My way or the highway!!

Control.

We all want it.

Sometimes we feel like the world will come to an end

if we don't have a firm grip on it.

Marshall likes control too.

And these days i'm a bit lost as to what to do about it.

A lot of it is based around his independence.

A few months back when Marshall

seemed really motivated to dress himself,

he'd yell and scream at me if i tried to help him pull

his shirt over his head, or his pants up.

I knew he was just trying to figure things out...

he is still doing this now,

and sometimes he can't figure it out...

but sometimes he will ask for help.

Then i will go to help him and he will get angry

and yell, "no thank-you!"...

as he continues to get frustrated.

What do you do?

He wants a cheese string, he's excited to eat it,

he wants to open it.

He understands that he needs to separate the plastic at

one end in order to peel it open, and he's trying, and he's close,

but he just can't get it, or not quickly enough.

He is getting frustrated

and so i (or my mom as this is often the snack on our weekly

dinner at my parents place)

will offer to help him.

Same scenario as above...

he will say "help" or "open (p)lease"

and once we put our hand out to help him,

he freaks out and starts yelling "no thank you!"

But he wants it open, badly, and now.

It's so confusing for me

as well as for anyone in these scenarios.

So what ends up happening?

He will sometimes figure it out himself.

Other times, he won't, and it's maddness

and screaming and frustration...

and with dressing i end up just pulling his shirt over his head

as he yells at me, or with the cheese string

i end up ripping it

out of his hand to quickly start the opening process for him...

again, while he's yelling and jumping

and it's this chaotic time of crazy!

If i end up pulling his shirt over, sometimes he

just finishes the job and is ok...

and other times, he is so angry that i helped him,

even though he wanted it, needed it in that moment,

that he will either rip his shirt off completely

and run around in a rage,

trying to start over and do it all himself.

With the cheese, once he sees it has been opened even slightly,

sometimes he will just finish opening it and is ok,

other times he will want a new cheese string,

an unopened one...

and often he'll start crying as he stands there trying

to put the opened package back together so he can

do it himself.

*sigh

It can be very frustrating.

And this is every day.

But lately it's with different things.

He has mastered getting himself dressed most days,

even his socks! He really wanted to do his

own buttons on some pj's my mom made for him

for Christmas. He would let me help him

as he watched intently, and i'd let him pull the button

through once we'd lined up the hole.

But each time, he'd try on his own first.

Well, he can now do up, and undo the buttons on

his pajamas all on his own!

His sister just learned to do

buttons last year, and that is because i made her learn. lol.

Marshall is so stinking motivated - it is such a blessing

and very unheard of in the Autism world.

Hopefully he continues to be this determined his whole life.

I'm sure M's OT at NSAP will be impressed to hear

of his button accomplishment :)

So, back to Marshall's need for control.

At NSAP before Christmas,

Marshall's teacher told me that M was having some

real anxiety about the exercise balls,

you know those large yoga type balls?

Autism is so strange sometimes...

Marshall has played with these balls in the past,

in fact, we have one at home that he's played

with and had fun with, but has been in the

shed after last summer for storage.

He'd played with the balls at NS on several occaisions,

but now, all of a sudden, without any obvious

thing happening that would trigger a sudden fear,

Marshall was crying and screaming like he was

scared whenever his teacher would try to

play with him using the balls.

Weird right?

Marshall's teacher was telling me about this and how

it was becoming such a problem that they were

going to be creating a social story for them.

What is the deal Marshall? I was confused

and wanted to see for myself what was happening.

So Miranda went over to the balls and picked one

of them up and then called to M asking if

he wanted to play with one.

I couldn't believe my eyes (or ears-lol).

Marshall started screaming and crying and jumping

and really just freaking out... having a complete meltdown

over this ball. He ran over to Miranda and took it

from her, while still crying and screaming,

and was yelling "no!" and "back!"

He ran to the corner where the balls belong and he

put it back in the pile.

And then he came for cuddles to calm down.

wow.

It was super intense and so strange at the same time.

hmmm....

Miranda went on to tell me that not only is he

having a problem playing with the balls,

but he doesn't want any of the other kids to play with them either.

He keeps a watchful eye on that corner of the room

and if anyone even walks close to that area,

he starts losing it.

So obviously Marshall overcoming his fear,

if that's what it even is? of the balls became something

that they worked on at NS.

It took a week or so, but now Marshall is playing

with the balls and allowing for others to as well...

and we will never know exactly what the fuss was

even all about.

It's as if for that short time,

he needed to control everything to do with those balls,

and if that was even close to being disrupted,

it was more than he could handle.

Having strange fears can be an autism related thing.

Marshall has not displayed a lot of this over the years,

but i do remember about a year ago when

Marshall was suddenly incredibly scared of

the light fixture in the kitchen.

If we'd pick him up near it, he'd duck down

and bury himself in us.

If you tried to lift him towards it,

he'd bend farther towards the ground and yell.

I kept asking my husband if he was sure

that he hadn't thrown M into it or something. lol.

But nothing had happened, at least nothing

visible to us, and so it was just unexplained.

And like everything, the fear passed

and now he will reach up and try to touch it if we

are near it. No biggy.

Just strange.

On a daily basis, there is a battle going on here.

And right now, i'm mostly just catering to

Marshalls demands.

Mostly they revolve

around him wanting control, but also around independence.

For example:

About two months or so ago, Marshall decided that

he wanted to carry his food to the table

from the kitchen.

It was great!

He would take his plate or bowl

while balancing his food and bring it to the table to eat.

Nothing wrong with that right?!

Now, Marshall wants to do it...

but he always wants to do it.

If it is something tricky to carry and i go ahead

and place it at the table and call him to come.

Once he sees that i've brought it to

the table, he freaks out and starts yelling "back!"

I will say, "It's ok Marshall, just come and eat."

But that's not good enough...

or he's too mad to listen to me, who knows.

He will continue to yell until i pick up the

plate and all i have to do is take 5 steps into the kitchen

area, and then he is happy to take it from me

and bring it to the table himself.

If i don't pick up the plate,

he will eventually go to the table, grab it,

and carry it to the kitchen counter.

He'll wait 5 seconds while he stares at the plate

before he picks it back up and carries it back to the table.

It's quite OCD if you ask me.

Marshall has not been diagnosed with that,

and i'm not sure he has it or is doing enough of it

to call it a label... for now anyways.

Marshall will do this with his drink also,

which i sometimes only get for the kids once their

sitting and eating their lunch.

I will walk over to the table with Marshall yelling at me

cause he wants to do it, but i want him to stay

sitting during eating time.

I have realized now though, that if i just hand the cup

to Marshall while he's already sitting

and allow for him to place it on

the table, that's good enough for him.

I am catering to it, i know this,

and it's not because i'm weak or choosing not to fight,

it's simply because i'm not sure where

the line is with this issue being about M seeking independence...

or just control?

I do prompt him to ask me nicely

rather than yelling at me,

which he does most of the time.

For now, it's just frustrating, and M will start doing this

with something new out of nowhere.

He had a cold recently and he'd call me to wipe his

runny nose by saying "nose!"

I'd grab a tissue and take care of the problem,

and that'd be it.

Then after day 4 of doing this without any issues,

i went to grab a kleenex out of the box

and Marshall lost it.

