to have to wash my feet!!)

and i remained calm and waited

until he was completely done before i got super

excited!!!!!!

Marshall was happy and smiling and we called for

D to come over and get excited with us!

It was awesome.

There was no reward or toys laid out to bribe him...

as had been recommended, tried, and failed

in the past.

Marshall felt he had to go, and he went!

Our praise was enough for him :)

I got out Marshall's big boy undies and he picked the ones

he wanted to wear and then was adament

about putting them on himself.

Then Marshall ran over to the kitchen and grabbed

a bag of marshmellows and asked me, "mamellow"

to reward himself!! lol. crazy kid.

Yes son, you can eat all the marshmellows you want!!

Marshall has interupted

me twice in the past few minutes to go pee...

and i think he needs to do #2

and he is even working on that a bit it seems

when he's sitting on the potty!!

That will not be fun to clean up in underwear,

so here's to hoping we can continue to

have a super successful day

in the bathroom!

First day of Preschool

Today was Marshall's first day of preschool at ACS.

One word for how Marshall did today?

AWESOME!!

It was just an hour long class today with only half of the

kids, so really relaxed and Marshall got to

spend time getting to know Mary, his aide.

At NS Marshall wears the same shoes he

comes in the whole time,

so i thought he might fight the idea of changing

into inside-shoes at preschool.

Marshall walked up to the hangers and hung

up his backpack like a pro!

Then he sat down and helped me take off his

shoes and then he helped me put on his indoor shoes.

I was impressed.

We walked into the classroom and he was greeted by

Mary and his two teachers, Julie and Debbie.

They all came over to say hi to him and

he was all smiles.

A new place with a busy space that could be

very overwhelming... just like at the eye doctor,

but did Marshall freak out and scream the

whole time? No.

Positive attention from the staff was poured onto

Marshall as soon as we walked in the door

and M was completely receptive to it.

How simple and wonderful :)

Debbie showed Marshall a photocopied picture of

himself which Marshall held and looked at for

a bit, then he did as directed and moved it to the 'here'

spot on the felt board!

I had been waiting for him to either throw the thing

or refuse to let it go... but he surprised me and did neither!

They had playdoh set up at the table and a little

girl was already playing and making some candles

for the cake pan.

Marshall walked over and started to blow out

the candles... lol... and in that moment,

he won over everyones hearts!

haha.. ok, maybe not quite, but everyone "awww"ed at him :)

I got down to Marshall's level and he knew what i

was going to say and he beat me to it, "bye!"

Just like that.

I got my hug, my kiss, and my i love you

all with a smile on M's face.

He waved bye to me again as i left.

Easy peasy!!... this time anyways.

They had coffee in the lobby for the parents

but most of them left or went outside so their other

children could play on the playground.

I met a really nice lady named Heidi

who's husband is a somebody at that school. lol.

I can't remember his name or his position,

but he did speak at the New Parent evening i attended

a few weeks ago.

It was great to connect with Heidi whose children are

in the elementary school,

and who also has worked with children with Autism

a lot over the years.

I was just down the hall from Marshall's classroom and

i didn't hear one outburst.

After the hour was up i walked back to the preschool

room and Marshall was happy!!

The teachers and the aide all said that Marshall

did great!

Marshall said proper goodbyes to Mary and then

he came with me to his cubby area just outside

of the classroom and once again, helped me

with his shoe exchange.

I'm so excited to see how Marshall adapts and grows

in his environment at preschool.

What a great start to something new!!

You rock Abbotford Christian Preschool!

You rock Marshall Man!!!!!

Eye Appointment Disaster

This morning i took Marshall to a recommended eye doctor who is

"great with all kids and super great with Autistic children".

This quote did not come from one source,

it came from several,

and even from some whose actual kids have been there...

whose normal kids have been there.

Our experience this morning? A joke.

This is my personal opinion of course,

and i'm not going to name names as that is not what

this blog is about (unless it's in a praise fashion).