He started screaming "no! back!" once i realized

he wanted to pull the kleenex out himself,

i put it back and he came over and did it.

And all was calm.

And for the rest of the day, he had to pull out the

kleenex. I get it, it's a neat concept... the kleenex box.

But then the next day, when i stood back as he

yelled out "nose" to me so he could get the

kleenex, he was mad that i wasn't getting it to wipe him.

Let's just say, i am often stumped. lol.

Marshall has decided that he

needs to get out of the van first when we get home.

This started a few months ago when

he suddenly took interest in the newspapers arrival

on our door step.

He wanted to be the one to see the paper first

and then carry it in the house for me.

There is not a paper daily,

so that was a bit of an obstacle initially,

but it's now ok to say "no paper today, maybe tomorrow"

without a meltdown.

D is really good and is ok to let Marshall

get out of the van first, even though they get out of the same door

which is on her side.

There is room in the van for her to move out of the way

as Marshall plows past her to open the door.

If i reach back and unbuckle his sister first,

Marshall starts screaming

and clawing at his seatbelt all frantic to get it off.

Even though D always lets him get out first,

even if i unbuckle her first,

he still goes into panic mode each and every time.

Here is one place where i won't cater and unbuckle him

first... just because i think he can learn that

D has kindness and will allow for him

to get excited about the possiblitiy of a newspaper

on the doorstep, regardless if she is let loose first or not.

Ok, so i have given you plenty of examples

of the daily challenges we have going on

around here.

I don't know if i'm doing the right thing with Marshall.

It's something i'm going to need to ask

more people about.

I just don't know if me not allowing for some of these things

to take place

(example: carry his food each time, let D get out first...

and there are many others not mentioned)

will benefit Marshall or not.

I do understand that order and sequence is something

that kids with Autism really take to.

And for right now, it's not really harming anyone

to adjust things to make Marshall happy...

if i can figure out what it is that he wants to happen exactly.

M and his sister share a room,

and all of their toys are on the one wall.

Marshall has decided that the toys belong in their

designated place, and they cannot be taken

down to be played with.

This is a definite problem.

I will fight him half of the time when his sister

is the one who wants to play with these things,

but he does get very angry and as though

his brain cannot funtion without these toys staying in their place.

So it's hard to not put things back

to get him to a place of calm and hopefully, reasoning.

Maybe i should be going in there and

rearranging the toys every other day

so there isn't a perfect home for everything? I dunno. lol.

But is 'catering' going to make Marshall

want to control

more things surrounding him if i keep allowing the things

that we have already decided we will cater to?

Or will he let other things go because i

let him control the ones that he really wants/needs to?

Is this going to be a problem that starts to affect

his ability to learn?

I just want to get into Marshalls head.

Anyways...

This post has been more of a rant than anything.

But i needed to share.

There will be some kind of positive results from

all of this at some point.

Often i wait to blog once a situation has come full circle.

Well, this time, i'm just laying it out there.

I will seek advice and help with all of these control issues

before it becomes too overwhelming.

Right now, it is what it is and i'm not too stressed

out about it.

I trust that at some point in Marshall's life

he will understand that God is in control,

and hopefully he can find some peace in that.

Reflecting 2011

I wanted to do a more detailed post about Christmas and

all of the family gatherings we attended,

but we are now almost mid January

and i am over it. lol.

All in all, Marshall did SO well.

We had several family gatherings in unfamiliar places

with tons of people and Marshall did great.

I was blessed in December

by an annonymous giver from my church

who was moved by what i shared with my church

in my Thanksgiving post.

2 gift cards:

one for PC and the other for the

Wild Orange Spa.

I am looking forward to spoiling myself with a

professional massage... although i'm kinda scared

as i've never had one, but mostly excited!

The support and love i have felt, we have felt as a family

over this past year has really blown us away.

What a crazy year 2011 has been.

A rollercoaster.

Going from not knowing why M was struggling,

to getting the diagnosis of Autism,

to daily intervention and therapy,

to seeing the best come out in my son.

To being proud of who he is and

of how much he has grown.

To stand tall with my head held high

as i see his motivation and determination to not let

this thing we call Autism, hold him back.

He will do amazing things in his life....

i mean, he's already transformed mine!

Life is much more day to day for me now.

I've always thought that it was my purpose to be a Mom,

to raise, guide, teach and love my kids

and to show them what it means to live in Christ.

I never thought it was my purpose to

face the challenges of a child with special needs.

But God gave it to me,

He entrusted me with it...

He believes in me.

That's pretty cool, and i'm honored actually.

It's always been said that it takes someone

special to work with anyone with special needs,

well, that's me now, i'm special :)

I married a man who already had a daughter,

and 10 years ago i thought that although

it was not an ideal situation to get invovled in,

that God had purpose there.

I believed that He felt i was strong enough,

had faith enough, to be a stepmother...

to be a loving, stable person in this childs life,

to show her God's love.

I thought that this was going to be my challenge in life.

When Marshall was 3 months old,

his sister D who was not quite 2 years old

had a couple of seizures

that landed us in the Children's hospital

for 4 days in isolation with many tests...

that all came back with no results.

I wondered at that time,

what D's future was going to look like?

Were seizures going to stick with her and effect every part

of her life? I prayed that it wouldn't...

but i knew that God had a plan that was purposeful,

and i still trust that.

Last Spring we tried to wean D off her medication

and her seizures appeared again :(

We are so thankful that the small dose that she is

currently taking is enough to keep the seizures

under control.

But we now know that she does have Epilepsy.

There's still a chance that she will grow out of it,

but who knows.

Two months after finding out that D definitely has Epilepsy,

we got the diagnosis of Autism for Marshall.

It's a lot to take in, right?

Well, it felt like a lot...

and there were also some extremely stressful things

going on with my stepdaughter and her mother

at that time as well.

I have always believed that

God won't give you more than you can handle.

Well, honestly, i had a lot of doubt in this

promise in dealing with so many things at the same time...

and they were all BIG things.

I remember just laughing and saying this promise to my

family each and every time something else would

make it's way onto my plate.

All of these circumstances

made all of the other stresses that i'd complained

about, felt burdened down with at times in my

life feel like peanuts.

I was almost shameful of how much i had complained in my

heart in years past.

Before my husband, i dated a guy for 4 years

through highschool.

I thought it was love, meant to be.

But when it ended and i thought back to it,

i thought it wasn't fair to say that i thought i loved him

and that he was 'the one' but now i didn't love him anymore

Rather, i like to say that

I loved him as much as i knew love to be

at that time in my life.

It wasn't until i met my now husband,

that this came to me.

And it was only because Danny showed me a love

and a relationship surrounding communication

that i fully understood what love is.

I can use this thought to relate to my faith and

to what it truely means to trust the Lord.

I thought i'd been doing this my whole life...

until it all crumbled down around me

and all i really had left was faith.

Life gets really simple when you stop thinking

and trying to plan and shape your future. lol.

I am happy to say that through all of this,

although there were some very low points for me,

majority of the time i held my head high and i held on to

God more than i ever have.

When you are that broken down,

what else do you have but faith and trust in the God who

has carried you to this point?

Giving up or turning from Him was not an option for me.

God is too instilled in me and i'm too smart for that ;)

Leading up to Christmas, a lot of the heavy issues

surrounding my stepdaughter and her mother came to rest.

D is back on her medication and doing awesome in every way.

Marshall is a very busy 3.5 year old, but he is thriving

and i am constantly referring back to 6 months

ago when Marshall was so hard to handle.

I cannot believe how far he's come in such a short

amount of time... it gives me such peace that

he will be ok.

As i just typed that last sentence, it struck me that

i have never thought like this with

my daughters.

My hopes and dreams for them far exceed 'ok'.

With Marshall, i just can't see his future yet.

For him, ok is wonderful...

for now anyways.

I am at peace with knowing this.

In my reflecting, i have thought to my future,

and to how i can see myself sharing

2011 with others, how

"it was the hardest year of my life".

But i have to stop myself from thinking that,

because although it feels like the only place we can

go is up from here, that may not be God's plan

for us!!! Perhaps things are going to get harder...

oh Dear God, please not!!! lol.

Anyways, life will continue to move forward

in 2012 and i am excited to take on the

challenges that God presents

and to rejoice in the times where we realize,

time and time again,

just how truely blessed we are,

how blessed I am.

Happy New Year! or rather,

Blessed New Year :)

Christmas Performances

This was Marshall's first year being a part of Christmas

performances, and he was a part of two!

On the last day of preschool,

Marshall's class had a party where the parents

were invited.

My husband took the day off as both of

the little kids had Christmas performaces during school hours

and on the same day, so it worked out well.

The kids had been practicing Christmas songs

for weeks, but of course, Marshall

does not have the language to tell

me about anything he does at school.

I pick up on some things based on the crafts he brings

home, or Mary his aide will inform me.

Marshall did give me a little taste of

his singing when i brought home

a hair elastic with bells on it for his sister to wear.

He started shaking the bells and belting out,

"Jingle bells, Jingle bells, Jingle all the way!

Oh... fun.... ....... sleigh, HEY!!!"

LOL.

I was shrieking with excitment when he first did this!

It was so cool to hear,

and also, i've never heard him string that many

words together!

(We phoned several family members so he could sing it to them!

He is really into talking on the phone lately :))

I mentioned to Marshall's teacher Mrs. K that M

had sung some of Jingle Bells at home and

she had stated that "if he sings half as loud

during the performance as he does in practice,

it will be awesome!"

Well, the day of the performance came

and Marshall participated in everything...

but he kept pretty silent through it.

He did all of the actions and

seemed to really enjoy it all,

and he did shout out "HEY!" with his arm raised

during the appropriate time during Jingle Bells :)

After the singing time,

there were crafts set up at a few tables

which Marshall enjoyed as well.

After coffee/juice and some snacks,

the parents were free to leave.

Danny and I were talking with a couple of the parents

as well as the teachers and were the last

ones to leave.

One of the teachers commented on how well Marshall did

how very often, the families with

Special Needs kids are the first to leave

as these situations can be overwhelming for the child...

and look at us, the last ones to leave :D

Marshall had a great time as did we.

One of the Moms approached me at the craft table

and said that her daughter talks about Marshall often.

This made me happy.

Another time this morning, Miss Mary pointed out

this same little girl and said that the two

often play really well together. Awww.

Making friends is often difficult for children with Autism,

and look at Marshall, making a friend.

So sweet.

The second Christmas performance Marshall was to be involved

in is the one that we do at our church.

They have been practicing Sunday mornings since

October. There were a lot of songs for the kids to learn,

and then acting parts in between each song that

were done by some of the older kids.

I took Marshall into the practice area

several times, and he would scream and run out as soon

as we'd set foot in the room.

I wasn't going to force it as who knows what the heck

he would do on stage anyways.

Then we had our turn with the cd at home

a few weeks ago so his sister

could practice the songs.

By the end of the week, Marshall was really into a few of the

songs. He was dancing and doing some of the actions

as well as singing a little bit!!

So, the following Sunday, i took him into practice again

and he walked right up to the group of kids

and found his spot!

I sat in during the practice and M was actually participating

for one of the songs where there are a lot of

actions. After that song he was done and

came over to me and we left the practice.

The following Sunday my parents took the kids to church

and my sister told me that M stayed in the practice the whole

time! Ok, so what will he do during the real deal??

The Sunday before the Christmas play

they had a rehersal on the stage.

I decided to take Marshall to this to better gauge

whether or not he could be on the stage

during the live performance.

Ideally i would love to see him up there of course,

but if he was creating problems or being too

distracting, i felt i needed to respect everybody else involved

and pull him out.

Well, Marshall was eager and went on the stage

with the other kids. He kinda participated

doing some of the actions,

but he often just stood there or turned around,

or looked up at the spot lights squinting and what not.

During the times when the kids sit down

was where most of the problems arose

as Marshall could not keep quiet.

He kept talking and jammering and we were

constantly shushing him.

Near the end of the play, the kids all move to the back

of the stage so that one of the children can do back

flips and hand springs and such.

Well, Marshall thought this was a cool idea,

so when he saw her doing it,

he got on the floor in the middle of the stage and started

doing his own gymnastic routine! lol.

It was pretty funny, and i thought the audience

might enjoy it, but really, it was a big hazard

to have M up there with her doing her tricks...

and the Director didn't seem to fond of the

idea of having M rolling around on the stage. lol.

I tried to get him to stay in line with the kids but that concept

was lost on him.

SOOOO....

after practice i decided that i would not put him on stage at all.

He was too loud during the speaking parts

which would really take from the story.

But now that i'd allowed him to go on the stage with the kids

for rehearsal, was he going to sit nicely in the

audience and just observe Sunday morning? Hmmm... doubtful,

but i thought we'd just have to try it and see.

I talked to a few family members as well as some church

friends about how i was going to keep M from

being a part of the play.

Everyone said to me that they wanted to see Marshall up

there and that i should put him up there.

I wanted to, but i didn't want him to ruin it.

Dilemma.

Church started and during the Directors intro,

Marshall had to go pee.

So i took him out of church to the washroom

which i thought might actually work out well as Marshall

would not see all of the kids enter the stage and be

screaming that he'd want to go too.

We came out of the washroom and the kids were singing

on stage. As we walked down the stairs

towards the front of the chapel where we were sitting,

Marshall kept looking at me saying, "sing".

Yikes, well, lets try to sit down.

I guided him into our row of seats and he didn't want to

sit down... he kept pointing to the stage saying SING!

I said "no no" a few times and he came to me.

Then the kids moved onto the next song,

Marshall's favourite song with all the dancing in it.

Marshall was asking and asking to sing

and i looked over at my husband and asked if i should let him

go up there and he shrugged.

So i let him out of the row and he very slowly crept up to

the stage. He ran across the front of it to the stairs on

the other side. I waited to see what exactly he

was going to do.

Well, he walked up the stairs and across the stage to where

the kids were dancing... i knew the WHOLE chuch had

their eyes on my son. I sat in my seat waiting

for what was to come too!

Marshall paused in his spot on the stage

and the broke into the dance routine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was HILARIOUS!!!!!

The whole church was laughing and Marshall was

having a blast up there smiling and dancing away.

My husband and I were laughing as well.

Goodness Marshall, you are not shy!!

Tears were running down my face i was laughing so hard...

and then as the laughter calmed down i was confused

at how many tears i was having to wipe away still,

and the i realized,

i'm crying.