I don't get angry often.

I'm just not an angry natured person.

If i was, i would have had an earfull for the

people at the dr.'s office today, but that's not me.

It is fair to say that after this morning i am feeling

frustrated and disappointed.

So here it is.

Marshall's appointment was for 11:55am.

In past experience, i have not had to wait very long to get in to

see the eye doctor... unlike at the physicians office.

Marshall had Next Step at 1pm, so i was

pretty confident that his 20 minute appointment would

not conflict with M's school start time.

Marshall was happy to hold my hand

and to walk into the office, even though it was unknown to him.

Then when we got to the desk we had to wait

for the lady in front of us to finish.

There were 3 receptionists. A recent visit for myself showed

that 2 of the receptionists were helping incoming clients,

and the third dealt with the phone lines.

So i kinda felt ignored when the second lady just

kept staring at her computer.

Waiting is hard for Marshall,

but he is capable of waiting for a short amount of time.

His time was up.

Marshall started screaming... he wanted "up" and did not

understand what we were doing there and why we

had to wait. It's a large area with tile flooring. lol. Echo city.

He was loud. The place wasn't super full, but

people were peeking out of their doorways down the

hall to see who was murdering my son. lol.

The person in front of us finally wraps up whatever it is

she was doing up there,

and then the computer staring lady offered to help me...

just as the first one was becoming available.

Annoying.

So i go over to her area and i'm still holding Marshall,

trying to rock him to keep him calm.

The receptionist looks at me and tells me,

"I have hearing aids so when he yells it's like AHHH!"

and she puts her hands up to her head and shakes

it all crazy like.

Nice.

It's as if people don't think my head is going to blow,

like i can't hear how loud my son is.

I'm sorry that he is upset and that this is inconvenient for you.

Perhaps if you would've helped me sooner when it is

obvious my son is not happy,

you wouldn't be having blown ear drums!

Wait, if she has hearing aids, does that mean that they are already

blown? I have no idea. lol.

Ok, maybe i'm not being totally fair to her.

I possibly took her comment to the dark side. lol.

So she is asking me questions she had to enter into her computer

and Marshall keeps yelling so she can hardly hear

me and i can hardly hear myself.

Then she hands me a form i have to sign and another

piece of paper i need to fill out.

Marshall is reaching for the door and saying "car" but

will NOT let me put him down...

and i don't need him to scream any louder than he is already doing,

so i manage to kinda balance him on the desk while i sign

my name.

Then the receptionist told me i could sit down and fill out the

other paperwork while i waited.

Marshall sat with me and calmed down.

He even got off my lap to play a bit in the little play area.

Ahhhhh, quiet.

I gave back the paperwork to the desk and Marshall

was content to just sit around and play

with my phone, so things were settling down for him

and all was ok our world, for now.

Now, i have learned from past experiences,

that it is not a good idea to come early to

various appointments where waiting is required when it

involves Marshall.

Today, i was right on time.

So i expected Marshall would be seen fairly quickly

as we'd already been in the line for a while.

We waited.

And waited some more.

It was 12:20pm now, and i was starting to worry

that i wouldn't get out of there in time to get

Marshall to NS.

I asked the receptionist how much longer it would

be as i had somewhere else to be at 1pm and

i might have to reschedule this appointment

(this is how i try to sound annoyed without actually saying it!!).

She knew nothing.

So i waited another 5 mintues while she wandered around

and talked to someone, the dr. perhaps, i don't know.

Then she comes back and tells me that the Dr. is

running behind and should be out to see us in

about 5 mintues...

but that maybe we want to reschedule.

Are you kidding me?

I almost wished that Marshall had kept screaming that

whole time. They had to have known that the Dr.

was running a bit behind... a lot behind.

I was unimpressed.

I said that i would wait it out as i didn't want to have to come

back another day.

So i phoned NS to warn them that i would

most likely be late.

Then finally it was Marshall's turn.

It was 12:30pm.

The Dr. apologized for the wait and stated that

she had an emergency before us.

So there was an emergency and the staff wouldn`t have

informed me of that when i got there?

We walk into the Dr's room,

and it looks like a standard optomitrist room.

All the machines are within arms reach.

I guess i was out to lunch...

I thought that since this Dr. specialized in children,

that it would be a larger room with

techniques she could use to engage the children

in order to check their vision.

I never asked anyone, i suppose i should have.

The Dr. asked me to put Marshall on my lap

and to sit on the large chair.

Just like that.

Straight to 'work'.

The Dr. didn't talk to Marshall and barely even

acknowledged him.

I sat M on my lap and sat in the chair.

He was not happy.

He was reaching out to touch all of the equipment

and the Dr. says,

"Mommy needs to make sure there's no touching".

Seriously?

So now i am trying to kind of restrain M and he

is getting even more pissed off.

Then the Dr. asks when M was diagnosed

and asks if i have any concerns with M's

vision, which i do not, but that we thought we should

bring him in as his sister who is 2 years older

has been wearing glasses since age 2.

Marshall is still yelling and trying to get down during

this brief conversation.

Then, rather than trying to talk with Marshall or

engage with him in any way,

she puts on a slide show of pictures on the wall

and gives Marshall the remote to flick through

them.

Marshall is interested... for like 5 seconds,

at the images on the wall.

The Dr. asks me where his language is at

and i tell her that he's at a 1 year old level.

Then she sees the picture on the wall is

one of 101 Dalmations and she asks Marshall,

"Can you count the puppies?"

I said, "He can't count"...

which is mostly true. He can count to three

but would only do it if he could touch

the puppies and i guided him through it.

The Dr. replies,

"I know he can't, i was just trying to get

his attention to look at the photo."

What?

You were trying to "get his attention"

by asking him to do something he is incapable of doing?

Good efforts lady.

And what little boy wants to look at Snow White and some

super old school animals?

Marshall is often about figuring out how things work,

more than he is interested in actually playing with things.

This is an Autistic quality apparently...

although Daddy is a Millwright and is the same way :)

He was flicking the remote the Dr. gave him

repeatedly and quickly.

He didn't care about the photos, he was looking

behind him at the machine which was making noise

as it went through the pictures...

trying to figure it all out.

The Dr. says to me,

"Try to get him to slow down so he goes through the

slide show slowly."

Umm yeah.

Have you not noticed that he doesn't give a crap about

looking at your lame-ass pictures?

As Marshall is pushing the button as fast as he can

and looking all around the room,

the Dr. is flashing lights in his eyes and putting squeaky

toys in his face to get him to look at her.

Really?

It was so annoying... I was annoyed and ready to start

swatting all of it away.

Marshall was still trying to get down and yelling

during all of this.

Then the Dr. tried the yapping dog on the wall and

again, gave Marshall the controls!

HELLO~!!!!!!

Then the Dr. was asking me to show M how to turn it off

which i didn't even know how to,

Marshall was just so mad and screaming and you know what?

It was justified.

Scream away son, it won't work for Mommy

to start screaming, so you scream for both of us!!

Then the Dr. says to me after

our 4 mintues of maddness with her,

"He must be hungry and he looks tired,

we'll have to reschedule this appointment."

NO COMMENT.

The Dr. said that there were no concerns about M's vision

from what she could see and that we should try again in 6 months.

Unbelievable.

The whole experience was so disappointing.

Marshall has been doing so awesome

in every aspect lately.

Yes he was upset and overwhelmed when we

walked into the office that day,

but he calmed down... and stayed calm

for half an hour while we waited.

The Dr. didn't even try as far as i'm concerned.

Marshall is so receptive to any kind of attention

or interest in him...

Marshall cannot be blamed for what happened today.