There were a lot of emotions flowing through me

and i was just so proud of my little guy up there

just being himself with the love of our church

behind him.

The title of the play is called The Christmas Star,

and Marshall was definitely a Star :)

If you are facebook friends with me, you can

go to my wall and watch the 2 minute video my

brother in law took of Marshall's moment of fame!

I've watched it at least 20 times already. lol.

Marshall sat down with the kids when the song was over

and as the audience clapped (mostly for M i'm sure),

Marshall clapped happily as well.

It was a pretty amazing moment for Marshall,

one i'll never forget.

I couldn't believe it, but when all the kids sat down

during the acting parts, M did too, and he was actually quiet!!

I came down to the front so i could grab him if i needed

to, but he did pretty good for a while.

There was a handheld mike that needed to be used by

the girl standing beside Marshall for an upcoming solo.

The director, not really thinking about it,

laid the microphone down in the garland on the stage

right near this girl... and Marshall.

Well, Marshall stopped singing and moving and he went into

a total zone.... he did not take his eyes off of the mike!! lol.

The laughter in the audience as we all waiting in anticipation,

was contaigeous. It was a growing laughter which

is the best kind in my opinion.

I sat on edge, waiting at any moment to jump up and grab

him... but he just stood there staring. lol.

Then he got distracted and the director handed the mike

to the little girl without M noticing.

But then shortly after, he saw that the mike was now in her

hands. He turned his body toward

her and just stared at that mike in her hands.

Everyone was laughing.

I just laughed and watched him.

He reached out once for it but retracted. lol.

Then, of course right when she was supposed to start her solo,

Marshall reached for it, grabbed it, and attempted to

pull it away from her! oh no!!

I jumped up and grabbed it from him and gave it back to her

and then pulled Marshall off the stage.

I felt terrible, i still feel terrible.

The little girl missed her cue and ended up coming in late

for her solo :(

The mike was not turned on so it made me feel a bit better

knowing that the solo wouldn't have been heard either way,

but still.

I went over to her parents right after the program was over

and apologized and they brushed it off saying that it was

totally fine. But i'm sure they were just being nice.

*sigh, what can you do?

I kept Marshall off of the stage after that,

although he really fought me to get on there during the

gymnastic routine. lol.

After church was over, i think every little group gathered

throughout the church had Marshall

as the topic of conversation. Pretty cool.

Many people approached me to say how happy they were

to see M on the stage and how sweet and

memorable he made this Christmas.

A great memory for sure.

Marshall, you are our STAR!!

I will post more about Christmas events we took part

in this year, but most likely after Christmas is over.

So i'd like to wish you and your family a very

MERRY CHRISTMAS

from our home to yours.

Blessing to you all!

Hellos and Goodbyes at NSAP

In my last meeting with NS,

a couple of months ago,

Marshall's goodbyes were right on track and we had listed

that we needed to work on getting Marshall

to say an appropriate "hi" to his interventionist upon arrival

of school.

They have been doing this by coming right up to him

at the door frame and repeatedly saying hi to M

right down at his level until he looks at them

and then greets them with some type of hello,

before he could enter the room.

Marshall is a quick learner,

so after a couple of days of this routine,

M would actually wait at the door when they

would forget to purposefully greet him,

until one of them looked over and then he'd say

his hello and enter the room.

It seemed he'd mastered this.

The past week or so, he isn't saying hello anymore

and they aren't enforcing it...

perhaps just simply because we thought it was mastered,

i'm sure it will come up in conversation in the New Year.

Marshall walks into the classroom now and

become absorbed by his surroundings...

actually, i think this all started when they put their

Christmas tree up.

Marshall loves Christmas trees, and he says it

pretty clear to.

There's so much to look at and of course, all of the pretty

lights... at school, he flocks in that direction each time.

What has become an issue at NSAP

(Next Step Autism Program)

are Marshall's goodbyes.

At the end of Marshall's day his interventionist

will help him get his jacket and backpack on,

and the parents wait in the hallway for

the kids to come out.

The classroom is right near the outside door.

So what was happening was that if i was there

early and Marshall came out of the classroom,

he'd call out "Mommy!" and come over to me for

a big hug. I'd greet him and then talk to his

interventionist about how his day was.

Marshall would be eager to go outside and to the car,

so he'd run over to the door and wait impatiently for me

to finish talking.

Since August when Marshall

started this program, we'd been asking M to say goodbye

to his teacher shortly after saying hello to me.

Sometimes he would say it easily, and other times

we'd really have to prompt him to do so.

There are times when i am not early and Marshall

comes out into the hallway and waits for me.

Then when i enter he runs to the door for me

and then i try to get him to say goodbye.

Well, for whatever reason, Marshall was being

incredibly stubborn about saying goodbye

to his teachers the past month or so.

Also, because there was no goodbye plan really in place,

both Carla and Miranda were dealing with goodbyes

differently, which obviously would be

confusing for Marshall.

Carla took more of an aggressive role and was more

adament that Marshall say goodbye properly than

Miranda who would try but would accept an attempt

rather than wait for a full on eye contact goodbye with words.

I was becoming frustrated with goodbyes and there

were many times where i would somewhat restrain

Marshall in order to force him to acknowledge his

teacher with a goodbye.

Now, I don't mind restraining my son with my hands,

as you already know...

there are times where it is for his own benefit to calm him down

and to realize that one thing needs to happen before the

next thing can happen, such as him putting on his

shoes and jacket before he sees the fish at preschool.

I only had to do it a few times for him to realize that

he needs to follow my routine and not his own.

Back to NS and goodbyes...

A couple of weeks ago, i was a minute or so late to

pick Marshall up.

I walked across the parking lot to the glass doors

only to see Carla with both hands on Marshall,

restraining him in the corner by the door

trying to get him to say goodbye to her.

Marshall had seen me through the glass and was

screaming for me.

I didn't like it, not one bit.

The whole scenario was upsetting to me.

Once i opened the door,

i didn't know what to do.

There had been a few times kind of like this already,

where i wasn't sure if they wanted me to make M

say goodbye, or if they wanted him to acknowledge their

prompting. So in this scenario, when it started

before i even got there, it kinda pissed me off to be honest.

It was upsetting to me.

I got down to Marshall's level and let Carla continue to

restrain him, not sure if i should take over like i

wanted to, or to stand back watching my son

reach out for me, calling to me, and just stare back at him.

Well, in that chaotic moment, i just went along

with Carla and told Marshall (begged him with my eyes)

to just say goodbye to Carla.

Eventually Marshall did say goodbye and then bolted

into my arms crying.

That was hard... for both of us.

Now, i don't want to make Carla out to be some kind of bully

or meany or whatever... she's not.

Even in her restraint, she continued to smile

at Marshall in her prompting and her voice was not

super stern or anything like that.

They have many kids in their program who are all

different. In talking with Miranda i realize that not

only are the kids each individuals in their common label

of Autism, but each parent is different as well.

This scenario of goodbyes wasn't pleasant for me,

and i wasn't sure what i wanted to change at first,

but it was the first time that i really questioned

their methods... but in all fairness,

there was no plan in place for this scenario.

I came home that night and talked to my husband about

it and i had already decided that the next day

i was going to bring this topic up.

I do understand that Marshall

needs to learn to say appropriate goodbyes when

leaving, i don't fight that.

But i would prefer it if I was the one to make him do it,

if I was the one to hold onto him and force it.

So the next day i took Marshall to school

and he had Miranda that day, so we chatted for a bit.

Ironically, both Miranda and Carla had already

talked about the goodbye situation and

she started to talk to me about it first.

I told her that i was just going to mention that i wanted

there to be consistancy so we were all on

the same page.

I then explained to Miranda that i was uncomfortable

with the way Carla was in Marshall's face

while restraining him for a goodbye, and how

from now on i'd prefer it if i took the reigns and controlled

that scenario.

Miranda stated that it is always great to talk with the

parents as each parent is different.

She said that many parents in this situation would

want the interventionist to be firm with their

child. Well, i guess i'm not like most... and i'm ok with that.

I left that conversation feeling good.

Miranda acknowleged my request and said she

would pass it onto Carla and did not state that me taking

over was of any concern to Marshall's well being

or anything like that.

That day, Janel (she runs the NSAP and is also a BI)

was seeing Marshall for a review.

When i came to pick Marshall up she wanted to chat.

She had talked to Miranda

and she had some thoughts of her own on the goodbyes.

She's the boss there and i do value her thoughts

and opinions.

She told me that she understood that i was upset with

the way the goodbyes were being handled.

She asked me,

"Are you going to be there Marshall's whole life to make

him say goodbye?"

I stated that no, i wouldn't, but that no one else would

ever get in Marshall's face and restrain him until he

said goodbye either,

and i felt that that was just as valid of a point.

I said that only in this program will M have forced

goodbyes, so i thought that my scenario

of me controlling it would serve a better purpose

across the board for Marshall right now.

Janel didn't really argue my point.

She understood that there is a lot of chaos at the door

and that Marshall is always very eager to see me,

so her new plan was that the interventist would

ask Marshall to say his goodbyes to them at the coat

rack, before leaving the classroom

and that they would gradually say goodbye

closer and closer to the door.

This worked for me, so it was the plan.

The next day, Marshall said goodbye to his teacher without

a fight at the coat rack, and then when he

comes out of the door and sees me, it's

only happiness :D

I still encourage him to say goodbye again to his teacher,

as that is the long term goal,

and often he does very naturally and with a smile.

Reflecting on it now,

i'm sure that Marshall just knowing that he was going

to be forced to say goodbye at the door,

started fighting it before we even started to prompt him.

It's been about a week or so and the new plan working well :)

Now, another issue that was

arising, possibly due to the harshness of the goodbye

at the door with his teachers, Marshall has been

requesting extra hugs and kisses from me when i am

leaving him at school.

It's not that he doesn't want me to leave, he loves school

and his teachers are awesome.

I have no doubts in their methods when i'm not there,

and daily i am getting reports of Marshall having a

great day :)

I recommend this program to everyone i come into contact with!

Slight sidetrack, but i don't want you to think

that i have doubts about Marshall being in their care.

I am happy that any issues that do arise are

being talked about and that i am included

in every conversation

to ensure that Marshall moves in the right direction :)

Back to my story...

We have always had one embrace goodbye

and then Marshall excitedly waves and says goodbye to

me as i walk out the door.

For whatever reason,

about a month or so ago, Marshall has started

calling out "hug!" and running after me as i walk out the door.

As a parent, how can you deny that?!!

So i'd give him his extra request for love before i'd leave.

His teachers had not been saying that this wasn't

something that i should be doing, so it became the new

routine for Marshall.

But, after a few weeks of doing this, i guess Marshall was

becoming upset after i'd leave and was saying that he

wanted "mommy - hug" and sometimes even getting

upset about it. So now it was a problem.

So Janel talked to me in the same conversation

about how Marshall and i can have as many hugs and kisses

as we need for one embrace, or rather, in one spot,

but that once i got up to walk out the door,

that we would break the cycle of M coming for more hugs.

I joked about how they were asking me to deprive my son

of love! lol. But i understand and accept that it

was affecting his play and learning for a period

of time after i leave, and that it needed to stop.

Janel stated that i should continue to walk

out the door when Marshall requests,

which i did, and M understood very quickly

and adjusted well to this.

Marshall's teacher would state,

"Mommy will come back for more hugs and kisses later"

and that was always nice to hear them say

as i turn my back on my son, it made it easier for

those couple of days.

After just a few times of following through with walking away,

i am now able to look back and wave and shout i love yous

back to Marshall without him running after me,

which is what we were doing before the extra hugs

started.

So, with a little adjusting to Marshall's routine,

we have given M more opportunities to succeed,

which makes me happy,

and Marshall is happier knowing what is expected of him too :)

On a different topic...

During my conversation with Janel that day,

she said to me,

"I understand you have a blog about Marshall?"

This threw me off as i haven't told any of the staff

about this blog! I responded with, "Yes, how do you

know that?" and all Janel said was that

she has her sources, as she laughed.

Then Janel proceeded to ask me if it would be ok

if she sent the link to my blog to a family in the

program who was struggling with the Autism diagnosis of their child.

Wow. I felt quite honored and humbled.

I told her that of course, this blog is for anyone who

wants to come along in our journey, and

that she could pass it on to anyone who might benefit

from reading it.

Thinking about this afterwards, it really made me happy.

It is in large part due to my Faith that i have a

positive spin (for the most part) on this whole Autism thing,

and how cool is it that my story, Marshall's story,

is being used as inspiration to others who are struggling.

Pretty cool.

I will state one thing that we are also working on with

Marshall a lot right now, and that is his impulse to

call everyone Mommy.

If i stop Marshall and ask him who he is looking at,

or trying to talk to,

he knows and will call most by name.

But "Mommy" has become the his words for,

look at me, i need your attention, whoever you are!

It's not uncommon for kids to do this,

and after all, M has only been calling me Mommy

for about 6 months now.

He'll figure it out soon enough, that he needs to

focus more on who he is talking to.

It's so crazy how stinking hard Marshall has to work

on every little thing just to be 'normal'.

It's exhausting for me to think about sometimes,

and i can't imagine how hard it must be

on his brain all the time.

We love you Buddy and are so proud of how

far you've come in just 6 months!!

What an incredible journey we are on.

Marshall had his last day of 2011 at NSAP

yesterday. In the New Year

there will be a few changes.

Janel has added another time slot to benefit

those in full day Kindergarden, so there is

now a 3-5pm time slot.

It seems like an incredibly long day to have your

5 year old in school all day and then 2 extra

hours at NS each day.

But it's a great program, and when our time comes,

we will probably do it too.

Right now, the parents whose children are in Kindergarden

take their kids out at lunch time and bring them to the

afternoon class from 1-3pm.

We'll see how the next couple of years pan out

to know what will be best for Marshall.

Due to this new time slot, they have adjusted

Marshall's class by 15 minutes.

This affects us greatly because right now, i pick

M's sister up early on the days she has school

in order to get Marshall on time.

This 15 minutes puts me in a position of needing to

switch the pickup order.

I have avoided bringing M to ACS when he doesn't

have preschool as the meltdowns are more than

i can physically handle.

But now, every time i have to pick D up from school,

I'll have Marshall with me... so that will

be an adventure all in it's own. :S

But, a routine he will hopefully accept quickly!

Another change they are doing at NSAP in the New Year is that

instead of having the same interventionist,

(Marshall has 2 but most kids have the same one

daily), Janel wants to try rotating the interventionists

so each day, Marshall will have a different one.