His behaviour was off the charts, this is true.

But what else can i expect from him at this time

when the Dr. was being completely unrelatable to him?

It was SO chaotic in that small space

and the Dr. continued to grab her squeeky toys like M

was some kind of baby, or dog. lol.

It's not actually funny, but what can you do but laugh

in these kinds of situations?

The Dr. put everything away and M and i got off the chair.

Marshall stopped freaking out.

He didn't run down the halls yelling, he looked at me

calmly and said, "hand" as he held his out :)

I took it and we walked out of there in peace.

It was quite the night-and-day experience.

The appointment was so short that we still had time to drive

thru McD's for Marshall's favourite - cheeseburger and pop

before we went to Next Step.

Marshall had a great day at school!!

Miranda commented that Marshall really likes to figure out how

things work, and that he learns so quickly!

She said she just loves working with him.

:D Happy face.

What a stressful hour in my otherwise pleasant day!! Sheesh!

Goodbye Warren, Hello Miranda

Before i get started on the main topic of this post,

i must share with you our exciting news!!

I couldn't hold it in so you facebookers

already know...

that the extra contract funding we were hopeful

to get for an aide for Marshall for preschool

has been approved!!! Yahoo!

It works out well for us as the other family who's son is involved

already has someone that they'd like to hire

so Marshall can have the aide assigned to him,

the aide that everyone seems to love and admire :)

Both Karen and Melissa were so happy on the

phone when they called yesterday.

I love when others can share in your joy with you!

So now my worried soul can rest. lol.

I actually wasn't that worried anymore.

I just gave it back to God in Faith and knew that there was a

plan in all of this that would become clear in time.

Well, look how God took care of it when i gave it

to Him!! Too bad it's not so easy all the time ;)

Anyways, i am happy.

And i know now in confidence that Marshall will succeed...

and that's a good feeling.

*******************************************

I have mentioned Marshall's interventionist, Warren,

throughout the past month as he's been working together

with Marshall at Next Step.

We love him.

Marshall has bonded so well with Warren and it brings me

such joy to watch Marshall's face (and Warren's)

light up when they see eachother every morning.

Warren is only a summer relief worker...

and summer is over :(

Marshall's progress has been so amazing at Next Step

and of course, Warren has played a big role in that.

It is sad that we had to say goodbye to him today.

And it makes me really sad to know that

Marshall doesn't understand that today was a different

kind of goodbye... it was not a 'see you later' kind

of goodbye.

When i bring M into his classroom each day, he comes with

me to hang up his backpack and he is constantly

looking past me towards the door,

waiting to see his friend

walk through the door.

Once he sees him, he is so happy!!

This past week especially.

M starts 'talking' away super excitedly and he is all

eager to say goodbye to me and to start his day with Warren.

I'm a little scared for next week.

On Tuesday Marshall will start with Miranda,

who from what i can tell, is great also.

But she's not Warren.

Marshall will be looking for a face that will not come

through that door... and he will be sad...

and then i'll be sad.

It will be an adjustment for both of us.

And i know it will be ok

after Marshall catches on...

but will he have a sense of abandonment?

Jeepers i hope not.

Awwww...

I'm getting sad already.

ANYWAYS....

Miranda will be great and Marshall will love her the same in time.

Today we brought a photo i took of Warren and Marshall

that i took yesterday, along with a thank-you card

that D helped color.

Warren is leaving for Korea on a 1 year contract

to teach English as a second language.

He is a good guy.

Warren will bless many other children and families

with his caring heart, i am sure of it.

What an awesome first step at Next Step!!

We have been blessed to have Warren be a part of the

beginning of Marshall's journey with Autism.

Thank you Warren.

I've sent the link to this blog along with the card,

but i'm not sure if Warren is as in love with

us as we are with him. lol.

If you do chose to stop in and see how your little buddy is

doing Warren, I'd like to say Thank you, again,

for everything.