There are pros and cons to this structure,

but i think Marshall will do just fine.

We shall see!

Small Victories

Perhaps you could call me lazy,

or exhausted, i dunno.

Maybe the change to Fall and the depressing weather

that comes along with it played a part,

I'm not entirely sure.

In October, Marshall's behaviour and his yelling

seemed to be escalading.

Reflecting back on it now, i know that i was giving in

to this behaviour, giving him whatever

he wanted to stop the yelling.

I was also asking others to do the same,

specifically, his sister D.

Kids are smart, Marshall included.

If they cry/scream to get what they want just once, and you cave,

you're pretty much screwed for the future. lol.

I put down my armour and i gave up the battle.

And in doing so, Marshall's screaming became

more constant, more adament, and i found

myself just doing anything to keep him quiet.

I was semi-aware of this terrible pattern i was creating,

but my energy and efforts to change it were lost.

I'd tell myself that tomorrow i'd put an end to this,

to show Marshall that i'm still in charge here.

But then tomorrow would come with the

same battles, and i would half try, and then ultimitely,

i'd cave.

Then about mid-October, i started to notice a change in

Marshall's sister D.

She was becoming more whiney, about everything,

and crying easily.

She would come home from school and tell me that she

had cried at school and how her teacher had comforted her

and made her feel better.

Hmmm...

It got me thinking a bit.

Then one day when i picked D up from school,

her teacher asked me about D's tears,

and if i was seeing them at home as well.

I stated that yes, i had been.

The teacher talked to me about the pattern of the crying at

school. How D would fall outside during recess

and that she was barely hurt but would continue to cry.

The teacher had been comforting D,

but lately it appeared as though D was doing this

purely for attention.

Mrs. H and i talked about Marshall, about how it is not uncommon

for other children in the home to feel unheard and lack attention

when there is a child with special needs.

It's true.

Marshall's needs just come first most of the time.

We talked about how

we needed D's unwarrented tears to stop.

It was a big wake up call for me.

Don't you just love those? Wake up calls, that is.

Moments when you realize that you suck at being a parent. lol.

I was feeling very convicted...

already at home a bit, but now even more so since it

was obvious that this was affecting sweet D in all areas of her life. :(

Ok, so i chose not to sulk and crap on myself,

but rather, used this information to set up a game plan.

Enough was enough.

Things had to change.

I needed to get my shit together...

for myself, but also for the benefit of my family.

I changed my mind set,

i got my confidence back, my energy to 'fight' back,

and i put back on my armour :)

Story time.

I bought Marshall a new hoodie at the beginning of October.

It is grey with a simple picture on the front, pretty plain.

No zipper or buttons, it needed to go over his head.

Marshall has always been easy with his clothing

and will wear whatever i pull out for him.

But for some strange reason,

he would not wear this grey hoodie.

The first time i tried to put it on him,

he started screaming and yelling "NO!"

I was so put off by this that i just said "ok, ok, off!"

Then the next day i tried to show it to him

and again, screaming.

I didn't quite understand what the problem was.

He has worn his blue pullover hoodie for a year

already (randomly) without a fight,

but it's now too small.

He wears an assortment of jackets,

it's not like he only wears one and now i'm changing it up.

So i waited a few days and then i tried again. Fail.

Then i waited like a week.

This time, i didn't show it to him first.

He stood there and watched as Devyn put her hoodie on first.

The plan was to put on hoodies, socks and shoes, and

to go play in the backyard.

I bunched up the hoodie and he let me put it over his head.

But he very soon realized the hoodie that was

being put on him and he freaked out.

I kept saying "it's ok Marshall, put it on".

He starting grabbing the hoodie and was trying to rip

it off as i kept trying to put it on him,

all the while he was screaming his lungs out at me.

It was crazy!

Now he's thrown himself on the ground in a full out meltdown.

And i am laughing inside at his stubborness.

Seriously.

This was not a battle Marshall was going to win.

He refused to put it on.

So i got D ready and let her go out the slider

and into the backyard.

I held Marshall back and repeatedly told him,

"You put on your sweater, then you can go outside."

He got mad. Then he got really mad.

He threw himself into my arms and he cried.

I comforted him and kept telling him it was ok,

but he had to put on his sweater, sock and shoes,

and then he could go outside.

We sat on the kitchen floor cuddling for about 5

minutes while Marshall kept saying "outside"

and i kept calmly telling him

"Sweater. Socks. Shoes. then Outside."

I was not going to cave.

In this situation, i really looked at Marshall and his

refusal to wear this sweatshirt as typical behaviour.

I weighed everything first to make sure

that i was confident that this sweater was not a sensory

thing. Kids with Autism often are drawn to specific

fabrics, however, Marshall has only ever shown

more interest in slinky fabric like a jersey,

but he will wear anything happily.

If the hoodie was a bold color or pattern,

i might think that it was overstimulating for him,

but he rarely shows signs of having issues

with overstimulation, and this sweater is boring old grey,

so no problem there.

Basically, i decided, that there was no reason for him

not to wear this hoodie except for pure stubborness.

So we sat on the floor together.

Then after about 5-10 minutes,

Marshall stood up and started wiping his tears away with

his hands, then he said "happy".

I laughed and said "are you deciding to be happy now?"

I helped him wipe his tears.

Then he reached down and picked up the hoodie

and gave it to me to put on him.

Just like that.

The battle had been fought and won,

and Marshall was ok with that.

And i was thrilled with that!!!

It is amazing how much confidence

filled my being when he handed me that hoodie.

He helped with his arms and we got it on.

He let me put on his socks and shoes,

and out he went to play with his sister. Happy.

And i patted myself on the back.

A small victory that will set the way for the future

situations. It felt good.

When the kids were done outside, Marshall came inside

and actually chose to keep the hoodie on until

bath time later that evening.

And now, a month later,

he will randomly make a face and a little sound

of protest when i have picked the hoodie out

for him to wear, but i tell him to put it on

and he just does it.

And more often than not, he just puts it on without

any protest at all :)

This milestone day (for me) happened on a Saturday.

For some reason,

well, probably because he was running the house at home

and that spread into his school life,

he would not put on his jacket and change his shoes

when preschool was over.

All he cared about was running to the front doors of the school

to see the "pish", or rather, fish :)

This had become a struggle for a couple of weeks.

He was doing it perfectly for all of September,

but then something changed and he wouldn't anymore.

Marshall's aide even made a sequence of pictures

to show Marshall to try and get him to put on his

jacket and shoes first, but Marshall just became

angry at the sight of the pictures.

He'd come out of preschool when i arrived

and he was mad.

He'd scream and plow through all the kids

to run to the fish tank.

I had debated physically holding him back,

but Mary wanted to try the pictures

for a while.

Well, they weren't working.

And after our little battle on the weekend

and my confidence returned,

i decided to take on the fight!

When Marshall came out of his classroom after

preschool, i tackled him. lol.

I held him tight as we went to his coat and

i repeatedly said to him,

"Jacket, shoes, then fish"

He just kept saying, "pish! pish!"

Everybody else didn't matter this day.

After the picture day fiasco and my breakdown afterwards,

anything having to do with crowds has been

so intimdating to me.

But i am over that now.

Being a parent is about doing what's best for the child,

even if you have to look like a psyco to get there! lol.

I calmly sat on the floor while Marshall tried to

break free as he was screaming and crying.

Mary came over to try and calm him

but he was mad.

He ended up head butting me in the mouth

(not the first time he's done that),

and he even kicked my glasses off my face.

Lovely eh?! lol.

I sat there restraining him for quite a while,

about 10 minutes or so.

All the other kids and parents had gone.

I felt kinda bad about all of Marshall's screaming as

there are several other classrooms nearby.

But for me it was a make or break thing.

I knew that if i did anything but follow through,

i'd have 10 times the battle next time.

So there we sat, well, Marshall layed.

I told Mary to leave after the first few minutes,

that i'd be ok with him.

I knew i just had to wait it out...

that Marshall would understand that he was not

getting his way this time, or anytime soon.

There was a new boss in town, and her name is MOM!

So after our 10-15 mintues on the floor,

Marshall got up and put his jacket and shoes on.

Just like that.

He even put his inside shoes in the bin happily,

which i usually have to do.

Then we walked calmly to the fish tank and

enjoyed watching them together.

How wonderful is that?!

Every time since then,

Marshall comes out happy and eager to put on his

jacket and change his shoes,

and then we go see the fish :)

Actually, he returns his jacket picture to Mary and

even waits for me to sign him out of class now.

At home, i am dealing with his screaming

differently, and he is being receptive to it.

D is happier at home now too,

and i have been giving her lots of extra attention and praise,

and the teacher is seeing a happy child in her classroom

as well. PTL.

I have come out of my hiding place with Marshall now.

I have had so many horrific experiences at Walmart

or the grocery store with him.

In the past couple of weeks i have been taking him

places, places where he is 'free' and not in a

shopping cart, and he listens to me.

He stays with me.

When i say "no touching", he doesn't touch.

It. is. Awesome.

We took him to Ikea and he did amazing!!

As a family, we decided to take Marshall to his first

movie at the theatre a couple of weeks ago.

It could've gone so many ways...

and you just never know with Marshall.

But he surprised us all!

He waited in line to buy tickets and then popcorn,

patiently.

My son, has patience all of a sudden - how cool.

He stayed by Daddy's side through all of it

and followed every instruction given to him.

He loved the big screen.

We saw 'Puss in Boots'.

He sat in his chair perfectly,

ate his licorice and had some pop...

and then he fell asleep!! lol.

It was the time change the night before so he was

kind of wiped. Oh well.

He woke up before it was over and watched the rest

of the movie on my lap :)

Life around here is easier, because i stood my ground

on the things that were becoming harder.

And now, Marshall gets it.

There are less battles to fight.

My words mean something because i followed

through with my actions.

Parenting 101... right here in this blog! lol.

I should be charging for my words of gold! ;)

I have been afraid to post this,

but i can say it with confidence since it has been happening

for over two weeks now...

Marshall is pooping in the potty!!!

He tells me, and he goes.

Fully potty trained by 3.5 years old.

Can't complain about that!!!!!

No accidents, no mess, life is simpler.

Now when i leave my house with my kids,

i only need to take my wallet!!

A pretty huge milestone for my little man...

who is seeming less 'little' as each day passes.

************************

"My hope is in You Lord, ALL the day long!

I won't be shaken by drought or storm.

The peace that passes understanding is my song.

And i sing, My hope is in You alone."

~Aaron Shust

Halloween

My Mother in law takes the kids

(not Marshall- by my choice, maybe next year)

out to the pumpkin patch each year

to pick a pumpkin and to get apples for candied apples.

This year it was slim pickin's in the field so

the girls brought home one large pumpkin for

the whole family to share,

and then 5 mini ones.

Same as last year, Marshall was NOT interested

in helping to clean out the pumpkin.

"Yuck" he kept saying when i

was showing him to put his hand in and pull out the insides.

Lately, Marshall is also saying a lot of "No! Ok." lol.

His 'ok' is being said on our behalf of acknowledging

his 'no'. haha.

Instead of helping with the cleaning and carving,

we decided to give Marshall all 5 mini pumpkins

and a sharpie and let him do his thing.

He was really into this.

He took each pumpkin and drew what

he called "happy" on each one :) He had a hard time with the bumpy Cinderella

pumpkin. lol.

He was so proud of himself and even put them

on the mantel. We are a family of 5 so it was

very fitting to have these five displayed in our

livingroom over Thanksgiving :)

This year, we decided to take Marshall

trick or treating for the first time.

Last year, i considererd taking him out,

but he was still a huge flight risk,

so the stroller was the only safe option.

Then on Halloween he developed a bad cold and i thought it

was best to keep him home with Daddy.

But this year, with all this amazing progress

we've been seeing, i was confident that Marshall would

love trick or treating...

well, 80% confident. lol.

In order to go trick or treating, a costume was in order.

And not just any costume, the perfect costume.

A costume that Marshall would be excited about wearing,

that would keep him warm, that M would choose to keep on.

Well, i thought about it a month or two in advance

and was super on the ball

(unlike last year when his sisters costume was bought

on the day of).

I knew he wouldn't wear those furry animal suits that

go over your head as we tried that with an

old costume and he was not a fan.

Then it came to me... a pirate. Perfect!!

So i went to Superstore and i couldn't believe that i

actually found one, and it was in his size,

and it was only $10!! Score!

So i brought it home and showed it to him.

He got excited and was saying, "pira" "arrr". lol.

He was all eager to put on the outfit

and he went to the mirror to see right aways.

I thought i'd hit the jackpot!

Then we tried to put on the foam hat...

and the fun was over.

It wouldn't fit on his head properly and he was getting

really mad about that. Then he started

pawing at his outfit and wanting everything OFF.

I tried days later and he would run away screaming.

The costume was returned.

I was still planning to take him

trick or treating though,

costume or no costume.

Halloween afternoon we started to get ready to head out.

I thought i'd try to get Marshall to put on

a play tool belt and construction hat that

he does where at home from time to time,

but he wasn't having it.

D was Princess Ariel.

We started to put her dress on and Marshall lost it.

Screaming and pulling and getting really mad...

not because he didn't want her wearing it,

but because he wanted to wear it. lol.

He kept shouting "mine!"

Well, that wasn't an option.

I had a spare princess dress in the closet so i

showed it to Marshall and his face lit up, "on" he said.

So i gave it to him and he happily pulled it on.

Then he ran over to the toy box and

grabbed a pair of dress up heals,

and then one of D's crowns to complete the outfit.

LOL.

Now what?

Do i let him go out like that?

Look how happy he is!!

Well, he didn't want to keep the crown on cause i think

it was hurting his head,

and there's no way he could walk in those heals

on the street, so to wear just the dress with

a jacket over seemed lame.

So we took the whole outfit off

(after a picture of course ;))

and Marshall went as Marshall.

No one said a word about him not being dressed up.

We headed up to 'Ritz-Ville' which in my town

is known as Eagle Mountain...

their firehydrants look like gold. lol.

Anyways, Marshall listened wonderfully

and held Daddy's hand whenever he asked him to.

We went with my nieces so there was 4 kids in our

group. Marshall was right in there

at the front of the pack knocking and saying/yelling

"tick a tee!" at every door.

It was adorable.

It only took about 5 houses before Marshall caught

on to the idea that when the door opens,

you wait for candy,

you don't run into their entryways. lol.

Everyone was very friendly about

Marshall's friendliness. :)

It was a great night, clear and dry, and all the kids

did great, including Marshall.

It was the perfect vision i had for him...

and i don't usually let myself go there anymore,

i generally think the worst

and hope for the best, or some form of normal. lol.

I was happy to see Marshall in and

amongst all of the other kids,

looking like he belonged

with a huge smile on his face.

It doesn't get better than that.

NS, Preschool and Sunday school

I'm not sure why i haven't been sitting down

to keep this blog updated...

oh wait, i do know why - life is keeping me BUSY!!

And when i do have a bit of down time to myself, i have been

choosing to 'escape' through reading my book,

or playing mindless games on the computer,

or watching 'Ellen' :)

My husband said to me just this morning

how D being in part time Kindergarten,

which for her means full days but only 2 days a week

with the odd week where she goes 3 times,

has been helpful for adjusting to this busy routine.

So true.

It is my saving grace, for real.

If all 5 days of the week looked like my Tuesdays and

Thursdays, i would have lost my mind already.

As of now, my brain and body only feels half dead. lol.

Marshall continues to show progress

in all areas at school. We have had several reports from

both Preschool and Next Step which all

state that Marshall is doing great!

He is sitting at the work table (NS) for longer periods

of time now. There have been 2 occaisions where

Marshall's class should've been cancelled when

his interventionist was sick, but

they let him come and the other aides just took

him on and shared him, along with their regular kids.

This tells me that Marshall is totally manageable

even without one on one, which is awesome!

On those days when i picked him up,

there were 2 different teachers who told me about

Marshall's day.

One was Annika, who has been working in this program

for 10 years. She said that Marshall did awesome and

she could not believe what a fast learner he was!

The other time, Patty was there when i picked M up.

Patty helped Warren with Marshall when M first started

at Next Step. Patty is also very experienced and

has a son with Autism of her own.

She came to me and told me that she really cannot believe

the progress Marshall has made in such a short amount

of time. She was shaking her head in disbelief almost.

How cool is that?!

Marshall could not be getting better compliments,

and i am SO happy that he is really embracing this program

and the staff there, and that he is doing so well. PTL!

For the past month at Next Step, Marshall has actually been

working with 2 different interventionists.

Miranda took over full time with Marshall

in September when Warren left.

Then the centre took on a new child that was assigned to

Miranda in October, so now Marshall only sees Miranda

on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

So now M,W, and Friday, Marshall is with Carla.

The first day with Carla, Marshall was pretty

angry and upset when i left.

It was not a smooth transition like it was with Miranda.

Carla works in the same class so Marshall knows who

she is, but he didn't take to her right aways.

But he totally got over that and has been

doing awesome with her too!

Marshall really loves Andy as well.

He says his name every time we drive up to school,

and he looks for him when we go into class.

Andy is another interventionist who is in Marshall's

group, but who Marshall does not work directly with,

or hasn't yet anyways.

I've liked Andy from the first day of meeting him.

He is now the only male teacher there,

so of course, Marshall has taken to him.

Andy's really sweet and seems to really enjoy Marshall's

love for him. lol.

Andy got to play with Marshall on the outdoor

playground recently and Andy said

how impressed he is at M's capabilities as far

as climbing around goes.

We've heard this a lot from different people involved

and it is definitely something we now recognize as

a huge blessing,

and so cursing his physical abilities at age 1 already

is something we take back!! lol

Marshall is really enjoying Preschool as well.

Mary, M's aide, appears to be enjoying working with M,

and Marshall has, as the other teachers put it,

"has a soft spot for Miss Mary".

The 2 teachers Debbie and Julie have both

said that Marshall bee-lines to Mary everyday and

he doesn't even know that they're there!

It is said in a joking and loving way :)

A few weeks back, Marshall got to be the Special Helper

for the day. He got to bring 2 of his favourite toys

for show and tell (it was a surprise for M too as i hid

them even from him to avoid possible drama! lol).

He got to sit on the special chair next to the teacher

during circle, ring the bell, and be at the front of the

line as the children walked to the gym.

Apparently Marshall did awesome!!

Mary was a bit concerned that the next class M might

have trouble with going back to him normal

routine, but he did just fine.

Mary commented to me that Marshall is doing

really well and is loving doing crafts and circle as well as

gym time. She has said that he actually very social from

what she has observed. I would agree :)

She even said to me quietly that

Marshall follows his hand along the wall when

they walk down the halls and he is quiet...

she said that he is more well behaved than some of the

other (typical) children.

Yah Marshall! You show them!! lol.

We have been having a struggle with routine after

preschool is over, but i will save that story for a future post

as it relates to some other struggles we've been having

at home.

I have not touched on Church or Sunday School

in this blog in the past, but today, i will :)

Our church is small (100-150 ppl)

and we meet in a highschool.

The kids program is:

Nursery 0-3

Preschoolers 4-6

Last year, before Marshall was diagnosed, he was

kind of a wild child. He had so much energy

and being in a church that is in a school with

endless hallways and room to run...

well, Marshall was in his glory,

and sweaty every Sunday,

and i was exhausted and sweaty as well. lol.

There wasn't a designated nursery classroom,

but rather, the helpers and the kids met in

a lounge area which had full access to the hallways.

Marshall had no interest in the toys,

but liked to climb the sitting areas

and would attempt to bolt down the hallways...

constantly.

It was too much to ask the volunteers to deal with,

so i have pretty much lived in the nursery area

Sunday mornings since Marshall was 1 years old.

Marshall is the only kid in our church who was

born in 2008, so this year, he was the only

child who would technically be moving

up into the preschool program.

I didn't know back in Spring if we should just keep

him back another year or not.

Prior to Marshall starting Next Step

and Preschool, i did have visions of him sitting in a

structured environment.

Back in June, my sister suggested that we

try a few times. And we did. And it failed.

But in September, my sister and I

worked out a plan to benefit and accommidate to

having Marshall in the program.

In the beginning, my sis and i shared Sundays.

This year they are using playdoh to tell the stories

which was an instant grab for Marshall,

which is great!

He would play with playdoh and sit nicely,

and then as the time went on,

he would get restless

and would end up running around the room

which is a cafeteria with tables set up everywhere.

We'd have to lock him inside

so he wouldn't run down the halls.

My sister got a few other volunteers on board

as it seemed that Marshall was doing better

with teachers and not with Mommy.

I am not upset by this.

I have come to accept that Marshall has some of his

worst behaviour with me. I mean, it sucks, but

i have been told that this is normal by

the therapists as he knows i am a safe person

and provide a safe place for him to tantrum or whatever.

Lovely eh? lol.

Moving on...

I am happy to share with you that over the past month,

with the help of a few loving volunteers,

Marshall is loving Sunday school!!

He sits and does every activity, and is no longer

running around or yelling

or being a distraction at all.

He has come out of the room and i have helped him

use the washroom, and he is eager to

go back into Sunday School without me!!

I am a happy Mommy.

I have been able to listen to the sermons for the past

few weeks. It has been years since Church has been

a place where i get fed, and it's wonderful

to have that back again.

A big thanks to Auntie C for making Marshall's success

at Sunday School a priority :)

So there you have it!

A brief run down of all of the school-type

activites that Marshall is loving and thriving in.